I saw this post on LinkedIn over the weekend and I thought it was worth sharing.
I agree with the author. If you find yourself using fancy language, you’re probably not being genuine and it will probably be felt by the person you’re trying to communicate with.
Instead: Be simple. Be concise. Be yourself.
Something strange happens when salespeople write cold emails.
They use words they'd never say to someone over coffee.
They "personally reach out to understand what innovation means to your business."
And "leverage customer success."
Or "offer end-to-end innovative solutions."
Do you know anyone who talks like that?
You don't feel anything after reading vague words..
When you’re vague you’re a white circle in a sea of white circles because you’re using the same words as everyone else.
Why does this happen?
I think it’s because we forget that prospects are people.
Not "ideal customer profiles", "personas" or "TAMs".
Just people.
People with jobs to be done.
What’s the way out?
Using customer’s quotes in your cold emails is one of the best ways to sound like you're a person, because well, a real person actually said it.
Example:
Original vague copy:
"We offer enterprise services to give organizations the turnkey podcast production services they need.
Revised crispy copy:
“What podcast hosts hate is editing - stuff like removing “ums” and “ahs” adjusting EQ levels, creating show notes, etc.
Original
“A system for optimizing dynamic customer flow.”
Revised
“Software to drive more sales.”
Read your email out loud. Does it pass the coffee test?
They use words they'd never say to someone over coffee.
They "personally reach out to understand what innovation means to your business."
And "leverage customer success."
Or "offer end-to-end innovative solutions."
Do you know anyone who talks like that?
You don't feel anything after reading vague words..
When you’re vague you’re a white circle in a sea of white circles because you’re using the same words as everyone else.
Why does this happen?
I think it’s because we forget that prospects are people.
Not "ideal customer profiles", "personas" or "TAMs".
Just people.
People with jobs to be done.
What’s the way out?
Using customer’s quotes in your cold emails is one of the best ways to sound like you're a person, because well, a real person actually said it.
Example:
Original vague copy:
"We offer enterprise services to give organizations the turnkey podcast production services they need.
Revised crispy copy:
“What podcast hosts hate is editing - stuff like removing “ums” and “ahs” adjusting EQ levels, creating show notes, etc.
Original
“A system for optimizing dynamic customer flow.”
Revised
“Software to drive more sales.”
Read your email out loud. Does it pass the coffee test?
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