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Describe the biggest goober at your company.

Please don't say anything that could get you fired, but I'll start.



We have a few guys that collectively form the movie Zootopia, mannerisms and all.

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28
BigCheese
Notorious Answer
+14
Agency Recruiter | Coors Knight
There's a guy on our floor (front desk dude in the law office next door) that brushes his teeth in the floor's drinking fountain including during the height of the pando (both offices only went remote for like 2 months), runs to/from his office to the elevator,  if you pull up at the urinal next to him, he'll cut his stream and wait for you to do your business before finishing, and somebody in their office microwaves fish all the time which comes through our vents and I just know it's definitely that guy. He also won't hold the elevator, but I'm pretty glad that's the case.
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
up in Fiji, under paddy
Ew omg do u want me to beat him up for u 
BigCheese
Notorious Answer
+14
Agency Recruiter | Coors Knight
Please and thank you, lunch on me
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BagTime
Politicker
+3
Account Executive
Microwaving fish in a shared office setting should be grounds for firing, that’s just nasty
BigCheese
Notorious Answer
+14
Agency Recruiter | Coors Knight
I think there's a proposal floating around D.C. to make it illegal
Show 1 more replies
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
You should kick this dude in the shins..aggressively.
BigCheese
Notorious Answer
+14
Agency Recruiter | Coors Knight
Waiting for the bank to reimburse me for a debit card hacking so, unfortunately, can’t really afford a lawsuit rn. 
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looper1010
Celebrated Contributor
+13
Account Executive
Omg, that's disgusting! Does he have no basic manners? And today I learned, humans can control their stream mid way.
Lu
Lucy710
Politicker
+3
Account Manager, Corporate & Strategic Accounts
I wouldn’t even want to begin thinking about how someone brushes their teeth in a water fountain?!?!?!
APalmoze
Good Citizen
Business Development
the fish!
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
There's a guy in my office who doesn't drink Kahlua 😂 what a fucking loser
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
Does he not drink Kahlua or does he not drink Kahlua shot at him via Super Soaker? There can be some minor differences there.
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
up in Fiji, under paddy
I'm the only one licensed to administer Kahlua via Supersoaker. The licensing is very exclusive. 
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funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
up in Fiji, under paddy
What a coward 
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
HUGE coward
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Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
+9
WR Enthusiast
This got to me 🤣🤣
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
+9
International Sales Director
Me too 😂
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
up in Fiji, under paddy
Guy in my office constantly brags about how much money he spends on clothes but he dresses like shit. It offends me. 
BigCheese
Notorious Answer
+14
Agency Recruiter | Coors Knight
People who drop a bag on clothes/accessories and flex like they're the shit yet look awful are a whole ass pet peeve of mine.

Just cuz it costs hella cheddar doesn't mean it looks good
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
up in Fiji, under paddy
Bruh he doesn't even spend mad stacks, he thinks $60 on a shirt is ballin. Bro looks straight outta Wal Mart. He wears Velcro shoes for fuck sakes.

#notpoppin
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bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
+9
International Sales Director
😂😂😂😂
girheakinna
Opinionated
+3
da best SDR
That’s hilarious
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
+9
International Sales Director
Hahahaha
Swarthymovie
Arsonist
+7
SDR
and here i was thinking that every person who buys expensive clothes knows how to use them properly 
SaaSKicker1000
Politicker
+6
AE II
Guy I used to work with would constantly talk about his great sales tactics he learned from LinkedIn, all while constantly missing quota - douche-canoe to the extreme
Swarthymovie
Arsonist
+7
SDR
such a douche that guy 
What
Opinionated
+3
Enterprise
TFW you can’t think of anything negative about your coworkers and realize that probably means you’re the goober. 😟
friendlyginge
Politicker
+5
Account Executive
Literally same lol. I love my coworkers so I must be the goob 
BagTime
Politicker
+3
Account Executive
Microwaving fish in a shared office setting should be grounds for firing, that’s just nasty
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
+9
International Sales Director
It’s a fireable offense without a doubt
Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
+9
WR Enthusiast
Guy in my office never flushes no matter what he does, we all know it’s him, at he is always complaining about the issue and always bringing it up, so we think it’s not him. We’ve talk about the issue several times in mandatory work meetings where he is always the most “offended” about it. 

I have no idea why the guy is still here, he’s not bad at the job, but no where near as good for anyone to tolerate him.
girheakinna
Opinionated
+3
da best SDR
What is this? 1st grade?
Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
+9
WR Enthusiast
It sure feels like it!
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bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
+9
International Sales Director
Oh no… floaters.
Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
+9
WR Enthusiast
The worse kind… I still can’t believe it’s been going for over a year
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Swarthymovie
Arsonist
+7
SDR
most likely mommy didn't show him how to be a grown up :/

Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
+9
WR Enthusiast
Hahahaha she didn’t show him a lot of things!
privateryan
Politicker
+5
Director of Sales
This is fantastic. I've got a guy, got to be 50, but he is trying to convince people he is 35. He has the loose skin around the neck you always see with the older folks. (Nothing wrong with it....just own the age) Have a few stories about him, but a couple of my personal favorites are: 1) he was asked to log into a learning center we have, and he asked for the password. Once we provided it to him, he still couldn't get in. A nearby worker pointed out caps lock was on...so said "turn caps lock off and it'll work" and he proceeded to turn the monitor off and then said "OK....now what...?" 
2) He was walking back and forth on his cell phone talking very loudly with a client. It seemed heated, but he was crushing the objections and really handled it well as it seemed the client was getting heated and he was more..."mirroring" then his phone....which was up to his ear...rang out loud. Turns out the whole thing was an act
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
up in Fiji, under paddy
Your last few sentences take the cake for cringe...
privateryan
Politicker
+5
Director of Sales
I'll let him know. Funny you said "take the cake...." as when I finally get to fire him, I plan on making a cake and writing "you're fired" on it! 
hurtscuzimold
Opinionated
+5
Dude abiding
Oh, myself? Not much to tell there
RaymundoFlex
Opinionated
+2
AE
You and me both
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
+9
International Sales Director
A guy on our floor speaks like a baby, on purpose, sobs and all. 
Swarthymovie
Arsonist
+7
SDR
that's weird, like really bad kind of weird 
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
+9
International Sales Director
Cringe as fuck!
Show 4 more replies
HoosierDaddy
Opinionated
+3
SDR
There’s a guy on my team who I went to middle school and high school with. He moved here in 7th grade and was 6 ft 6 already. Given the name and profile pic you can imagine my excitement when this monster came to be on our basketball team. Turns out this fucking goober couldn’t touch the net even though he was a literal giant. No walking and chewing gum for this guy. Fast forward to now and he is the most insufferable sdr. Doesn’t know our product but confuses people into taking meetings. Will slack people (who are busting their ass but having down months) just to let them know that he has 2-3 optys almost ready. He will share his success stories and somehow never find the punch line. Nice guy but mannnn the social skills are weak with that one.
fuzzy
Notable Contributor
+21
CMO (Chief Meme Officer)
Yeah I have a good idea of who you’re talking about it
looper1010
Celebrated Contributor
+13
Account Executive
There was someone who would bring kimchi into work.  Now I love kimchi but the smell can be overpowering, especially after a microwave session.  Think spicy, pickled, fermented cabbage.  
Swarthymovie
Arsonist
+7
SDR
One of my co-workers was a pretty interesting person, dyed hair and eyebrows,  saved the sides of his head, 2 triangle tatoos on each side of the head to color them with sharpee matching the color of the hair, for some reason liked to use colorful stockings with shorts and boots, and really fun person to talk with, always expecting to have another weird day working with him  
mrsexyspizza
Politicker
+7
Mid Market AE
We have a guy with literally 0 professional intelligence. Not only does he make a point to give his opinion in every single meeting we have, he also "reply alls" to emails with our entire executive team on them. The worst though, and I only know this because I like snooping on people in SF is the stuff he sends to customers. He once asked someone to sign a deal because management made fun of him for forecasting something that would never close. I think he's a genuinely nice guy, but his complete lack of awareness is the most frustrating thing.
krnshrm
Opinionated
+1
Managing Director
I used to work with this guy who would strike up the most boring conversations with you, more like monologues to be honest, if you said as much as a hello. His desk/room was right next to the kitchen so anytime you went to get a coffee or a bottle of water you'll try to avoid him, because even a nod could result in a boring 10 minutes of slowly trying to move out of the conversation.
Adored
Valued Contributor
+5
Sales Director
The SDR Manager.

I run a team of AEs and responsibility for our SDRs sits with this guy and his boss - rather than me. Kind of weird but whatever, less headcount for me to manage.

This kid is always in bed on Zoom meetings, makes no calls and always talks about how hot his fiancée is (she is cute tbf) - weird chap
fuzzy
Notable Contributor
+21
CMO (Chief Meme Officer)
Go to upper management and say you want to implement a Win Team model (1 SDR to 1 AE or w/e ratio) 
Adored
Valued Contributor
+5
Sales Director
Tbh mate I just make sure they’re well prepared and do a significant part of his job for him. At the end of the day, they help get me paid and when comp review comes around I’ll be talking about how I’ve coached them to success and how that needs to be reflected in my package. He’ll only last so long before he gets found out, either by his missus or the company
youKNOW
Politicker
+7
Sales Manager
This is a tough one...might be a tie between "constant fishing story guy" OR...."I don't know what happened??" guy. Fishing story guy is pretty self explanatory. "I don't know what happened" guy basically will not take ANY responsibility when an error occurs involving one of his deals, OR someone on his team. Somehow something blows up ALL the time and for whatever reason he needs extra resources to unf*ck it. 
TheRealVladimirPutin
Opinionated
+5
AE
One guy with a territory of under 200 accounts wanted to send an intro email to every CIO. Problem is, he sent the email to all of them at once, with them all CC'd. Credibility was instantly lost for every decision-maker in his territory.
APalmoze
Good Citizen
Business Development
haha omg
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