How far will you let flirting go

Question for everyone - how far will you let flirting to go to get you an opportunity?


Female ISR & I've been upping my LinkedIn lately. Which is great for prospecting, but makes me feel slimy sometimes because I can tell some men are talking to me because they think I'm attractive.


Normally I'm one to ignore flirting but it's obvious when they bring up "moving to the US for romance that didn't work out" etc.


Now I'm talking to a new Director of DevOps who I think would be a great prospect but he's asking if I'm married...starting to feel a little nauseous but also could use the opportunity.


As an ISR I'll prospect & take the first meeting or so but then hand it off so I don't have to work with these people long-term.


How far will you/have you let someone go with flirting in order to get an opp/close a deal?


-------------------------------------


Update: I let it slide until he asked for my instagram. Then I blocked him.


Right after he said his daughter was coming home from college this weekend. Ick.

🏰 War Stories
🔎 Prospecting
👥 Social Selling
50
Incognito
WR Officer
73
Master of Disaster
First, I’m sorry that you have to deal with this and you feel uncomfortable. 

My personal rule is that they can touch my breasts once for every $500k they spend. Once equates to roughly five seconds of groping. They can absolutely extend the experience - for another $500k. I have actually said this to prospects and clients before, in a very serious tone, when I feel like they need a check. Gets it out in the open, so they can laugh it off or I make a $500k deal. 

Slimy dudes who prospect for hookups through work tend to calm the fuck down when you get very direct and beat them at their game. 

Also, my breasts were very expensive so I know it’s what they’re thinking about. 
nomdeguerre
Executive
11
Account executive
Well clearly, judging by the number of responses, a woman's breast can certainly get the dialog going here... unsurprising :-)

Btw... if anyone is interested I'll let you grope my man-boobs for a lot less than $500K ;-)
Incognito
WR Officer
3
Master of Disaster
Always push for the big ask
nomdeguerre
Executive
0
Account executive
Step down sales... I can dig it :-)
Coffeesforclosers
Notable Contributor
5
Director Sales and Market Development
Well there you have it folks, everyone has their price. 

Grimy dudes though, grow up, thats what tinder is for not linkedin or cold callers, gross. 
Diablo
Politicker
2
Sr. AE
@Incognito this was class apart
queenops
Opinionated
2
Maker of Sales
love this so much
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
10
sales
you can love it for $500k.
queenops
Opinionated
2
Maker of Sales
I'll love it twice for $1m
Incognito
WR Officer
3
Master of Disaster
For *exactly* 5 seconds. Or once @ 10 seconds. Buyers choice. 
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
1
sales
good, better, best
UserNotFound
Politicker
1
Account Executive
@Incognito  pulling out a true win-win here! 
TheHypnotist
Executive
1
Sales Manager
What (else) do I get for $500k? (i.e. what do you sell? - humour intended)
Incognito
WR Officer
9
Master of Disaster
Shit to cover your ass for the impending sexual harassment lawsuits. It will be a sliding scale. 
Seres96
0
Olympia
I agree

Tom4220
Executive
0
Senior Cloud Sales
This tickled me far too much for a Monday morning phahahah
ValliantInvestors
Good Citizen
0
Founder
Yesssss!  Check the slimy dude with crass man humor...

GDO
Politicker
0
BDM
Haha, I would problably end the call there and then because I would be weirded out. Well if it works to get the bastards to stop, why not. 
bellaccione
Valued Contributor
-7
Growth Consultant
this is super, super, super weird and a side of sales I haven't seen since I lived in NYC in the early 2000s.



In no circumstances that *I've* ever been a part of would a male decisionmaker, evaluating product/service to actually deliver value to his company and directly affect his P&L, be seduced by this type of behaviour (you can touch my breasts if you spend 500k). 

I *must* be missing something here

nomdeguerre
Executive
3
Account executive
I believe you are
bellaccione
Valued Contributor
0
Growth Consultant
bet 
bellaccione
Valued Contributor
0
Growth Consultant
just not a plausible scenario (as in: never seen it, but yeah, I could see that happening) to me, and I've been in sales and/or sales management since 2000, from Fortune500 to startups.

