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DealMaker

SaaS Sales

Contributor
Fire Starter

Business Trip Shenanigans - craziest story on the road.

we all have one story. it usually starts like this..

"so after we wrapped up our meeting, we hit the bar..." 

what's the wildest, most scandalous thing you've done with a prospect or customer? 

(inhales) 

go. 
😂 Sales Humor
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17 comments

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CoorsKing
WR Officer
12
Retired King of the Coors Knights
The comment you really want to wait for here is @paddy 

Mine goes as follows:

Customer onsite in a different state, flew in with my sales manager. Call goes well, we decide to go out to dinner with another rep who lived in the area. We pregame at the lobby bar because they had some bomb old fashions.

We go to dinner, and my boss has me expense $200 shots of scotch for the table. Safe to say by the end of that dinner we were all litty tiddy. Boss actually ate shit down the stairs leaving.

My boss was a big dude, played football. I also played football. I was giving him shit all day that I would truck him in the gap (he was a fullback and I was a DE).

So randomly after dinner while walking he grabs me by the collar, yells OKLAHOMA and throws me down an alley and gets in a 3 pt stance. For those of you who have never played football, and Oklahoma drill is where you both square up head to head, and just run into each other and try to drive the other one back. There is no juking or fancy dodges, just low man wins, grab your nuts and hit type of drill. My fucking favorite. 

He is already down in the stance and has probably 50 lbs on me, so I know my only way out of this alive is to be the one to initiate contact and stay low. I get down, and we fire. I get under his shoulders and drive this dude a good 5-10 feet back into the street right in front of a crowded fancy restaurant who all looked mortified since we like flew out of this alley all of a sudden.

Had a fat fucking bruise on my collar bone the next day and a massive hangover but it was worth it. 

We settled one thing that day, I would win in the gap.

Figured you would like this @WCK 
Diablo
Politicker
1
Sr. AE
Haha this is hilarious
DungeonsNDemos
Big Shot
0
Rolling 20's all day
I think if I ever tackled my boss he would evaporate in a cloud of rage and yelling with a hint of disbelief.
Thanks for the great story!
RobNap
Good Citizen
0
Founder
Epic! As a former DE in college LFG! Mad respect, that is how you win the gap @BigMeech 
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
9
sales
Ok - flew to a business trip with a friend. Good guy, single, likes drugs, great salesman. All around good guy.

About night three of the trip (we're at a resort) we're done selling for the evening and drinking heavily on the beach. It's about 11PM, you can't see shit. It's dark, it's great. Next thing you know, a fancy boat glides up. This fat silver fox and his barely hanging on 50 year old wife step onto the dock, start walking towards us and ask us if we like jazz music. He says yes, I say no and begin to get up. 

I haven't been trafficked before, but I assume this is what's coming next.

Before I can start walking away, they invite us onto their boat and say they'd like us to join them for a party, they'll take us back to their house (they live on the water) and we could continue the party there. I'm already back turned and headed towards the resort and my buddy says, "haha yeah!" and he gets on the boat.

Next morning I am at the booth and he comes stumbling in, right on time but sweating, in a fancy suit, ready to sell. He asks me if he looks like shit and smells like alcohol and I say yes, go buy us some coffees. He thanks me for the 30 minutes of recovery allotted and goes to pick us up coffee.

Comes back, tells me about the evening. Apparently he got in about 4AM after riding their boat over to their house. Drugs were a plenty and body parts were moving amongst all the attendees. He claimed he partook in all the offerings and about 3:30AM everyone is falling asleep and he asks the host for a ride back to the hotel. They oblige, drop him off, and he has enough time to get back to his room, shower, get a suit ready for the next day and take a short nap.

I thanked him for the details on his experience, encouraged him never to take boat rides with strangers at midnight and we had a fantastic rest of the day. That conference was a lot of fun.
DustFrog
Catalyst
7
Business Development Manager
Haha my first "big boy" sales trip when I was just a little snot-nosed Inside Sales rep. Head full of dreams, and balls full of vigor. I hit an 18-wheeler in my rental car with my Director in the passenger seat. I knew then this was my calling, I guess.

I sell steel. This was maybe 15 years ago. We had a pending order from a big O&G equipment manufacturer, and this project was so important they wanted to go visit OUR supplier. I was the point man on this project from my side, but I was green, so our Director of Sales came along with me. I felt like such a big boy, arranging the meetings, the hotel, etc.

The plan was I was going to drive our car, and the customers (3 guys- buyer, supply chain mgr, and an engineer) would follow us as they had somewhere to go afterwards or something. The drive to the steel mill was like 2 hours from the air port. They say they will follow us. GPS existed but whatever. I start driving, and no shit these guys go 10 mph UNDER the speed limit. I'm trying to keep pace with traffic but they keep getting lost. It was like having my grandma drive in reverse. I'd have to pull over to wait for them, and then merge back in. I called them once or twice to ask if everything was ok, and they acted like everything was fucking hunkey-dory. I couldn't believe it. Even my Director was laughing at how absurd this was.

This was a big potential job for us, so we had to just fall in line. I was driving 5 under the speed limit and still losing them. Eventually I had to pull over again about 30 minutes into the drive. I finally see them coming up, but there's an 18-wheeler in front of them, and it's a 2 lane highway so I can't ride alongside. I panicked. I knew I'd have to slip between them and the 18-wheeler, so I watched them from the mirror and gunned it.. ALMOST at the right time. I ended up clipping the back tire of the 18-wheeler. Not enough for it to notice, but it tore off my side mirror and fucked up the front quarter panel.

I pulled over, my customers pulled over (I was fucking fuming now), and my Director just muttered "oh my god"..

I tried to half-laugh and half-explain what happened, but most of the conversation I've blanked from my mind. The only thing I remember was driving the rest of the trip (1.5 hours) below the speed limit, with the FRAYED MIRROR WIRES SLAPPING THE WINDOW THE ENTIRE WAY, and my Director on the phone with the Amex insurance people.

The meeting went ok. I was the butt of all of the jokes for the rest of the trip. I still feel embarrassment.

But hey, nothing can really phase me now. We ended up fucking that project up 6 ways from Sunday anyway, so I grew up wicked fast from that entire experience.

I also shit my pants before my first sales call. Pretty sure it was that year. But, it's drinking time and I'll make a separate post some other day.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
3
🦊
The gem here is the last sentence if you make it to the end.
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
2
sales
I chuckled. well done.
paddy
WR Officer
5
Director of Business Development
My shenanigans are just alcohol and cocaine-fueled late nights with clients (kind of like a standard Tuesday for me). But I did catch my boss out with an escort after one of the conferences. He was blacked out and I'm not sure he remembers that we saw him. He tried claiming he fucked some hot chick the next day but she was clearly a hooker.
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
0
sales
HIGH END hooker, like for governors and athletes. 
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
3
☕️
Tell us one of yours!
cw95
Politicker
1
Sales Development Lead
Hear Hear!
FamilyTruckster
Politicker
0
Exec Director, Major Accounts
Closed the bar at a conference. As I was going to leave, I was pulled aside by a coworker. 

“We need you”. 

I get pulled into the ladies restroom. Another coworker was passed out on the toilet. They couldn’t pick her up. 

I pick her back up, but she’s a mess. Someone else goes back to the hotel, grabs a wheelchair. 

they start wheeling her out, and when she hits the cold air outside…

stands directly up, and faceplants on the sidewalk, and pukes again. 

Ambulance picked her up. Needless to say she resigned. 

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