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How far will you let flirting go

Question for everyone - how far will you let flirting to go to get you an opportunity?


Female ISR & I've been upping my LinkedIn lately. Which is great for prospecting, but makes me feel slimy sometimes because I can tell some men are talking to me because they think I'm attractive.


Normally I'm one to ignore flirting but it's obvious when they bring up "moving to the US for romance that didn't work out" etc.


Now I'm talking to a new Director of DevOps who I think would be a great prospect but he's asking if I'm married...starting to feel a little nauseous but also could use the opportunity.


As an ISR I'll prospect & take the first meeting or so but then hand it off so I don't have to work with these people long-term.


How far will you/have you let someone go with flirting in order to get an opp/close a deal?


-------------------------------------


Update: I let it slide until he asked for my instagram. Then I blocked him.


Right after he said his daughter was coming home from college this weekend. Ick.

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47
Incognito
WR Officer
+11
Master of Disaster
First, I’m sorry that you have to deal with this and you feel uncomfortable. 

My personal rule is that they can touch my breasts once for every $500k they spend. Once equates to roughly five seconds of groping. They can absolutely extend the experience - for another $500k. I have actually said this to prospects and clients before, in a very serious tone, when I feel like they need a check. Gets it out in the open, so they can laugh it off or I make a $500k deal. 

Slimy dudes who prospect for hookups through work tend to calm the fuck down when you get very direct and beat them at their game. 

Also, my breasts were very expensive so I know it’s what they’re thinking about. 
nomdeguerre
Valued Contributor
+5
VP of Channel Partner Sales
Well clearly, judging by the number of responses, a woman's breast can certainly get the dialog going here... unsurprising :-)

Btw... if anyone is interested I'll let you grope my man-boobs for a lot less than $500K ;-)
Incognito
WR Officer
+11
Master of Disaster
Always push for the big ask
Show 1 more replies
Coffeesforclosers
Notable Contributor
+11
Director Sales and Market Development
Well there you have it folks, everyone has their price. 

Grimy dudes though, grow up, thats what tinder is for not linkedin or cold callers, gross. 
Diablo
Catalyst
+6
Sales
@Incognito this was class apart
queenops
Opinionated
+5
Maker of Sales
love this so much
GrizzleMcThornBody
Politicker
+7
EVP - RevOps
you can love it for $500k.
Show 3 more replies
UserNotFound
Politicker
+9
Mid Market Manager
@Incognito  pulling out a true win-win here! 
TheHypnotist
Opinionated
+2
Sales Manager
What (else) do I get for $500k? (i.e. what do you sell? - humour intended)
Incognito
WR Officer
+11
Master of Disaster
Shit to cover your ass for the impending sexual harassment lawsuits. It will be a sliding scale. 
Seres96
Olympia
I agree

Tom4220
Senior Cloud Sales
This tickled me far too much for a Monday morning phahahah
ValliantInvestors
Old School Bravo
Founder
Yesssss!  Check the slimy dude with crass man humor...

be
bellaccione
Contributor
+3
Sales Consultant (principal)
this is super, super, super weird and a side of sales I haven't seen since I lived in NYC in the early 2000s.



In no circumstances that *I've* ever been a part of would a male decisionmaker, evaluating product/service to actually deliver value to his company and directly affect his P&L, be seduced by this type of behaviour (you can touch my breasts if you spend 500k). 

I *must* be missing something here

nomdeguerre
Valued Contributor
+5
VP of Channel Partner Sales
I believe you are
Show 3 more replies
GrizzleMcThornBody
Politicker
+7
EVP - RevOps
Sorry you have to deal with this. I'm a guy and I'm married. So hitting on other married men never gets me very far.

Dudes are shitbags, especially in leadership. I think if they're hitting on you from day 1, you're unlikely to get a deal anyways.

Find someone else to talk to who can have a serious conversation and if ever possible, loop in the old scumbag so they get embarrassed and clean up their act.
TheNegotiator
Politicker
+7
VP of Sales
Can confirm. Am a shitbag. . Not quite to this extent, I’d never hit on anyone through LI, FB, IG, etc, but yes, dudes in leadership got there for a reason.
Incognito
WR Officer
+11
Master of Disaster
What reason? 
Show 3 more replies
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
I think the key about the deal not being real if they hit on you from day 1 is really true. Get away from those assholes and get on to the next.
Incognito
WR Officer
+11
Master of Disaster
Bullshit. If you’re good, you can pivot from anything. 

Let them look, and then meet the pitbull who actually knows what they’re talking about who instantly earns their respect because it’s the last thing they thought would happen. 
Jamiroquai
Good Citizen
+3
Chief Check-in Officer
Agreed, if they aren't going to take you seriously in a professional setting then they do not deserve to be talking to you. Call out the nonsense and reassert that if they are not willing to take this serious then you will move on. Put that fker in his place!
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+11
Senior Account Executive
Take the immediate red flag as a sign and reach out to a different contact.
TheDonnyDifference
Good Citizen
Sales Manager
Agreed. Go with your gut and look elsewhere. 
RealPatrickBateman
Politicker
+7
Amateur Butcher
As a Male I'm gonna put my two cents out there. We're terrible and simple creatures, first and foremost. Also, the older men get, the less "self aware" we are or just generally don't give af anymore (which is just a sad fact of life lol).