Just. not. plausible.
nomdeguerre
Executive
2
Account executive
My goodness, I think what you are missing is that it was a joke!

I don't want to speak for anyone, but I seriously doubt that @Incognito was suggesting this as some sort of prospecting strategy.

I think what she suggested was that it was something she would say to the (male) prospect to let them know that their behavior is highly inappropriate.

You might want to take things a little less literally... just a friendly suggestion ;-)
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
32
sales
Sorry you have to deal with this. I'm a guy and I'm married. So hitting on other married men never gets me very far.

Dudes are shitbags, especially in leadership. I think if they're hitting on you from day 1, you're unlikely to get a deal anyways.

Find someone else to talk to who can have a serious conversation and if ever possible, loop in the old scumbag so they get embarrassed and clean up their act.
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
4
VP of Sales
Can confirm. Am a shitbag. . Not quite to this extent, I’d never hit on anyone through LI, FB, IG, etc, but yes, dudes in leadership got there for a reason.
Incognito
WR Officer
1
Master of Disaster
What reason? 
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
2
VP of Sales
Hyper-competitiveness and ruthlessness are a good place to start. But there are others.
Incognito
WR Officer
1
Master of Disaster
What does that have to do with them making sexual advances on women?
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
-4
VP of Sales
Literally fucking nothing… can you point out where I mentioned that it did?
CaneWolf
Politicker
0
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
I think the key about the deal not being real if they hit on you from day 1 is really true. Get away from those assholes and get on to the next.
Incognito
WR Officer
1
Master of Disaster
Bullshit. If you’re good, you can pivot from anything. 

Let them look, and then meet the pitbull who actually knows what they’re talking about who instantly earns their respect because it’s the last thing they thought would happen. 
CuriousFox
WR Officer
15
🦊
Take the immediate red flag as a sign and reach out to a different contact.
TheDonnyDifference
Good Citizen
1
Sales Manager
Agreed. Go with your gut and look elsewhere. 
RealPatrickBateman
Politicker
3
🔪Amateur Butcher🔪
As a Male I'm gonna put my two cents out there. We're terrible and simple creatures, first and foremost. Also, the older men get, the less "self aware" we are or just generally don't give af anymore (which is just a sad fact of life lol).


If you feel the flirting has crossed the line, please say so, draw that line in the sand and STAND FIRM. 


BUT, if you are comfortable with using it (not in a sketchy or self-compromising way) then use it to your advantage to make connections, book deals and SECURE THE BAG BY ALL MEANS, to the victor goes the spoils. 
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
19
sales
i feel like the older i get the more self aware ive become. i have a lot to lose. no way im fucking it up on a 7% commission check. 

- we fly separate
- we drive our own cars
- don't text me
- i bring a 3rd to every outing with a chick
- i better not see a fucking emoji come across my screen.
- dont call me after hours
- dont ask questions bout my life.
- if im having a rough day, you dont need to know about it.

i curse like a sailor and joke around a lot but i function like a mormon.

YoursTruly
Politicker
-3
Account Executive (SaaS)
You are so insecure that you refuse to be alone with a woman in a work setting? Lmao that is pretty damn pathetic. 

hh456
Celebrated Contributor
4
sales
its 2021, nothing with insecurity, its safety. unchallenged perception is reality and id rather have a third instead of people wondering why me and a coworker are at a meeting together after hours.

sorry you feel differently.
YoursTruly
Politicker
-4
Account Executive (SaaS)
Don’t be sorry for anything but yourself. Again, it’s pathetic to not be able to be alone with a woman in a professional setting. 

Either you don’t know how to keep your hands to yourself, don’t know how to keep the conversation professional, or you think women are going to lie about something that didn’t happen for some made up reason. 

