Female Rep shushed by NEW manager in client meeting - Advice/Support Desperately needed

Currently working a $10M+ deal. Night before our biggest meeting yet (took 2 months to get buy in from everyone needed and organize the trip) I have dinner with the entire group from my prospects side and manager won’t be in town in time. we have an AMAZING night.  talk shop.  get some next steps set and a plan in place.  They can't wait to work together and discuss ways to do that further tomorrow.   Towards the end of the night, they tell me how much they dislike my new manager.  How much easier it was to work with the guy I worked for before.  (I don't disagree but I don't tell them this.  I reassure them etc etc).  

I’ve told my new manager for the last 5 weeks before every meeting his approach is too aggressive and I can feel the energy in the room shift. To please let me continue running the deal. I know what I’m doing. This deal is about to enter month 4. My manager is new to the company (2 months or so) and has only been out of new hire training and part of my existing deal since the last week of June.  He has never worked in this industry before.  (Neither have I but I've got 2x tenure on him having started in the spring and I feel confident at this point and had our solutions lead join us for where technical questions may arise).  

We get to the on-site meeting last week the day after the awesome dinner - 7 ppl on their end and 3 on ours. Me. Him. And the guy who runs ALL of solutions design with more experienced than me and my manager combined by a decade and a half.  next steps come up as a topic of discussion.  My champion from the prospect had coached me ahead of time on potential blockers. I communicate this multiple times before the big day to my manager. I go for the key next step ask at the exact right moment. My manager goes “sshhhhh!!! ******* can you just - gosh. LET ME - ugh - can I finish?”  Every face in the room goes 😳.  He seems unaware of the open jaw drops and all these men looking at me to gauge my reaction.  I just looked down into my lap for a moment to catch my breath before pretending everything was kosher for the betterment of our deal.  He takes over the meeting.  Completely.  Doesnt even mention my involvement again.   He proceeds to set next steps that dont involve me. With the executives.  With procurement.  All just him and them. But not me - the actual rep. Who owns the deal. Since day 1.  afterwards he told me my question was "so bad he had no choice" (I've spoken to 4 external mentors since on the VP of Sales and C-Suite buyers side to get both perspectives and none felt my question was bad, inappropriate, or poorly thought out.). 

Within 10 min of this happening they officially end the meeting early - by over 2 hours. After flying 5 executives into town. 

The 3 of us from my company got lunch after. He immediately began to berate me and asked if I “understood what him and the solutions lead were talking about”. I reminded him I brought the issue/potential road blocker up currently being discussed at lunch in a prep call initially ahead of the meeting. He then says I don't seem capable of behaving professionally right now. (I assure you, I was.) "Can you try  and behave like an adult?  are you going to behave like a professional right now?"  I say I'm just listening to what they're discussing.  I haven't even spoken.  He repeats himself.  I say "okay well.  - " and I then let him know shushing me in the meeting was unacceptable and disrespectful towards me, our client, and our company as a whole.  He ignores this and begins to quiz me on the knowledge of my account.  And what our company does.  

I have 10 years of complex enterprise selling experience. I’ve been the #1 rep at every single company I have ever worked for. I've got over 40 pages and spreadsheets of handmade notes and analysis on the prospect I made without support or being expected to.  we go back and forth and I'm able to uncover that he didn't recall who we needed buy in regarding what on during the meeting - something I knew by memory and had received coaching on how to overcome from their own team.  He didn't "realize" let's call him Rob, actually is championing our competitor.  I've told him this muiltiple times.  My champion has told him this directly as well.  

I correctly pass his impromptu technical quiz.  with flying colors.  once he exhausts his efforts in proving why he had to hijack my meeting and shame me in front of the client he goes into "we're trying to accomplish the same thing how do we get the next steps on set?". they had already been set: the night before. just like I told him.  he says "I KNOW YOU SAID THAT - but I needed to hear it for MYSELF AND IM ASKING YOU HOW YOURE GOING TO GO GET THEM SCHEDULED."

Worst experience of my professional life to date.  I was also the only woman in the room and I was the youngest in the room.  I feel super discouraged.  I joined expecting to work for an awesome manager and 1 month in I was told they'd hired a new guy and by month 3 I'd work for him.  and this is what has now become my experience.  month 4 on the job. 