If you feel the flirting has crossed the line, please say so, draw that line in the sand and STAND FIRM. 


BUT, if you are comfortable with using it (not in a sketchy or self-compromising way) then use it to your advantage to make connections, book deals and SECURE THE BAG BY ALL MEANS, to the victor goes the spoils. 
GrizzleMcThornBody
Politicker
+7
EVP - RevOps
i feel like the older i get the more self aware ive become. i have a lot to lose. no way im fucking it up on a 7% commission check. 

- we fly separate
- we drive our own cars
- don't text me
- i bring a 3rd to every outing with a chick
- i better not see a fucking emoji come across my screen.
- dont call me after hours
- dont ask questions bout my life.
- if im having a rough day, you dont need to know about it.

i curse like a sailor and joke around a lot but i function like a mormon.

Yo
YoursTruly
Opinionated
+1
Account Executive (SaaS)
You are so insecure that you refuse to be alone with a woman in a work setting? Lmao that is pretty damn pathetic. 

Show 5 more replies
TheNegotiator
Politicker
+7
VP of Sales
100% agree. How far should you let it go? How far can you let it go without having to make any kind of real physical/emotional commitment? . As long as it “costs you nothing” use what you have, especially when the other party instigates. I despise manipulative women, but at the same time, I look at other men and I think they 3000% deserve it when they instigate this shit. . Take what you can, give nothing back.
Incognito
WR Officer
+11
Master of Disaster
“Despise manipulative women”?

Go on…
Show 26 more replies
happyhunter
Valued Contributor
+5
spittin' sunshine
Trust your female intuition. The very second things feel even the slightest uncomfortable or awkward (as in asking if you're married...for me, anyway) I would pass the account off to someone else and walk away or lie and say I'm married. That being said, I've definitely smiled a little longer or laughed at a dumb joke and flirted my way into situations, but not in an unprofessional way.

You can also draw a firm line and say thanks but no thanks to his gestures and questions, but sleazy guys like this one have obvoiusly never gotten the picture which is why he's still shooting his shot in this manner. He's like the weird guy who approaches chicks solo on beaches and think they have a chance!  

***And guys...This is what being a female is day in and day out (in and out of the office). Women have to lie and say we are married to avoid creepers when we are simply trying to do the exact same job as you.
Hudsonsmom
Opinionated
+2
Area Sales Manager
THIS THIS THIS!!!!!!! Also, if you are comfortable- call those assholes out to their face! I know it can be intimidating, but trust me it is so gratifying and they won’t ever test you again. And you most likely will still get the deal from their embarrassment. It took me a few years to be confident enough to call this behavior out but when I started to I got more confident and better at my job and was actually more respected for not taking any shit whatsoever. I also knew if I didn’t do it, they’d just keep on doing the same thing to young girls and I wanted to help protect those girls anyway that I could.
Lu
Lucy710
Politicker
+3
Account Manager, Corporate & Strategic Accounts
100% abort. I don’t mind some harmless flirting with friendly coworkers- but hard no from a big boss.
ju
justatopproducer
Opinionated
+3
National Consultant
Yikes, curious if there is a report button on linkedin for things like that. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and live with what you see… this is your call alone. If it were me, I’d say “not married and I don’t date clients for obvious reasons” if you’d like to discuss something of value and keep it professional lets move forward, if not ill put you on blast on linkedin and still get the business creep.
happyhunter
Valued Contributor
+5
spittin' sunshine
**Over here hoping for a LinkedIn blast.... haha
SADNES5
Politicker
+6
Hittin' Dingers
I like the way @CuriousFox types... just sayin'
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
"Now I'm talking to a new Director of DevOps who I think would be a great prospect but he's asking if I'm married...starting to feel a little nauseous but also could use the opportunity."

Fucking ew.
goose
Politicker
+11
Sales Executive
"Could use the opportunity" makes me fucking cringe
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
2nd base
ha
hade
Account Manager
I pass them to contract servicing ASAP and pretend to be busy after that. 
Cornholio
Opinionated
+3
Account Executive
I’m this scenario, you should just lie to him about your situation. It’ll let him keep from feeling rejected and you can deflect the conversation back to business. If he keeps it up he might only have one thing in mind and it would be worth pushing the deal more aggressively to see if he’s legit.
happyhunter
Valued Contributor
+5
spittin' sunshine
Women should not have to lie about their relationship status in any situation, especially in a professional setting. This guy is obviously overstepping boundaries and the fact you even think that's an option because " It’ll let him keep from feeling rejected" is slightly concerning. I'd want the loser to know I'm single and I'm rejecting him because this is business, not a bar!