GTF over yourself
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
4
sales
yikes. sorry you're having a bad day. proud to be your sounding board though. see ya out there!
Incognito
WR Officer
7
Master of Disaster
Who in the cinnamon toast fuck peed in your cereal this morning @YoursTruly 
Golden
Good Citizen
1
Enterprise Account Executive
@YoursTruly I understand where you are coming from and I think folks might be missing the point on why Grizzle's response isn't palatable. 

In essence, his wanting to be as "professional" as possible (as rigidly as not even being alone with a woman) is rooted in him not wanting to risk his own reputation, career, etc. rather than wanting to create a workplace where women don't have to face sexual innuendos from coworkers and clients. It's about self preservation, not being a good person/coworker/ally. 

If we accept this is about self-preservation (which is evident based on their message), it can logically only be for one of the following reasons:

a) they don't want to risk interacting with women because they assume they will falsely accuse or something of the like (this is rare, highly unlikely, and pretty offensive), or...

b) they don't want to risk interacting because they can't trust their own words, actions, etc 

Both scenarios are total eye rolls. 

Not to mention, I hope the lengths Grizzle goes to distance from women is an exaggeration to make the point, because if it's not its troublesome. Easy to pass off in a thread like this but truth is these are actual people's coworkers floating around amongst as.
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
0
VP of Sales
100% agree. How far should you let it go? How far can you let it go without having to make any kind of real physical/emotional commitment? . As long as it “costs you nothing” use what you have, especially when the other party instigates. I despise manipulative women, but at the same time, I look at other men and I think they 3000% deserve it when they instigate this shit. . Take what you can, give nothing back.
Incognito
WR Officer
3
Master of Disaster
“Despise manipulative women”?

Go on…
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
1
VP of Sales
No, that’s the whole statement. I sell with brutal blunt force. I’m about as direct and straight up as humanly possible, and I’m the same way in my personal life. . Everyone once in a while an objectively attractive woman will come at me with obvious ulterior motives- again, personally and professionally. I see that shit coming from a mile away, stamp that shit out and move on with my life.
Kirby
Politicker
2
Sales Representative
Giving TheNegotiator the benefit of the doubt, by “I despise manipulative women,” he probably means he’s been emotionally manipulated and led on and used for money or something like that. So he’s contrasting it here: feel free to “manipulate” someone who’s inappropriately flirting in a business context, even though in other contexts he hates that. Giving him no benefit of the doubt, it sounds like a douchey and misogynistic thing to say lol. I hate all manipulative behavior, but creating a category called “manipulative women” is what makes it douchey.
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
2
VP of Sales
@Kirby this man understands me. I have not yet been manipulated for money, but it’s been tried many times. And that’s the behaviour I find despicable. . And fair enough, as a heterosexual male, another male could not realistically manipulate me. Perhaps I should’ve been more careful with the wording - especially in this day and age.
Incognito
WR Officer
4
Master of Disaster
Manipulated for money. You mean you were sold something? 

Why make it about women and sex? 

Unless women being sexual in a way you can’t control is *actually* what you can’t stand. 
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
1
VP of Sales
No I don’t mean sold something. That’s an exchange of value. . I mean, manipulated as in, receive something for nothing. Or at least, try. I mean physically dragging a drunk friend away from a girl at a bar who was literally trying to get him to buy her a drink, just because she thought she could get away with it. She knew what she was doing, and she tried anyway. That, I can’t stand. . And I didn’t make it about sex. I am one of the sexes, and realistically, only the other sex could manipulate me. I can’t speak to the reverse. . Presuming that you’re a heterosexual female, if a man has ever tried to manipulate you for money, feel free to tell us about your experience. You won’t see me getting triggered about it.
Incognito
WR Officer
4
Master of Disaster
An exchange is an exchange, whether you see value in it or not. 

That woman you “despise” was giving your “drunk friend” the value of her time in exchange for a drink. He could either buy or not - his choice. 