On a serious note the meeting just happened Friday. So I have to address this now this week. Any advice?  HR? VP? help!  😫🤯🤬
🧠 Advice
😤 Conflict Resolution
😳 Ethics
60
figjam
Opinionated
23
Enterprise Sales Executive
Monday morning: VP 1:1 Tuesday morning: VP with HR Update us from there Tuesday at lunch.
TechSalesQueen
Executive
7
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
My mentor told me that cutting the manager out sets me up for getting fired bc the VP hired him. That said the VP has said he expects me to become the top producer of all the 2021 hires. I’m still new here. I’ve never had this route work out in my favor before, unfortunately.
SaaSam
Politicker
7
Account Executive
All the more reason to set a 1:1 with the VP and lay it out. Needs to know who the hell he hired and the potential problems that will come of it
TechSalesQueen
Executive
3
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
I agree and I know it’s what needs to be done. As a women in this industry though who is direct and doesn’t try and sugar coat what I need provided in order to be successful, this has backfired on me before so I’m just hesitant and considering just immediately accepting interview requests instead. Maybe I’ll go do both in conjunction so I have a backup plan for when/if this backfires. Thanks for weighing in!
SaaSam
Politicker
1
Account Executive
In sales I think its important to always have a backup plan and keep your options open. I wouldn't let bad experiences make you change your approach if I was you. Regardless of gender you're going to get bad responses for being direct and not sugar coating anything. Unfortunately people can't handle anything less than positive unless we throw enough sugar on it to cause diabetes. But, those that can handle it will always know they can trust you. If this org you are with doesn't like it just find somewhere that appreciates clear communication 
missyd
Good Citizen
1
Account Executive
I feel so bad your in such a terrible position. I actually really feel your pain. I’ve been at my job for a year and a half so much longer to start looking but the last couple months were very similar to yours and I gave up even telling my VP. My “boss” just wouldn’t listen to him.
Biznasty
Opinionated
0
Lead Business Development Manager
This manager is already setting you up to get fired. Fuck him. 
CaneWolf
Politicker
6
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
I actually would have the VP talk to the client. I bet the client will tell them they want your new manager as far away as possible from them. And yeah, I've seen this work.
LordBusiness
Politicker
14
Chief Revenue Officer
First off, I'm sorry you've experienced this. I wish I could say this is the first time I've heard a story like this, but it's sadly not.  Just so everyone who made read this is clear - this is not ok, at any level. EVER. 

1.  Start looking, honestly I don't think there is mentally coming back from this situation at this company. Its always going to leave a bad taste in your mouth.  

2. How you were spoken to and treated in front of the client and your peers post meeting is absolutely an issue you should discuss directly with HR.    

3. I would schedule a meeting with the VP.   I would discuss the sequence of events, and that you believe this deal is in jeopardy specifically based on the clients reaction to this manager. (their comments prior to the call, their team ending the meeting early, etc.). If your VP doesn't take immediate action here, then even more reason for #1 

4. Come work for me - just based on the details of your preparation and story below I'll hire ya :) 

TechSalesQueen
Executive
5
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
Thank you for validating how this left me feeling. And I agree with you, unless immediate action is taken, I can’t imagine a path forward that doesn’t leave me feeling animosity. As far as a potential future job search, if you can afford me and you can set me up for success - we should talk! 👊🏻 thank you!
xxx
Valued Contributor
2
CRO
I agree with Lord. This is unacceptable. Bounce. There are so many other roles and companies that wouldn't even come close to do anything like this to a coworker. 
TheQueenofDiamonds
Politicker
8
Account Executive
I am speachless, this is so frustrating, I am so very sorry. 

1. I would honestly suggest though not to react too fast and to prep for that HR and VP meetings same way you do for clients. You seem very put together anyways, but a good reminder to keep it to facts only, keep emotions out of it (so fucking sad that we have to say it, it's natural to be pissed and we would never say that to a guy in a similar situation, but that's our reality for women in the sales world, to keep any emotions out).


2. Think about the ideal outcome of theae meetings carefully. Do you want your new manager to be removed from this account? Will he be fired? What would be the outcome that would make you happy? 

3. Look for alternatives (if you don't have non compete) with a competition, since you already have such good relationship with this account, it would be pretty awesome to land a new clients tight away 


 Good luck, you've got it, you a rock star! 

krnshrm
Big Shot
7
Managing Director
Go over his head, he's clearly not professional because he broke one of the most important rule of sales.

DO NOT MAKE YOUR TEAM LOOK BAD. 

