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Dear HR, Fuck You

Now, I understand that my new firm has everyone in HR in California while my office is in NY, BUT THEY CAN DO THEIR GOD DAMNED JOBS


✅ Start date July 19th

✅ Told that my health benefits would commence August 1st

✅ August 4th - First “Welcome email” with instructions for things I’m not even subscribed to nor given permission to access yet

✅ August 5th - Email marked urgent stating that my pre-hire document verification is past due (I scanned and sent them this immediately)

✅ August 5th - Email verification stating that they received the documents and will follow up with any further questions

✅ August 5th - send email to HR stating that I cannot complete the onboarding instructions because of permissions/etc. Get told to email IT. Spend 5 hours with IT. ONE password is fixed, the rest “will come and to slow down”

✅ August 5th - ANOTHER “urgent” email from

HR stating that I need to complete my onboarding, even though I literally can’t

✅ August 6th - I inquire about a “new hire orientation” meeting that is apparently held every Tuesday ( a coworker told me). HR says they will sign me up for the next week.

✅ August 10th - Zoom new hire meeting. Basically do what’s on the list I was sent that I can’t access

✅ August 12th - kicked out of ALL passwords at this point, IT gives up and sends me back to HR

✅ August 16th - receive invitation to enroll in benefits (but need to be completed 30 days from

initial day of hire). I immediately go through the whole process as fast as I can

✅ August 20th - check on my benefits status today, only to discover that BECAUSE THEY COULDNT SEND ME A FUCKING EMAIL ON TIME ALL MY ELECTIONS GOT DELETED AND IM NOT ELIGIBLE TO ENROLL AGAIN UNTIL MAY 2022


Obviously I need medical coverage today. Obviously my supervisors are OOO. Obviously no one in HR will answer the phone or email me back.


SO FUCK YOU HR. IDGAF IF ITS FRIDAY. DO YOUR GOD DAMNED JOB OR ILL GIVE EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE A KAHLUA ENEMA WHILE ON HOVERBOARDS AND TOSS EMPTY COORS LIGHT CANS OUT THE WINDOW FROM SEVEN STORIES UP, ALL TO FUCK WITH YOUR WORKLOAD.


where is the drinking post? I need a whole lot.

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