My time has value. Does yours? 
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
0
VP of Sales
I’d like to think my time has value, which is why I’m not going to waste it arguing with you. . The woman at the bar, who I certainly despise had no intention of exchanging time. I had noticed her pulling the same shit on plenty of other guys, and it wasn’t my place to intervene. If the guys were too dumb to see through the scheme, that’s their problem and all power to her. I took offence however, and intervened when she decided to make the same play on my drunk friend, and I undeniably despise the behaviour. . You weren’t there that day, or you would have observed what I did. . If you’re going to blindly condone it, or believe that she was within her rights to try, then we’re not going to see eye-to-eye on this anyway. . My point, which you seem to be missing, is male or female, if someone is willing to sell their self-respect for the price of a drink, then one is within their rights to despise it.
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
0
sales
don't let it go, maybe you didn't read my post.
Incognito
WR Officer
1
Master of Disaster
“if someone is willing to sell their self-respect for the price of a drink, then one is within their rights to despise it”

There you go again, making value judgments. 

why would giving time be losing self respect? 
happyhunter
Politicker
0
spittin' sunshine
@Incognito I'm going to catch a happy hour later to manipulate men. Want to come? No need to bring a wallet, our manipulation tactics will do the trick 😋
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
0
VP of Sales
Jesus.. read what I said again. . Giving time, would be fine if time was being given. It wasn’t. Manipulation, and something for nothing, is manipulation. . If you can make a case for why it isn’t, you’ll have me convinced.
Incognito
WR Officer
2
Master of Disaster
@happyhunter I wonder if I can manipulate them out of $500k? 🤔
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
0
sales
why are you yelling at me. 
happyhunter
Politicker
0
spittin' sunshine
@Incognito With your tits and my perky bum, we'll walk out of their blacked out and ready for retirement!🤑🤑🤑
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
1
VP of Sales
You know, you can go out of your way to sound dumb, but that doesn’t make me wrong. . If you go to happy hour, and exchange your time for drinks and money - assuming there are men stupid enough to pay you for it - have at it. Enjoy it, and milk every cent out of it. The value you place on your time and self-respect is up to you. Just don’t be surprised when others share that valuation. . If @Incognito sells time with her breasts for 500k, and there’s a man dumb enough to pay for it, enjoy the money, and get it in cash. You won’t even have to pay tax . Otherwise, manipulation is manipulation and it’s despicable, regardless of gender.
Incognito
WR Officer
2
Master of Disaster
🤘
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
1
VP of Sales
I’d respond but I’m choking on double-standards
happyhunter
Politicker
0
spittin' sunshine
Getting drinks paid for because I am a hot chick doesn't mean I don't respect myself or my time. It's the complete opposite actually. It also is not manipulation at all if I am out having drinks with friends and guys send me over a cocktail or offer to pay when I am ordering at the bar...that's literally just what happends to attractive people, guys and girls. Don't hate us cause you ain't us!!!! Have a great weekend 😘
TheNegotiator
Arsonist
0
VP of Sales
Fair point, but that was the first valid point either of you have made
happyhunter
Politicker
1
spittin' sunshine
Haha! Come out with me sometime and you will see what I'm talking about! No manipulation needed, just my feminine energy 😉
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
0
sales
lemme check w the wife on that too
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
0
sales
some people are into that sort of thing
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
0
sales
nobody buys me any fucking drinks 
Incognito
WR Officer
1
Master of Disaster
Me neither @GrizzleMcThornBody . Too busy being a bad bitch scaring off little dick energy. 
Kirby
Politicker
0
Sales Representative
Y'all I made one comment on this thread and now I get notifications everytime you keep commenting. But it's kind of hilarious, so keep going.
Incognito
WR Officer
1
Master of Disaster
@BravadoMod - you cool with someone being called a "dumb bitch"? 
happyhunter
Politicker
3
spittin' sunshine
Trust your female intuition. The very second things feel even the slightest uncomfortable or awkward (as in asking if you're married...for me, anyway) I would pass the account off to someone else and walk away or lie and say I'm married. That being said, I've definitely smiled a little longer or laughed at a dumb joke and flirted my way into situations, but not in an unprofessional way.

