Filth

Live Filthy or Die Clean

Valued Contributor

How do you not bring it home with you?

Savages and Comrades,

Lately I have been stressed as a mother fucker. Between business plans, q4 close and q1 pipes, and back and forth on commission confirmations and inaccuracies - not to mention the babysitting of clients, both new and old (I'm an AM), and sometimes coworkers (support, dev, and onboarding). I work for a smaller company that has a great market share of the logistics space and the amount of growth we've achieved with the lack of personnel means "fluid" responsibilities. On top of that, in the past 3 years I went from bachelor to husband and stepfather of 3. I have one of my own on the way **SUPER FUCKING EXCITED**. Between all of these things, it's been really hard to clock out and shake of the daily frustration and not put it into turning into Drill Sergeant Step Dad at home. Weed helps, but you can't turn to that and alcohol everyday when you clock out and drive home (literally or metaphorically). Any tips on how to flip the switch from business man to family man so I don't fuck up what's really important in life?

Don't worry, I'm not crazy down on myself, just noticing some patterns and seeing some concern in my partner when I start to lack the patience that any child deserves. How do you turn off the control freak?

Love you guys, any advice helps and honestly just typing this out was pretty damn cathartic. I'll put a poll for some point love to you savages and readers out there.

PS me and another split the win on the Sahil Bowl - great job Scoregasms, money should be coming in soon.

Are you a Sales Parent? You savages got little ones running around?

Attached poll

NO way! Split my sweet Comish up? You're crazy man! Got me a future savage or three :D

*Voting in this poll no longer yields commission.

🙏 Mental Wellness

24

33 comments

Sort by:

antiASKHOLE

Tycoon

4

Bravado's Resident Asshole

I should get a royalty for the name Scoregasm. just saying.

Filth

Politicker

1

Live Filthy or Die Clean

ha! checks in the mail buddy. Was a great team, shame the season ended with the Bills player going down the way he did and make just about every league split. Who knows, might have saved me a defeat. Appreciate you being along for the ride.

antiASKHOLE

Tycoon

2

Bravado's Resident Asshole

without a doubt, My clueless ass might just join the league next year if it happens again.

DungeonsNDemos

Big Shot

1

Rolling 20's all day

The trademark must be in the mail

TennisandSales

Politicker

3

Head Of Sales

ok so first its always good when you can identify that this is happening, and what specifically can be causing it. so good for you.

1. therapy. idk if you have ever done it before, but talking to a therapist can be SUPER helpful. they are trained to help ppl do exactly what you are asking.

2. have a routine that you follow. I use to use my commute home (when i worked in an office) to unwind. i would run through the day in my mind, talk out loud about all the shit that was annoying, listen to podcasts or music. this would help me move past it before I got home.

3. talk to your spouse about what you need and what she needs when you get home, to allow for both of you to start the next phase of the day with both of you home.

Filth

Politicker

3

Live Filthy or Die Clean

I've def thought about talking to someone - maybe even less than professionally but thats a good idea.

I miss having a longer commute (office is only 7m away now). Used to have more time to unwind but many times I have to hurry home to get kids to their activities. I think you're onto something with talking out loud about my thoughtgs and stresses even if just in my car.

Yeah shes open to anything, the hard part is identifying what exactly I need to get in the right space.

Appreciate the response Tennis Pro.

TennisandSales

Politicker

3

Head Of Sales

yeah I would look into it if I was you.

for me, doing something physical is helpful. walking the dogs, mowing the grass, playing tennis (if time allows). these help me break from work and enter into being at home.

now that i work from home i will take a 30 min break after im done working before seeing the family.

Kosta_Konfucius

Politicker

2

Sales Rep

Not a parent, but did see there is something in the Academy for Parenting. Its at the bottom so it can get lost.

It has a decent write up on setting boundaries, which can be helpful to anyone who is not looking to mix professional and personal life.

Here is the link: https://bravado.co/academy/parenting

Filth

Politicker

1

Live Filthy or Die Clean

Appreciate the link - didn't see the one in the academy. Physically that would do the trick and working from home the 2-3 days a week I do it doesn't bring too much friction. For me it's a lot of the stress and uncertainty that is a core aspect of any sales job sticking to me past office hours.

Lambda

Tycoon

2

Sales Consultant

Good that you identified it but my old go to saying is, what option do you have?
Adapt or die
Put it into perspective, outsource tasks as much as you can (even if it costs you $$)
You have to prioritize and utilize you're reasources appropriately

for example I was the breadwinner in the family up until recently I lost my gig and cant find a job to save my life so my wife went back to bartend. I hate child care (call me a bad dad, w.e just not my jam) but until i can find a way back into the workforce i have to pour everything into my guys or else

You have decisions and can make changes, you just need to take 2-3 hrs alone to figure it out

best of luck, dm if you need anything

Filth

Politicker

2

Live Filthy or Die Clean

Thank man appreciate the perspective and hope you get a new gig soon. I know that is some serious stress in its own right. The outsourcing may be something I can look into for a few things that might give me a bit more time to mellow out and enjoy my family.