That being said, I 100% have lied about my relationship status to avoid uncomfortable situations, but you know what would be better? If guys didn't put us in those scenarios in the first place and we didn't have to make up a relationship to keep the creepers at bay. Saying this as a WR friend and not to be biatch, either btw 😘😘
Cornholio
Opinionated
+3
Account Executive
Couldn’t agree more. If at a bar crush his soul. I was more coming at this from a perspective of not creating a situation where she could lose a deal. As bullshit as that is. If he’s acting this way in general he’s probably got a little… ego in the first place so sometimes it’s best to just take the path of least resistance.
Show 1 more replies
Cl
Closeitalready
Good Citizen
+3
Head of Sales
Hard no on flirting. If the person is flirting with you they don‘t take you seriously as a business partner. I had some flirty guys as well but I always abruptly stopped the convo and said that I don‘t work with ppl with that attitude. And I really don’t care how big the deal could be.
dwightyouignorantsale
Opinionated
+4
Manager, Sales
This has happened to me a couple times and it is wildly uncomfortable. First and foremost, I am sorry you have to deal with people like this. Secondly, it’s really up to your own comfort level. If it’s just “harmless” questions being asked over LinkedIn or something, then run with it if you feel comfortable and block him as soon as that deal is done. If you’re meeting in person (or honestly even via video), it’s not worth it, in my opinion. I had prospects that I let get a little too comfortable with being flirty and A) I ended up losing the deal so it wasn’t worth it whatsoever and B) I had to deal with the after effects of them texting me on weekends asking “how was your Saturday night?”. Not worth it.
SalesGal
Politicker
+6
Account Manager / FSR
I think it depends on the field you are in. I am a women sales rep in an industry filled with men. My industry is relatively small and everyone knows each other. No deal would be worth gaining a reputation. Because my industry is male dominated, it was harder for me to become respected as an expert in my field as it was for my male colleagues. I'm not about to jeopardize that.
dopeness
Good Citizen
Regional Field Rep
I think it all depends on what you're comfortable with, and everyone's level is different. Long term, you'll be better at your job if you act true to who you are instead of trying to fit a mold. You'll come across as more confident and at ease in situations. Personally, I get asked if I'm married all the time (the only weird time is when prospects started a betting game on my martial status) and I think asking that question is pretty innocent, but the second it crosses the line, I always say something. It hasn't cost me any deals and I think if anything, you often get more respect.
BamPeesly
Good Citizen
Sales Director
Yeaaa hard no on this creepy shit. As a 25 y/old female whose 50 y/o boss regularly showed unsolicited 🍆 pics on ride days & had prospects insist I come to their house for drinks for our meetings, shit ain’t worth it. Boys, do better. For the classy Men who respect women, out there, thank you for knowing how to be a real man 🙏🏽
Mikey
Opinionated
+2
Senior Regional Director
Can I just say this, as a man, that men can be disgusting pigs?! This sort of behavior more than infuriates me, and frankly, it’s disturbing. Sorry you had to go through this @bendandsnack and all the other women on here.
Je
Jewcan_Sam81
Opinionated
+4
Account Executive
Honestly it's not worth it. Unfortunately some people are just disgusting, and unless a man is present they'll be disgusting. Really so messed up that that's happening to you. My (unfortunately myogenetically inclined) advice is to bring a male exec into the sales process as a way of restoring professionalism. Really hate that the world is still effed up like this, but to keep the sale and your safety intact that's probably the best option.


So awful, so sorry to hear that's happening, disgusting. 
Ch
Chingning
Old School Bravo
Account Executive
Sometime you gotta flirt to convert. 
sales7
Politicker
+5
Sales Enablement Manager
report and move on, life's too short to deal with pigs
Mo
MontyMoose
Good Citizen
RD of Sales
I wouldn’t tolerate any on either side these days. Too dangerous. It was probably never ok, but it definitely isn’t now.
goose
Politicker
+11
Sales Executive
The fact that you are considering it at all says a lot
bendandsnack
Arsonist
+7
Inside Sales Rep
and? pray tell
goose
Politicker
+11
Sales Executive
and nothing.  flirting to get something in business is as old as business itself.  i've seen it done many times.
cw95
Politicker
+6
Pricing Executive
Sorry you went through this. Remember that YOU will get the one up on that person and laugh your life along. 
TheMatador19
Contributor
+1
Head of Sales
Use it until it they start asking personal questions. 
ch
chadilac
Praised Answer
+1
Sales Director
I wish somebody would flirt with me, but during an interview is not the right time. In most states asking about your marital status is actually illegal. You might want to move on to the next opportunity as this is a red flag for what you might expect if you get the job.
poweredbycaffeine
WR Officer
+9
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
She's not in an interview, she's prospecting.
ch
chadilac
Praised Answer
+1
Sales Director
Sorry, I have interviewing on my mind. Pretty girls get more opportunities to connect, but you don’t have to stay engaged if it doesn’t feel right. Move on to the next, there will be plenty of at bats.
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