You can also draw a firm line and say thanks but no thanks to his gestures and questions, but sleazy guys like this one have obvoiusly never gotten the picture which is why he's still shooting his shot in this manner. He's like the weird guy who approaches chicks solo on beaches and think they have a chance!  

***And guys...This is what being a female is day in and day out (in and out of the office). Women have to lie and say we are married to avoid creepers when we are simply trying to do the exact same job as you.
Hudsonsmom
Opinionated
1
Area Sales Manager
THIS THIS THIS!!!!!!! Also, if you are comfortable- call those assholes out to their face! I know it can be intimidating, but trust me it is so gratifying and they won’t ever test you again. And you most likely will still get the deal from their embarrassment. It took me a few years to be confident enough to call this behavior out but when I started to I got more confident and better at my job and was actually more respected for not taking any shit whatsoever. I also knew if I didn’t do it, they’d just keep on doing the same thing to young girls and I wanted to help protect those girls anyway that I could.
Lucy710
Politicker
2
Channel Account Manager
100% abort. I don’t mind some harmless flirting with friendly coworkers- but hard no from a big boss.
justatopproducer
Politicker
1
VP OF SALES -US
Yikes, curious if there is a report button on linkedin for things like that. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and live with what you see… this is your call alone. If it were me, I’d say “not married and I don’t date clients for obvious reasons” if you’d like to discuss something of value and keep it professional lets move forward, if not ill put you on blast on linkedin and still get the business creep.
happyhunter
Politicker
1
spittin' sunshine
**Over here hoping for a LinkedIn blast.... haha
SADNES5
Politicker
1
down voters are marketing spies
I like the way @CuriousFox types... just sayin'
CaneWolf
Politicker
1
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
"Now I'm talking to a new Director of DevOps who I think would be a great prospect but he's asking if I'm married...starting to feel a little nauseous but also could use the opportunity."

Fucking ew.
goose
Politicker
0
Sales Executive
"Could use the opportunity" makes me fucking cringe
E_Money
Big Shot
1
💰
2nd base
hade
1
Account Manager
I pass them to contract servicing ASAP and pretend to be busy after that. 
JDialz
Politicker
1
Chief Operating Officer
I mean @funcoupons told me I could drink in her shower when I'm in Canada next week.

Is that what we said Coups? lmao
funcoupons
WR Officer
2
👑
That’s right. I’ll consider it my act of charity for the month. 
JDialz
Politicker
1
Chief Operating Officer
Listen...
funcoupons
WR Officer
0
👑
🙉
Cornholio
Opinionated
0
Account Executive
I’m this scenario, you should just lie to him about your situation. It’ll let him keep from feeling rejected and you can deflect the conversation back to business. If he keeps it up he might only have one thing in mind and it would be worth pushing the deal more aggressively to see if he’s legit.
happyhunter
Politicker
7
spittin' sunshine
Women should not have to lie about their relationship status in any situation, especially in a professional setting. This guy is obviously overstepping boundaries and the fact you even think that's an option because " It’ll let him keep from feeling rejected" is slightly concerning. I'd want the loser to know I'm single and I'm rejecting him because this is business, not a bar!