Even if you had made a mistake, as a leader (since his title is manager) he should have let you finish and then expounded on it without making you look bad. In joint calls we always use wording such as "in addition to what NAME said, it is also important..." or "Just to further the point...." It actually does not matter if the point is furthered or you made a totally different statement. It is the only way to correct a mistake in front of your potential customers.

And since you did not even make a mistake, your manager is being unprofessional to you and more importantly not acting in the best interest of your employer.


Go over his head, you've got the chops and if your company does not respect you then take your talent elsewhere. 

There is a shortage of women in sales, I'm SURE there are plenty of companies that would take you on.
FlintIronstag
Notorious Answer
6
Chief Marketing Officer
First of all I’m so sorry. That makes my heart sink for you. Secondly, don’t let this go. Don’t let it be excused as being new, a misunderstanding or it won’t happen again. Don’t stand for it or it’ll become the norm. Third. Have 1on1’s with leadership till this person is gone. Good luck.
TechSalesQueen
Executive
2
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
Thank you!! ☺️ It definitely won’t be happening again one way or another. That much I know for sure!
CuriousFox
WR Officer
4
🦊
Nope. This is not cool.

Document everything clearly. Send the recap to the manager and to the VP. Then immediately set a meeting with the VP to discuss. Have zero emotion - this will be hard but you can do it. The point has to be made the account is now in jeopardy because of the outburst of the manager.

Turn on the let recruiters know you are looking for a job function in LinkedIn.
SHMILP
4
Manager of some sort
What a nightmare. I think you should go to HR, especially for the impromptu quiz just to flex his muscles at you after the fact. I had a manager do something similar and his direction for the client was unethical. When we spoke about it later he compared the way I was speaking to him to arguments with his wife… I stopped inviting him to meetings and ultimately left the company.
FromaBlankPerspective
Politicker
3
District Manager
Just here for solidarity, sis. Been there and it’s the worst. I agree that you need to make leadership aware of this. Thankfully you had a third there to witness it. 
TechSalesQueen
Executive
1
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
Thank youuuu!!! 👩🏼‍💼👩🏼‍💼 My company just made all these announcements internally about how proud they are to finally have hired women in sales. Yet.. this .. is who you hired to manage them? I spent half my career helping companies find and retain talent before I moved into more tech heavy hardware and software. You can hire diverse candidates all day long if you try hard enough to find them. But if you don’t have the resources and inclusive environment waiting (even bare minimum professionalism would’ve been enough for me) once they get in the door they’re going to leave. Tale as old as time.
sales7
Politicker
3
Commercial Product Enablement
I hate this person. I'd be taking that straight to the top. Also covering yourself because if he blows up the deal he can't blame it on you!
Hoopnip
Politicker
3
Commercial AE
HR isn’t there to help you but protect the company. Close the deal and if your boss doesn’t change with direct feedback ( it seems like something triggered him to think you weren’t being professional) you may want to talk to your VP about getting on another team assuming you like the company / product. Going to HR will put a target on your back unfortunately so I would push to be on a different team or close it and start interviewing… Good luck!
mcsalesperson1
Politicker
2
Account Executive
I unfortunately just went through something similar to this. Nobody should have to go through this hell. I would go straight to HR. 1) it protects you because it seems like your manager dislikes you. Unfortunately I don’t think that will change, and (I’m assuming) you have zero respect for him. So 2) maybe HR can move you to a new team? I don’t know if that’s a possibility. I feel for you. This happens all too often to women in the tech industry. It’s absolutely disgusting.
TechSalesQueen
Executive
0
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
Yes to all of this. All 👏🏽of👏🏽this👏🏽
goose
Politicker
2
Sales Executive
This may seem out of the box but I think your only real play here is to speak with your clients.  I know you said they appeared to be shocked by your manager's antics.  Perhaps they can say something to the VP on your behalf.

After all, if you say it then it's bragging; if you client says it then it's proof.
TechSalesQueen
Executive
3
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
I scheduled a one on one with my client for Wednesday of this week and an agenda item was “general feedback” - I intentionally left my manager off the invite. I 100% agree.
goose
Politicker
0
Sales Executive
How did it go?
TechSalesQueen
Executive
1
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
My client call got pushed to this week so tbd!
RaymundoFlex
Opinionated
2
AE
Send me his address and I’ll beat his face in with a baseball bat
TechSalesQueen
Executive
2
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
New Jersey, Philly, or Staten Island?
youKNOW
Politicker
2
Sales Manager
I f*cking hate this for you. I've been there with a "manager" that felt the need to try and take over meetings, to inject themselves whenever possible (and say the stupidest sh*t), and to generally make your life hell. I'm guessing this dude also boasts about big deals he's closed at other companies? Whatever...f*ck him, I'm sure with the feedback that the savages here can give, you'll be able to get around this dude quickly.

