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Dumbasses of LinkedIn: Your weekly thread for all things asinine, stupid, or complete BS that you see on LI.

It is time for the NINTH installment of DoLI, which means it has now lingered longer than your ex's bout of the clap they swore they got from "a public restroom toilet seat!"


Again, since it is very much low hanging fruit, please limit things to two Gong rep posts per week tyvm!


I figure since we are ALL on LinkedIn, and we all shit on it to varying degrees, we could compile a mass thread to highlight some of the annoying, idiotic, or just plain dumb shit we see on that platform.


Very much inspired by those posts about hiring someone for showing up late to an interview cause they saved a dog or something, here is one post that crossed my LI feed this very morning!


First up, if this man could pull a Marilyn Manson and remove a rib to suck himself off, rest assured he would.



Buddy, NO one does dumb shit like that.


Next up, polls on Linkedin are an absolute clusterfuck and I hate 99.999% of the people that post them.


If there is anyone in this world right now I feel has passed his usefulness date, it's Brian Burke.


Once again, happy Wednesday my Savages, I hope your Q4 is filed with prosperity


As always, in honor of our fallen soldier BigMeech may your wits stay sharp, your mountains stay blue, and your commission checks be overflowing.


And one last thing to end it with... .If you're in a rut or feel that maybe sales isn't for you, just remember this:


🐱 Off-Topic
😂 Sales Humor
39
1nbatopshotfan
Politicker
+6
Senior Director, Enterprise Technology
The first post is unreal. Absolutely insane energy from that dude. TSA agents just eating up his content. 100% believable. 
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
Cringe nation baybeee
DungeonsNDemos
Politicker
+10
Rolling for Initiative
Your next SDR will be an ex-TSA agent who DEMANDS to be addressed as "officer", instead of Jason which is his name.
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
Brian Montoya is full of shit.
1nbatopshotfan
Politicker
+6
Senior Director, Enterprise Technology
I don’t know the story seems totally legit! :-) 
ultraman
Tycoon
+9
Shepherd
Right?! Starbucks would have been a more “believable” location for this yarn. “I just smiled and grabbed my venti pumpkin spice latte and walked away.” What a fuckin cornball 🤓
GDO
Politicker
+7
BDM
Yeah extremely cringe. Acting like he’s a cardasian or something 
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
+10
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
Thank you for reminding me that I am the master of my fate and the captain of my doomed soul. Also, Brian, guy....this isn't MySpace. We don't need to make up stories to sound cool anymore.
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
Always here to help my dear PBC.
DungeonsNDemos
Politicker
+10
Rolling for Initiative
I've been trying to add music to my Bravado profile. It's not working. How do I get you in my top 8 @poweredbycaffeine ?
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+13
Senior Account Executive
Throwback to a simpler time...
Show 1 more replies
HappyGilmore
Politicker
+7
Account Executive
I've seen a bunch of posts surrounding the first one with some absurd story and "the internet is incredible", and every single one makes me want to drink laundry detergent. 
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+13
Senior Account Executive
Calm down Tide Pod.
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
Lemon bleach, it's just like shitty tequila.
Show 3 more replies
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+13
Senior Account Executive
It's a case of the Brians today. Could they BE trying any harder?
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
I mean.. .They could
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+13
Senior Account Executive
Touché bitch.  Touché.
1nbatopshotfan
Politicker
+6
Senior Director, Enterprise Technology
Are they trying hard tho? I bet that this is basically natural for them. 
UrAssIsSaaS
Politicker
+8
SaaS Eater
Idk whats more ridiculous, that Brain #2 claims to have bought $45 million in apple products or that he thinks this is a question even remotely worth asking. 

OBVIOUSLY Im going to live forever. 
Mobi85
Politicker
+5
Regional Sales Manager
I am surprised 1st Brian didn't finish his self boasting post with saying he looked down and found $20...
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+13
Senior Account Executive
Ain't it a good feeling though?
Mobi85
Politicker
+5
Regional Sales Manager
@CuriousFoxbad days are made great when finding $20.  Also no better feeling than waking up after a night of heavy boozing to find some mystery cash in  your pocket 
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FamilyTruckster
Politicker
+9
Exec Director, Major Accounts
Brian had a SaaSexplosion alright. 

that absolutely never happened. Most riveting TSA conversation I’ve ever heard was about….nothing. Ever. 
Beans
Politicker
+9
Account Executive
And then everybody clapped!! I’ve never seen that Montoya lad before and I hope to never again.
dwightyouignorantsale
Politicker
+7
Manager, Sales
TSA agents talking about “SaaS explosion” hahahahahaha not a fucking chance dude
Diablo
Politicker
+7
AE
Crazy, some are too much.
DungeonsNDemos
Politicker
+10
Rolling for Initiative
Wait, Brian is still usefull!!! There are still iPads to be bought!!
countingmyinterest
Politicker
+5
Account Executive
lmao the first one was a meme format off twitter, but it's cringe when people are posting it on LI. 

and the last one, holy shit, i hate polls with a passion. i will mute anyone with a stupid poll
Justatitle
Politicker
+11
Mid Market AE
I wish there could be a button where you click mute and if x amount of people mute a person they’re shadow banned from LinkedIn. 
babby816
Fire Starter
+2
Sales Manager
I need a drink. I can’t think of one funny thing to comment on this. Gold, love it..keep it up 🍻
Sunbunny31
Politicker
+5
Sales Executive
That first one made my teeth itch.   

Nobody talks like that....but to specify TSA agents?   Could he have made it any more unbelievable?
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
Yeah, I think he could've, but I'm glad he didn't.
Sunbunny31
Politicker
+5
Sales Executive
It was already painful.   He lives in a fantasy world of one.
SaaSMaster
Politicker
+5
Strategic Partnerships Manager
That first post has got to be the most absurd (and false) brags of all-time
SaaSyBee
Politicker
+5
Sales Content Writer
The best part of my week every week right here. 

But I gotta confess that I'm a poll poster. Hate away, but they work. But who would post a poll that asinine? Blech.
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
+10
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
Trick question: they are all asinine tools for fluff engagement. Just like a lot of the ones in WR.
SaaSyBee
Politicker
+5
Sales Content Writer
Fair! I mean I try to make mine relevant, but you're right that they're all fluffy even if they're about something your audience cares about.
RealPatrickBateman
Politicker
+8
Amateur Butcher
"Do you think its possible to live forever?"..... I don't know, let's find out Brian. You go first. Here's a cyanide capsule. 
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
You get me
GrizzleMcThornBody
Arsonist
+12
EVP - RevOps
I love these and hope I don't ever end up on one.
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
I just wanna send you a LI request so we can be bff’s IRL too
GrizzleMcThornBody
Arsonist
+12
EVP - RevOps
happy to do it. want to guerilla mail?
35
Dumbasses of LinkedIn: Your weekly thread for all things asinine, stupid, or complete BS that you see on LI.
Discussion
82
35
Dumbasses of LinkedIn: Your weekly thread for all things asinine, stupid, or complete BS that you see on LI.
Discussion
82
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Dumbasses of LinkedIn: Your weekly thread for all things asinine, stupid, or complete BS that you see on LI.
Discussion
64