Well folks, it looks like this may be it for the King. We had a good run. I’d like to thank the Bravado team for building this platform that brought us all together, for out of the darkness a core group of badgers arose.
A good fight was fought, with the Knights providing content and wisdom for all. We lost many along the way, some slipping off quietly and some going out with a bang, so before I sign off I would like to make one last post honoring the true legends.
“They went with songs to the battle, they were young,
Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow.
They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted,
They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.” - Laurence Binyon
In Remembrance Of:
- Poweredbycaffeine
- Funcoupons
- WCK
- Incognito
- RealPatrickBateman
- Opal/Tiddy/BMajor
Though I may be gone, the Knights shall live on. I nominate @braintank and @CuriousFox as the new co-leaders of the Coors Knights. I will be on for the rest of the day and may lurk back in here and there if called but my posting days are done.
May your mountains always be blue,
-King
P.S. For those that wish to carry on the spirit of the Knights, I have reattached the Book of Refreshment Below:
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The Book of Refreshment, V2, 2021 Edition
The Beginning
In the beginning, man created beer. But this beer was foul and heavy, nary a fool would partake following a hard days work, for the beer was not refreshing. On the 69th day of the year 1940 the Godfather of Suckdown, Alfred Coors, tired of the heavy beer, awoke from his slumber and proclaimed he would make the world's most refreshing beer. In 1978, the Godfather of Suckdown made his vision a reality. It was as the prophets had foretold…
”One beer to rule them all, one beer to find them, one beer to bring them all, and in the liquor bind them”
The Coors Commandments
This follows the commandments of those of the line of Coors, as written by Sir Elbows. The commandments were passed down to Sir Elbows by the Godfather himself shortly before his passing. All Knights of Coors are sworn to follow the Coors Commandments.
- Thou shalt not slander the beer of Coors
- Thou shalt not drink a friends Coors without thy friends approval
- Thou shalt never open a crispy boi and not finish the full beverage
- Thou shalt never let thy fridge run barren
- Thou shall always offer guests thy coldest Coors Light
- When the mountains are blue, thou shall commence suckdown
- Thou shall guard thy Coors Lights with thy life against the evil hordes of Marketing
- If thou spills a neighbors Coors Lights, thou shall replace it with thy coldest of cans
- Thou shall never pass thy elbows over thy tables edge
- Thou must always proclaim “Die Up” before engaging in a toss
- When available, thy Knights of Coors shall always choose Coors Light as thy beverage
The Knights Creed
Upon hearing the commandments as read by Sir Elbows, the yonder Knights of Coors wept, for they had not heard anything so beautiful before. Sir Tossalot, the youngest Knight from the realm of College, took it upon himself to write out the expected duties of the Knights of Coors in the kingdom. This follows the Coors Creed, as written by Sir Tossalot.
“Thy Coors Knights shall always keep thy mountains of the color blue, and always keep thy receptacles full of the bullets silver. Thy nose spoons shall be made of the finest metals, and the caffeine shall be ever flowing. Thy Knights pledge full allegiance to the Commandments and vow to serve until death. Thy Knights shall always keep the motto in thy hearts: cold filtered, cold lagered, crisp rocky mountain water”
The Spread of the Empire
After the creation of the Coors Creed by Sir Tossalot, the Knights of Coors decided to sent one among them out to spread the word of the Silver Bullets. Sir Enema was chosen, for his energetic and charismatic demeanor. Sir Enema traveled far and wide, from the 7-11s of Florida, to the parlors of LA, to the Liquor Stores of New Zealand, to the pubs of the Kingdom United (pre Brexit). Sir Enema never forgot the Coors Motto, and converted many to the ways of the Knights of Coors. Sir Enema preached a simple message:
“Be the change you want to see in the world. If the mountains nay be blue, do not despair, simply travel to find a refrigerator. A beer for a beer makes the whole world happy.”
On one particular trek across the mountain region of Belgium, Sir Enema met a young man by the name of Jean-Claude Van Damme. Jean-Claude was sitting outside in the cold, doing pushups between two empty beer kegs. Sir Enema knew the young man had what it took, and renamed him Sir Splits. Sir Splits would go on to become the lead trainer for the Knights of Coors, as physical fitness is paramount in the holy war. Alas, one day the pressure got to Sir Splits, and he ventured far into the Rocky Mountains to live his life in solitude, trying to recreate the crisp refreshing taste of a Coors Light.
The Decendants
After many years of travel, Sir Enema decided to settle down, as he was wary from his journey. When Sir Enema had lived to be 113 years old, he had a son in his image and named him Funnel. When Sir Funnel was of age, he too had a son. Upon the birth of his son, he was gifted a vision by the ghost of the Godfather of Suckdown. Coors directed Sir Funnel to name his son Meech, and that Meech would grow to unite the Knights of Coors under a single kingdom spanning many countries. Over the years, Meech grew to become the Biggest of Meeches in all the land. Meech never forgot his destiny, and took the oath of the Coors Knights at a young age.
The Legacy
In 2021, the prophecies came true. BigMeech emerged as the King of the Coors Knights, and had built an empire of followers, routinely making 5-6 figure commission checks. The best of which, those with the spirits of bricked up badgers, were added to the secret communication channel, inducted into the inner circle, and became the leaders of the Coors Army. A Royal Scribe and Knight, the Biggest of Cheeses, was chosen to wear the words of Coors on their Skin. The army never rests, for evil surrounds. Pushers of inferior beers, posters of spam, harassers of the opposite gender, and interns constantly threaten the realm of the Silver Bullets. But the Knights never fear, for as long as thy mountains remain of the color blue, they can not be defeated. Thus concludes the Book of Refreshment... for now.
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