I do have a question on this, at one point you mentioned that he said that you asked a "question that was so bad that he had no choice?" Do you recall off hand what that question was? From everything else you've described, I'm sure its actually probably a PRETTY GOOD question. I'm just curious about what he takes to be a bad question because that will describe his headstate in the meeting. 
TechSalesQueen
Executive
2
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
They’ve mentioned numerous times IT requirements and technical reviews have been a hindrance to bring in vendors of their choice. They also mentioned preferring on prem and we only host in a multi-tenant cloud environment. My question was essentially asking if we can do an initial connection of both technical teams to review their requirements against ours to ensure we don’t have any road blockers that either party couldn’t negotiate through before a multi-city tour involving everyone’s time on both ends began later this month.
youKNOW
Politicker
2
Sales Manager
Got it, although I don't sell what you sell, it makes sense. Get all the boxes checked to make sure there's no issue. 
Sounds like your manager suffers from one-directional thinking and isn't understanding that there are quite a few steps still needed. Also sounds like he can't handle a big dollar amount sale. Numbers like that require finesse and calm....NOT nervous energy, and irrationality.

Thoughts: 

1)Sounds like you respect your "mentor" quite a bit, and while his opinion may still be valid, my personal opinion is that at some point you have to fly on your own. If the VP has a lot of faith in your ability; I think they need to know what's happening.

2) It's sh*tty to say this but you may have to "play the game" a little bit with your manager. I f*cking hate to do this kind of stuff, when I know that I haven't done anything wrong, but you may have to hold his hand a little on the deal. Go to him and ask for his opinion etc etc. It usually will take someone's guard down when they are treated as though they are involved. This should hopefully give you some more leeway with the direction the deal is going. I'm NOT saying you need to take any of this moron's advice....just pretend like you're listening.

3) If it doesn't work out, know that you haven't done anything wrong. Move forward and kill it wherever you go.
butwhy
Politicker
1
Solutions Engineer
> They also mentioned preferring on prem and we only host in a multi-tenant cloud environment.

You were asking EXACTLY what any sane SC/SE would be asking at that point as well. 9/10 times onprem is brought up for ease of purchasing and not for an actual tech requirement and it is the right question to make sure it can be overcome successfully. I cannot effing even with this story, especially as a woman SE, and if you are ever looking, my company is hiring. 
justatopproducer
Politicker
1
VP OF SALES -US
Sheesh, sorry this happened to you. I wish i had some advice, but im speechless.
TechSalesQueen
Executive
0
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
Thank you 👊🏻 I’m still honestly in shock.
quokkadownunder
Politicker
1
SDR
Following this. Hang in there sis! ❤️
pretengineer
Politicker
1
Head of the crumpets
It sounds like he has something to prove, wants to be the super-rep, wants to feel a bunch of validation and needs to be right all the time. Sucks to be him, sucks to be working with him.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. That sucks. From a deal standpoint, and more importantly as a human. IMO, skadaddle your way out there / his team. You tried to talk and he doubled down on his POV.
 I'd love for you to get him strong feedback from people who have power to enforce it, but if you can't, remove yourself from that situation.
Rupert_Pupkin
Contributor
1
Account Executive
Might have been said in the thread just couldn’t track all the comments. What is your relationship with your tech team member? Any type of validation (customer, teammates, etc…) would help with the VP. He might not give the guy the lashing he deserves, but he will recognize the potential of losing the deal and act unless he’s an idiot.
Sniper
Valued Contributor
1
Enterprise Account Executive
@TechSalesQueen your manager has issues. I feel bad for your manager. You have a right to a healthy functional workplace and your manager doing that is straight pathetic on him
RollOverBeethoven
Contributor
1
Commercial Director
This is terrible behavior to be getting from someone in a senior position. Sorry you have to put up with that bullshit. It sounds like a standard control issue - maybe he's jealous of you! Whatever the reason, the approach for me is always similar. 

'Give em rope', so to speak. Document everything, ask for email follow ups on his thoughts/plans ect. Honestly, it's not much but the best you can do when it's a superior imo.