That being said, I 100% have lied about my relationship status to avoid uncomfortable situations, but you know what would be better? If guys didn't put us in those scenarios in the first place and we didn't have to make up a relationship to keep the creepers at bay. Saying this as a WR friend and not to be biatch, either btw 😘😘
Cornholio
Opinionated
1
Account Executive
Couldn’t agree more. If at a bar crush his soul. I was more coming at this from a perspective of not creating a situation where she could lose a deal. As bullshit as that is. If he’s acting this way in general he’s probably got a little… ego in the first place so sometimes it’s best to just take the path of least resistance.
happyhunter
Politicker
0
spittin' sunshine
Haha aww his poor soul. Yeah no I totally get it. I've gotten myseslf into sketchier situations (VP of manufacturing company inviting me on weekend getaways and shit) when I was just trying to do my job and open an account so now I'm much more cautious of the BS. 
Closeitalready
Valued Contributor
0
Head of Sales
Hard no on flirting. If the person is flirting with you they don‘t take you seriously as a business partner. I had some flirty guys as well but I always abruptly stopped the convo and said that I don‘t work with ppl with that attitude. And I really don’t care how big the deal could be.
dwightyouignorantsale
Politicker
0
Account Executive
This has happened to me a couple times and it is wildly uncomfortable. First and foremost, I am sorry you have to deal with people like this. Secondly, it’s really up to your own comfort level. If it’s just “harmless” questions being asked over LinkedIn or something, then run with it if you feel comfortable and block him as soon as that deal is done. If you’re meeting in person (or honestly even via video), it’s not worth it, in my opinion. I had prospects that I let get a little too comfortable with being flirty and A) I ended up losing the deal so it wasn’t worth it whatsoever and B) I had to deal with the after effects of them texting me on weekends asking “how was your Saturday night?”. Not worth it.
SalesGal
Politicker
0
Account Executive
I think it depends on the field you are in. I am a women sales rep in an industry filled with men. My industry is relatively small and everyone knows each other. No deal would be worth gaining a reputation. Because my industry is male dominated, it was harder for me to become respected as an expert in my field as it was for my male colleagues. I'm not about to jeopardize that.
dopeness
Executive
0
Regional Field Rep
I think it all depends on what you're comfortable with, and everyone's level is different. Long term, you'll be better at your job if you act true to who you are instead of trying to fit a mold. You'll come across as more confident and at ease in situations. Personally, I get asked if I'm married all the time (the only weird time is when prospects started a betting game on my martial status) and I think asking that question is pretty innocent, but the second it crosses the line, I always say something. It hasn't cost me any deals and I think if anything, you often get more respect.
BamPeesly
Good Citizen
0
Sales Director
Yeaaa hard no on this creepy shit. As a 25 y/old female whose 50 y/o boss regularly showed unsolicited 🍆 pics on ride days & had prospects insist I come to their house for drinks for our meetings, shit ain’t worth it. Boys, do better. For the classy Men who respect women, out there, thank you for knowing how to be a real man 🙏🏽
Mikey
Politicker
0
Senior Regional Director
Can I just say this, as a man, that men can be disgusting pigs?! This sort of behavior more than infuriates me, and frankly, it’s disturbing. Sorry you had to go through this @bendandsnack and all the other women on here.
Jewcan_Sam81
Politicker
0
Account Executive
Honestly it's not worth it. Unfortunately some people are just disgusting, and unless a man is present they'll be disgusting. Really so messed up that that's happening to you. My (unfortunately myogenetically inclined) advice is to bring a male exec into the sales process as a way of restoring professionalism. Really hate that the world is still effed up like this, but to keep the sale and your safety intact that's probably the best option.


So awful, so sorry to hear that's happening, disgusting. 
Chingning
Executive
0
Enterprise Account Executive
Sometime you gotta flirt to convert. 
sales7
Politicker
0
Commercial Product Enablement
report and move on, life's too short to deal with pigs
MontyMoose
Good Citizen
0
Chief Commercial Officer
I wouldn’t tolerate any on either side these days. Too dangerous. It was probably never ok, but it definitely isn’t now.
goose
Politicker
0
Sales Executive
The fact that you are considering it at all says a lot
bendandsnack
Politicker
0
Account Exec
and? pray tell
goose
Politicker
0
Sales Executive
and nothing.  flirting to get something in business is as old as business itself.  i've seen it done many times.
cw95
Politicker
0
Sales Development Lead
Sorry you went through this. Remember that YOU will get the one up on that person and laugh your life along. 
TheMatador19
Member
0
Head of Sales
Use it until it they start asking personal questions. 
6

Has Anyone Really Been Far Even as Decided to Use Even Go Want to do Look More Like?

Question
18
24
Members only

Got let go

Discussion
28
9

Let It Go

Discussion
10