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I was sexually propositioned by a manager over the weekend - please help.

Hey savages, I need some advice. Strap in.


I went to a party over the weekend hosted by someone in my company - I'll call him Steve. I've only been here a couple months, so I wasn't too familiar with who this person was - I just went because my team would be there.


To spare the intricacies, I was with about 4 of my colleagues and things were beginning to wind down. As I was charging my phone to call a Lyft, I was motioned by Steve's fiancée to follow her. I thought nothing of it; she seems like a very sweet girl. Figured she had a question for me or something.


Well, Steve joined her, and we're in their room for a private conversation. At this point, Steve begins asking about my relationship status, getting too personal for comfort. He then asks if I would like to have some fun with them - I was a bit shocked, but gathered myself enough to politely decline. After I've said no, he then asks if he "could at least kiss me." I stood up, said that would cross a strong boundary, left the room, gathered my purse and phone, and walked outside to order and wait for a Lyft.


On my way out, he told me to keep this between us. When I got home and pulled up my laptop, I realized that Steve is the manager of the sales team I'd be moving to in the case I choose to stay in sales at this company. I've seen him around a few times now, and I'm very uncomfortable around him.


So, what would you do? Being new here with no physical proof of this, it feels like I'd be shooting myself in the foot by telling anyone. On the other hand, this will impact my career choices within this company, as I have no desire to work under him.

🏙 Corporate Experiences
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47
poweredbycaffeine
Politicker
+7
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
Tell. HR. Immediately. Steve needs to get exposed--there's no room in this world for behavior like that. It's clearly predatory, and it's most likely not the first time he's done something like that, and certainly won't be the last. Fuck Steve.
GDO
Politicker
+7
BDM
Exactly what I was thinking. It really seems like it´s not the first time.
Slangerofthangs
Valued Contributor
+3
Relationship Manager | Co-founder & Prez
I thought the same thing.  Exposure is key...
Show 1 more replies
MrsTechSales
Politicker
+9
Midwest Market Manager
Absolutely hopping on this Fuck Steve train. So disgusting. 
SoftwareSlanginSavage
Good Citizen
+1
Senior Account Manager
I agree here. Very douche bag move. Tons of Steves out there. They can all eat shit.
neversettle
Politicker
+4
SDR
Exactly.......FUCK Steve!
Justatitle
Politicker
+7
Senior AE
If your company has a hr department you should go straight to them. You can tell them you want to stay anonymous and realize this wasn’t at a work function but it will create tension in your day to day role
SA
SADNES5
Politicker
+6
Business Development
Social Host Liability... It might not have been a sanctioned work function, but if it was "the team get-together at Steve the managers house..." Well welcome to a nice lump of shuuuush money from the company. 
Justatitle
Politicker
+7
Senior AE
At the very least job security… 
sneakysnek
Politicker
+8
SDR
Update 2: HR has been informed, meeting set for this afternoon. Turns out, he's being HEAVILY considered to be my manager in my current division. 

This is a fuckin' mess.
SA
SADNES5
Politicker
+6
Business Development
Let's say you keep quiet, and get passed over for promotions... Or put on the pip exit plan. You have no recourse. You best let HR know, annnnnd ask for an outside 3rd party to witness... Maybe Steve has roots deep in the co. You need to make sure HR isn't going to protect to company on this one, and just get rid of you for "not being a team player"

I am very exp. in this world. 

Know and understand this.

HR isn't there to protect you. It's there to protect the company. Get EVERY single promise from HR in writing/email before you do/say anything. 

Also... Get an employment lawyer to view ANYTHING they want you to sign (that outside 3rd party)

Fuck scumbag Steve. 
fuzzy
Notable Contributor
+21
CMO (Chief Meme Officer)
This.

HR has no problem turning an eye if the CEO is a dick. Lawyer. The. Fuck. Up. I'd break chain of command over this. If I were a CEO, I'd want to meet right away with you. If the company is small enough to allow that. 
sneakysnek
Politicker
+8
SDR
Okay, dropping in with an update. I really appreciate all the reassurance + advice. 

My biggest fear when posting was becoming the "problem employee," but I think it's clear who that is in the situation. I spoke with one of my very close colleagues and she advised that I go to the director of my team first, as he is actively hiring for manager positions within my division. I was unaware of this.