If the deal crashes and burns, then pull the rope. 
cw95
Politicker
1
Sales Development Lead
Sorry that happened, 100% highlight it! Too many people get power hungry and the more and more they do it the more and more people face it. Stop them in their tracks! 
Woody
Politicker
1
Business Development Executive
I try to foster the impression among my peers that if they were to speak to me like that they may get physically injured.  Not sure that helps at all. 
FailingUptheLadder
Personal Narrative
1
Senior Account Executive
Reading this gave me so much anxiety. I’m cringing.
Malte
1
ISR
I started boiling when reading this. Luckily I’ve been spared such treatment, but have seen other types of managerial malpractice.

please keep us posted on how this develops.
missyd
Good Citizen
1
Account Executive
I’m in the same situation… unless you have a good relationship with the VP there’s not much you can do… then at the end of the day it depends on whether he listens to his boss… mine doesn’t so hopefully yours is better. It’s unfortunate that it’s only four months in because otherwise your best bet would be to leave…
techsales
Politicker
1
Enterprise Account Executive
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've been in similar scenarios my entire career. My advice would be:

1. Definitely raise this to HR and stick to the facts only without any emotion. Lay out the sequence of events and how the manager spoke over you in a derogatory manager in front of clients and a peer and that it is not creating an environment conducive to doing your best work.

2. I would raise it with the VP and stick to the facts as well. Lay out the sequence of the deal, the champion-building you were doing the evening before, and how the lack of collaboration with your existing manager led to the meeting ending early and you not getting those next steps you know are critical to move the deal forward.

3. If after those steps you feel comfortable, I would have a direct conversation with your manager and HR present. 

If you feel as though there is any risk to being fired or you experience any retaliating behavior, there's so many better companies you can work for. Again I'm so sorry this happened.

Managers... do better.
TheDragon
Good Citizen
1
CVO
First off, I’ve actually had this same thing happen when I was sitting at the table (I would’ve been the third person on your side). IMMEDIATELY, I corrected his behavior. That is absolutely uncalled for. As for your question, HR should be your first call. If that doesn’t get results, I personally give you permission to jump chain of command and go to his senior and place a formal, written complaint. If that doesn’t get a result, I recommend finding a company that would respect you a bit more.
MrsDoubtfire
Good Citizen
1
Territory Manager
Sounds like a man with some serious insecurities about a woman running the show. As another female in sales battling the constant male-dominated ‘I know better than you’ mentality in many aspects, I’m very hopeful you stand your ground and don’t take shit from asshats like your new manager. You sound like you’re worth a ton to an organization, hell, I’d like to be your friend and know your secrets lol. Stay ahead of his mind games and immature antics, dominate him in all the categories of emotional intelligence especially in front of your superiors, and keep slaying so he can’t hold anything personally against you to make you out to be the incompetent tool at the table. Clearly he is and if you don’t get the support you need—PEACE OUT GIRL SCOUT. Find a new company and a new manager who will adore you for your talents and promote your ability to flourish with their leadership & guidance. Manager who can’t stfu when they need to truly don’t belong in their positions. Sending good vibes and best of luck to you sister!!!
alecabral
Arsonist
0
Director - Digital Sales Transformation
I'm sorry you went through that. I don't think it has to do with a manager-employee thing but rather with how junior this guy is, and how badly he wants to impress his boss or something.

To be honest, I'd walk straight to HR with something like this. If your company has a HR hotline, that's a good first step actually. 
TechSalesQueen
Executive
3
Sr. Enterprise Account Executive
He threatened to fire my peer who started in the same new hire class as him for something unbelievably petty. This isn’t a me vs him issue. It’s a him issue. My entire team is in alliance on this.
alecabral
Arsonist
1
Director - Digital Sales Transformation
Hopefully leadership acts accordingly. There should be no space in the team for someone like him and it seems to me you have enough evidence to just show them that.
TheHypnotist
Executive
0
Sales Manager
Ask to be assigned a new manager, at least on a temporary basis so that you can demonstrate that this guy is being an asshole and destroying deals.
7

Gratitude for the close - How far do you go to thank the assist team (BDR, Sales Eng, Customer Success...)

Question
12
How far do you go to recognize team mates?
43% Send a gift at some point in the year
41% Include all assist people in the shout out email
11% Write unsolicited feedback in their review
5% I win alone
44 people voted
4

Solutions Engineer to First Hire Account Executive - Your ADVICE needed.

Question
6