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"Hey, Intern! Tilt the camera down, let me see your pants"

Working from home has ushered in the age of mindless video calls. Apparently it never occurred to everyone that simple phone calls minus the face-to-face aspect have been and are still available for use, but I digress.


As much as I abhor when someone suggests we "jump on a Zoom call," I've found a way closely monitor my WFH interns. Most of the WFH world has gotten complacent and have taken solace knowing that they can roll out of bed, throw a hat on, and nonchalantly walk over to their desk wearing boxer briefs, sweatpants, shorts, or their strap-on dildo (okay the last one might just be me but you get the point).


I am completely fine with being able to work comfortably at home without being pressured to get ready and look entirely presentable.......unless you are an intern.


Interns are sub-human. Interns rights are not inherent. Interns have temporary privileges that are granted by people like myself.


Last week, I caught one of my interns, Trevor, attempting to exercise one of his so-called rights on our morning virtual intern cig burn lineup on Zoom. Since I can't physically burn the cigarette on their cheeks via Zoom, I have them simulate a reaction on video if I were to do it. The louder they scream in agony, the more bread they are rationed for the week.


Trevor showed up wearing a suit jacket and tie (as I mandate), but something was off. I asked Trevor to tilt down his camera so I could see what he was wearing on the bottom-half of his body. Trevor began to stutter and ask why. I repeated one more time. "Trevor, tilt the camera down and let me see your pants."


Sweatpants.


I immediately logged off and threw my laptop out of the window in anger. I'm still trying to figure out a proper punishment for his disobedience. Anyone have any recommendations for how I should handle Trevor?


-paddy

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30
Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
+9
WR Enthusiast
I think Trevor got out easy, I say we drive to his place and burn the cigar on his face.Β 
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
If he's lucky.
Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
+9
WR Enthusiast
You are right we should step it up, burn his house down and make him watch from inside the closet.Β 
Show 2 more replies
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+11
Senior Account Executive
Oh Trevor. When will ya learn buddy?
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
Oh he'll learn. I'll make sure of that.
Craggus
Opinionated
+1
Key Account Manager
I'm not so sure - these guys have a way of really not learning at all... And then jumping to another ship and learning even less...
WCK
Notorious Answer
+11
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
PUBLIC. CASTRATION.
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
If he’s lucky.
WCK
Notorious Answer
+11
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
I don't think he is, good point
Incognito
WR Officer
+11
Master of Disaster
Obviously a spiked chastity device. It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving.
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
You cruel monster. I love it.
Incognito
WR Officer
+11
Master of Disaster
I'm keeping the key
Chep
WR Officer
+10
Business Development Team Lead
8 hour Zoom call full view of him on camera the entire time and if he goes off camera for any reason you fire him. Of course during this 8 hours he will be forced to use a dial-out device to make calls and read off such a god awful script he never receives any scheduled meetings just a lot of fuck offs. If he doesn't leave ready to enter the sales role as a real bdr/sdr/ whatever the hell you wanna call it development representative then fire this intern, but if he makes it out he might just be ready for the cruel world that is cold calling😫
poweredbycaffeine
WR Officer
+9
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
A full pack of pall mall 120s...to the taint.
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
How about a carton?
poweredbycaffeine
WR Officer
+9
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
Spiiiiicy
WomenWantMeFishFearMe
Opinionated
+3
SDR V
I worked in tobacco. Fun fact, Pall Malls are literally just repackaged Camels.

Edit:
They just have a higher discount rate so they sell them cheaper.
poweredbycaffeine
WR Officer
+9
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
I've always wanted to say this to someone that works in the industry: THE GREAT STATE OF VERMONT WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR IT'S CHEESE!
Show 1 more replies
Shihtzudawn
Opinionated
+6
Senior Director of Business Development
Fuck his wife, drink his blood!
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
Hi would you like to come work for me?Β 
Shihtzudawn
Opinionated
+6
Senior Director of Business Development
Hopefully you are the guy I just interviewed with...
Incognito
WR Officer
+11
Master of Disaster
Hey look @paddyΒ  - you have a new applicant!
ragnarlothbrok
Politicker
+6
Key account manager
this thread is brilliant πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
GrizzleMcThornBody
Politicker
+7
EVP - RevOps
That was a good curve. I read the title and had an idea and then read your story and it was something else. Good work.
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
This is classic Paddy but if anybody asks you to see your pants on camera, you are legally allowed to Purge them.
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
Unless you are an intern.
youKNOW
Politicker
+7
Sales Manager
I'd have him butt chug a handle of Kahlua in front of all the other interns...Eyes Wide Shut style...
WCK
Notorious Answer
+11
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
That is his reward for booking a meeting. We don't reward this.
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
That's part of their basic duties.Β 
Re
RedLightning
Politicker
+7
Mid-Market AE
You've got an opportunity for a classic "you'll get what you wanted but it won't be what you expected moment." You want to wear SWEATpants? Okay, then you can sweat. Crank the heat
privateryan
Politicker
+5
Director of Sales
Tell him you forgive him. So he lets his guard down. Next time you’re all in office (hopefully this fall or the plan falls apart from step one) offer your team some caramel dipped apples. His will be an onion you dipped in caramel. When he’s revolted by the taste, offer him a drink of your water. Surprise cock bag, it’s vodka. When he spits it out it’ll drip all over himself where you’ll have a cigarette to light him on fire. You’ll tell him to stop, drop, and roll. He’ll hit the ground where you’ll tar and father him. Just a thought
TheHypnotist
Opinionated
+2
Sales Manager
make him wear your strap-on
Wo
Woody
Opinionated
+3
Business Development Executive
Make him live call his parents and apologize to them for being such a below average son.Β 
goose
Politicker
+11
Sales Executive
Get the cheese grater
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+8
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
True beauty never fades, no matter the ageΒ 
BoatsnBros
Good Citizen
Business Development Manager
Promotion
WCK
Notorious Answer
+11
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
Wrong
BoatsnBros
Good Citizen
Business Development Manager
You’re right. Reserved for those who don’t wear anything down below.
Feds_Watchin
Politicker
+6
Account Executive
Liveleak.com. All the interns pick a video he has to reinact. You pick the winner.
cw95
Politicker
+6
Pricing Executive
Only fools n horses. Trevor. Tut Tut. We, brits, Agree. Bloody Trevor.Β 
WomenWantMeFishFearMe
Opinionated
+3
SDR V
"I cannot demote you anymore than where you're at, so I'm going to smoke the ever loving shit out of you, until you run out of water to make tears..."
Mobi85
Opinionated
+4
Regional Sales Manager
I believe the only appropriate thing to do is tell them they are getting promoted to customer
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