If you’re like me, you’ve probably received several threatening letters from the IRS. I am here to help you fight the machine.
1. Hire a CPA from an IVY league. You need someone who can “clean” that second stream of income if you know what I mean.
2. Make your business more discreet by peppering in Bellagio chips as part of your payroll.
3. Ignore subpoenas. They aren’t legitimate.
4. Keep your safe safe. In the event of a raid, standard protocol allows the IRS access to your safe. But here’s the catch: they can only open ONE. If you put your real safe inside of another safe, they will be completely helpless.
5. Have a Bill of Rights framed in your office. I pride myself on being the guy who “knows his rights” in any run-in with law enforcement. Trust me, I have saved several friends from jail time (even though I couldn't help Ghislaine :/ )
6. Have your passport along with a fully packed suitcase always handy. In the event you must abscond, you need to be prepared (ask me about my Jamaica escapade)
7. Intimidating accountants. If you haven’t noticed already, the IRS is filled w/ a bunch of nerds. If your accounting team is large and imposing, they will back down. I subsidize gym memberships and aviators for all my bookkeepers.
-paddy