Lambda

Tycoon

0

Sales Consultant

happy to be a resource just give me a message in the app

washedD1soccer

Politicker

2

Regional Sales Manager

Work less but maximize the time you are working to the nth degree. Prioritize your family. After several years of purely focusing on my career, switching focus to family led me to make the most money of my career and still actually be happy with the person I am.

Several close family members are dying/died in the last year for me so maybe my perspective is just different. Can always make more money but you never know how much time you have with your family.

Filth

Politicker

1

Live Filthy or Die Clean

So sorry for your losses in the past year, I hope you have family and friends to lean on as you go through that.

Yeah getting myself to not sweat the small stuff and prioritize accordingly work wise is something I working towards and hopefully if the company can bring in more personnel I can slash some accounts not worth my time, or more stress than the MRR they bring in.

clintrus

Personal Narrative

2

Product Sales Specialist

I'm a father of two myself (a 4 year old maniac and a 9 month old daughter) and can relate to every single word in this post... it's even more amplified because my wife is a tech sales savage of her own.
Anyway, along with everything that everyone else is saying about creating boundaries, talking to people, etc, here's how we get by:
1. We pay a shit ton for childcare. Full-time nanny during the week and also make sure we do at least one night out every week with just ourselves. I'm sure a "financial advisor" would look at our spending habits on childcare and be aghast, but I can confidently say that it's the best money we spend. Unquestionably.
2. Put the phone down. When the nanny leaves at 5:30 until the time the kids go down at 8:30 or so, my wife and I do everything we can to not touch our phones. It isn't easy, but those little devices are a pandora's box to the stress from work and even if I catch myself "checking a score," I almost always inevitably check Slack or email and it's a nasty habit. Put the phones down - it'll make things better for you and your wife.
3. Communicate. Can't stress the importance of this enough. Therapy is a great option to help with this, but also, just make sure that you and your wife are able to have open communication about each other's needs and desires to make your home environment as comfortable and safe as possible. Family is #1, and open communication will help keep it this way.
Kudos to you for posting about this - keep killing it

Sunbunny31

Politicker

1

Sr Sales Executive 🐰

Raised two - one is now 21 and the other is about to be 18.

I've been mad at myself for being short tempered with the fam when I'm stressed - so I remind myself to breathe, enjoy, and definitely unplug. When you are with your kids, be WITH YOUR KIDS. Set your own boundaries, and follow them. That's not to say that work won't come up when you're supposed to be doing something else - I can't tell you how many calls I've taken sitting in my car in the parking lot while a kid is at practice - but if you are spending time with the kids and you have no critical call you need to take, don't answer the work phone, don't look at email (until they're in bed) and do your best to have a great life outside of work.

Your family is why you work; don't let work itself spoil that.

Filth

Politicker

1

Live Filthy or Die Clean

I knew you had at least one giving me some fantasy advice. Exactly what I'm trying to do - sometimes I don't realize I'm carrying the shit around until it's too late. Family is exactly why I work and why getting this figured it out and done is so important. Thank bunny, always a pleasure to hear your 2 cents.

Sunbunny31

Politicker

1

Sr Sales Executive 🐰

Thank you, Filth. Yeah, two baby bunnies for me - not so baby any more.

But I also have my moments where I get preoccupied with something from work and it carries over. I do my very best to minimize that, but since patience is definitely something I'll be working on as a lifelong project...I'm not always successful.

I'll also add: try to be kind to yourself. Parenting is not easy. I've been the worst mom ever a few times. Fortunately, my kids are resilient, but boy, I've regretted a few things. Forgive yourself for lapses that are just that; you're also human and won't be perfect 100% of the time.

Pachacuti

Politicker

1

They call me Daddy, Sales Daddy

As a dad of 5 I know what it’s like.

First off - stop with the weed/alcohol 💩. You’re a dad now, not just punk kid working at McDs. Time to grow up.

Find a physical hobby - mountain biking, weights, running, etc where you can decompress naturally. Communicate with your wife too. She may/may not understand but at least talk about your concerns.

We ALL have some level of anxiety and stress. Learning how to deal with it is what makes you a man.

Filth

Politicker

1

Live Filthy or Die Clean

I've for sure cut down the extracurriculars of the bachelor days to a minimum and I don't want to turn to them as a coping mechanism at all. I feel that the physical hobby could be a real ticket here. I appreciate you input and that you've done it/doing it with 5 of your won. Thanks!

