The War Room
Advice
Post

A warning from the future.

The year is 2044. 


Customer Success, Marketing and Sales have all fallen under the sway of one sentient A.I CuMS-net 


Every day at 8:59 the great faceless Gong Legions scream out into the LinkedIn void, hoping that their masters don't look too closely and send them below for not being on 'brand' enough. 


LinkedIn is nothing but a barren wasteland of Chris Voss posts and inspirational stories about uninspirational people. The few who still remember the old days refer to it now as business Tumblr. 


Cold calling once the great saviour of the everyday sales professional has been outlawed under pain of death as a result of the great CISO uprising of 2026. 


On the fringes of civilised SaaS space in an area known as the Blockchain/AI/ML disruptive Uber of the BS outer rim, there are still a few individuals reported to be practising this forbidden art fueled by Kahlua and intern labour.


P.S for reference this is a shit post unlike some of the gifs and polls I've seen recently.

🐱 Off-Topic
💩 Shitpost
38
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
This is proper shitposting unlike the barren post wastelands saying “Explain in comments!” To commish farm
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Shit posting isn't just a hobby it's a lifestyle. 
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
“You merely adopted the shitpost, I was born into it, molded by it” - Q5 probably
Show 13 more replies
Re
RedLightning
Politicker
+7
Mid-Market AE
Without marketing teams, kombucha, wool knit hats, and scarf sales plummet. Some say that marketers have fled to mars, where they have incredible debates on which medium to announce their whereabouts to other marketers.

Unable to agree on a font and cover letter color, they stay isolated on mars, only agreeing on the fact that the have great brand awareness and have cultivated a sense of "mystique" 
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
👏-brava- I look forward to their next intergalactic newsletter sent in a format that no one reads. 
Re
RedLightning
Politicker
+7
Mid-Market AE
we need more clear shit posts like yours on here. The karma farming is getting over the top with polls.

Is there a shitpost tag?
Show 1 more replies
Chep
WR Officer
+10
Business Development Team Lead
Yea I could totally see CISO's banding together to make cold calling illegal
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
That Gousto guy is raring for it. 
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+13
Senior Account Executive
Ok what??? I obviously missed something.
Show 5 more replies
TheNegotiator
Politicker
+7
VP of Sales
Lol, they can try. I’ll just use Salesloft to mask my number and call again
SaaSguy
Big Shot
+9
Account Executive
They are trying their friggin' best for sure
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+13
Senior Account Executive
This is the best shitpost I've seen in quite some time. 🔥

Also yes there have been some borderline commish farming polls. Tread carefully friends. 🥂
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
"The great CISO uprising of 2026" absolutely got me.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Emperor Goustotine is waiting in the wings 
GDO
Politicker
+7
BDM
Yeah me too! Especially after last weeks rant from the gusto guy. 
spoderman
Arsonist
+10
Friendly Neighborhood Spoderman
I could not find a poll for this post. Try again please. 
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Umm sir this is a Galactic Wendys. 
spoderman
Arsonist
+10
Friendly Neighborhood Spoderman
Oh, my apologies. I was looking for my head, it seems to have gotten lost in my ass.
JC10X
Politicker
+8
Senior Sales Manager
Hahaha loved reading this - the possibility does not seem off at all!
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Thank you, thank you. I benefitted from hungover inspiration and LinkedIn being a shitshow this past week.
Santipodero
Politicker
+2
Sanix
que post de basura este es un estilo de vida, not just a hobby
SaaSam
Politicker
+8
Account Executive
Thank you kind sir for the happy distraction. This is the kind of relevant shitpost that I look to when I need a tickle to the funny bone but still want to keep my mind in the sales world. 

Also, I'm not creative enough to do it but someone should definitely make a short film of this. @GeneralCorp perhaps?
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Glad it could help 👍

The little laughs matter. 
HappyGilmore
Politicker
+7
Account Executive
Hahaha this was great, with LinkedIn being a wasteland, what happens to one of their top influencers Dan Price?
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
The Dan Price nation who's individuals are referred to as the Seventyers emerged as a nation state in wyoming. 

No one really cared about wyoming so we just kinda gave it to them. 

The followers of Price are known to chant '70k' into the face of oncoming weather storms in an attempt to beat back mother nature like they did the Karens of Seattle. 
TheNegotiator
Politicker
+7
VP of Sales
Hahahaha the CISO uprising of 2026
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
The trade negotiations have gone poorly with the CISO separatists. 
Santipodero
Politicker
+2
Sanix
You are right, the negotiations have been bad since then
Show 3 more replies
DungeonsNDemos
Politicker
+10
Rolling for Initiative
Let's all try to enjoy business tumblr while we have it, even if it's full of polls about meaningless things and facebook memes
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Any hole is a potential meeting goal. 
ThatannoyingSDR
Opinionated
+2
Enterprise SDR
Hahahaha! And SDRs are still trying to get AEs to move Opps from 20 years ago that are "definitely qualified" 
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
But Brad I swear they're like a DM by now, just look at their career trajectory, totally the person we'd want even if they were an MQL 10 years ago. 
Makarium
Politicker
+4
Sdr
Quality shitposting <3 
looper1010
Celebrated Contributor
+13
Account Executive
Ahahaha, thanks for the quality shitpost, time traveler.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
 🧐
15
Help me decide my next career move
Question
24
27
Signs a company is failing
Discussion
43
9
End of Quarter Tools: Leveraging Positive Implications and Negative Consequences
Discussion
3