FinanceEngineer

Politicker

1

Sr Director, sales and partnerships

Yeah, gotta show that love to the kids. They don’t want to know what I’ve said or how hard I work until they have to do it. Hopefully, like my father’s harder work, I can make it easier on them.

Filth

Politicker

0

Live Filthy or Die Clean

Ha, good point - sometimes I wanna just show them how much work goes into just making basic plans works out for them but I think you're right about making it seem like work is a background thing, not the core thing.

ive

Executive

1

SAE (Senior Account Executive)

There needs to be a sort of sick capability for one to disassociate themselves. I found that being relentlessly disconnected from the outcome is key for me. I put in the effort required, observe, adjust as needed, review/internalize any value and then move on. It is not the material that makes the house whole, rather the space within and how it is filled (or not).

TheKing

Good Citizen

1

CEO

We all want to be pro and do the best job possible. That's important.
But do you know what's more important? You...and your family. You need to find a balance. But prioritizing your family will make that easier. I'm not saying let up at work, just making sure your family is number one.
You want to be there for their important life milestones. It creates a bond for which there is no substitute.
On their deathbed, how many people regret not spending more time in the office.
If you need to bring some work home, then so be it. Make sure that you always carve out some time just to spend with your family.
Your wife is your partner. Communicate. You're a team. If spendingthose quality time moments together means turning off your phones or laptops, then turn them off.

BostonBoss

Big Shot

1

Head of Revenue

I've got 5 kids @Filthso I hear you. What helps me disconnect is mandatory dinner time at the same time every single day. Something about my little 5 year old twins coming up and enthusiastically inviting me to dinner helps me to say, "This sh** can wait."

CuriousFox

WR Officer

0

🦊

Mad respect for you friend.

ChickenWings

Opinionated

0

Tom Callahan's Son

1. You said it already...writing this out helped. Good outlet, comrade.

2. You've experienced a lot of change over the last few years. Take a moment to breathe and recognize that when the stress kicks in. You've progressed with that stress.

3. Good on ya for being self aware in the patience you'll need with kids around. I'm not step-parent, but I do have kids. Without a discussion about the difference between the two, I will go out on limb saying the one on the way will teach you the patience you seek.

Long game, brotha. Have confidence that you and your partner will work through the change and have balance again.

SaasSlingin

Politicker

0

Sr AE

Life comes at you fast. No advice here cause I’m young and inexperienced when it comes to all of this but wish you the best! Would love to see a post on what’s you employed as to how you got a handle of things, when you do

fearless

Personal Narrative

0

Business Development Representative

The best way to do it is to find a release for your stress! Doing yoga or some other physical activity is always good. I would also advise taking time for yourself and hanging out with some friends. If you don't take time to prioritize your health and sanity, it will catch up.

0

Account Executive

I'm permanent WFH since 2020 and the close quarters forced us to buckle down and buy a home sooner than we anticipated. My 5yo senses when I've had a bad day, and it's particularly hard when you live where you shit where you eat where you work - and there's no set work hours when you WFH.Nearly 3yrs remote still hasn't enabled me to find a perfect system, but I am thankful for employer flexibility to step out for a run, or have a therapy session (I second, therapy) to help with the ringing in my ears when work and parenthood come to a boiling point.
Stay strong. I believe in throwing everything at the wall and see what sticks. It's hard to find motivation to get out when it's 0 degrees, but I encourage you find little wins.

cshelk

Good Citizen

0

National Director of Business Development

Hit the gym on the way to/home from work. I find it clears my head, and allows me to reset for the next event.

HighlandThor

0

Senior Director, North America

My wife reminded me years ago that our house is such a special place that you need a key to get into it. A former SVP of sales gave me this great advice as well,”in your pursuit of everything that money can buy, don’t lose the things that money can’t buy”.

laterskater

Personal Narrative

0

VP of Sales

I recently picked up mediation and it's helped me in a lot of ways. Most importantly, it's given me mental space to observe my feelings/stress/anxiety and remove *some* of the emotional response tied to those feelings.But it didn't come easy or natural to me.
For many years meditation was like "Yea I should do that, I'll start tomorrow". Our company recently started providing paid access to Headspace app and the guided, daily practices make it so I don't have to put in any thought as to what I should do, I just do it. And only takes 10 minutes.
Best of luck.

Bravado is a community of trusted sales professionals endorsed by their customers.

Products

The War Room Jobs Salary Guide Tech Sales U

Company

About Us How It Works Blog Bug Bounty

Contact

© 2024 Bravado Inc. All rights reserved.

Privacy Policy Legal and Privacy Center Sales Jobs

If you are hired as a contract sales rep by a Bravado customer, we may ask you to prove access to the employee email account provided to you by that customer. This data will be shared with customers to track your sales productivity; customers can use this data to confirm you meet the minimum activity requirements to pay out your ramp stipend and commission.