I think that the only thing worse than having to work at the same company as this guy would be having him directly lead me in the division I'm already in. I'll give y'all a shout once I figure out what will come of this. For now, thank you savage beasts. I'm taking your advice.
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
Kahluapons
This is a shitty situation to deal with. I really urge you to speak to HR first though...if you tell your team director about this he'll be compelled to tell HR and you might as well approach them first. You also don't know if your team director is friendly with this loser and will try and defend him or give him a heads up that you're reporting him.

My advice is to go to HR as soon as possible and report this behaviour. It's a good idea to mention to them that you're aware your director is hiring for managers and this person might be applying and you obviously do not want to work with or under him, and see what direction they give you.
sneakysnek
Politicker
+8
SDR
Oh man, I hadn't thought of that. I'm actually dealing with HR on a separate level right now, so I suppose I could bring it to them directly. It just so happens I have a meeting with the HR director tomorrow, so I could bring it up then.
Show 1 more replies
Incognito
WR Officer
+10
Master of Disaster
echoing what others have said here - absolutely go to HR. The company is liable af. Create a paper trail stating that you feel unsafe by sending an email ASAP. That way, should anything happen, you have evidence to support your claims. If they take appropriate action, then your issue is solved. If they give you some bullshit answer, you have it in writing. If the latter happens, here's whats gonna play out (I was advised about this regarding returning to the office during COVID from a lawyer):

Keep pushing your narrative in writing that you feel unsafe. 

if they fire you, file a lawsuit.

The company is gonna offer you some bullshit number, like maybe 5-10K. Reject this.

The company is going to make a second offer of like 40K, reject his as well. Now the judge will be forced to set a court date. 

THEN the company is going to offer you like 250K because the last thing they want is to go to trial and risk a nuclear judgement. Take this offer. 

DISCLAIMER: this process will take like 3 years, but fuck them! YOU did nothing wrong. YOU deserve to be seen, heard, respected and COMPENSATED FOR BULLSHIT. 

<3
Incognito
WR Officer
+10
Master of Disaster
wanted to add - start recording interactions with this person. I have an app on my phone which works very well for this purpose. If you want evidence, hold your phone in your hand with the recording function on (he wont see) and ask him about what happened and why he felt you would be open to it or something like that. BOOM GAME OVER MOFO.
TheSolicitorGeneral
Politicker
+6
Small Market AE
What a fucking mess. You need to let HR know ASAP, he should know better and should seek professional help for his degenerate behavior. 
ExtremeVibeChecker44
Praised Answer
+2
Inside Sales
Yeah "Steve" fucking sucks. He put you in an uncomfortable situation.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+11
Needer of Life Alert
Seeing RED 🤬

This is COMPLETELY unacceptable. Do not question yourself. Go to HR. Now.
SaaSbod
Contributor
+3
Sr Sales Account Exec
Sometimes in companies, HR is just as complicit as the 'Steves' of the world. I've walked in thinking morals and justice were on my side and left with a shit sandwich with extra sauce. He felt very comfortable approaching you without a lot of reassurance it wouldn't blow up in his face, so this may be his comfort zone. I would speak with an attorney, keep them in the loop during this whole process. Document and record everything as well. At the end of the day you may find yourself walking out and 'Steve' getting a promotion. The attorney can assure otherwise, and harassment from a supervisor is a slam dunk suit. Get a nice severance and a new job, if not, get a nice lawsuit.
Hudsonsmom
Opinionated
+2
Area Sales Manager
THIS ALL DAY. Unfortantely have had it happen
GDO
Politicker
+7
BDM
Go to HR for your own sake, but also for other peoples sake that maybe not have enough selfesteem to say no.
MrsTechSales
Politicker
+9
Midwest Market Manager
First and foremost: I'm so sorry you've been put in this position. You have my sympathy and empathy. 

I hope that your meetings with HR went well but, as others have highlighted please remember in any interaction with HR regarding this matter that their job is to protect the company, not you. 

I also hope that you're able to make a big enough to-do about this that no one else ever has to be put in this position at your company again. It's a hard cross to bear, and I am so sorry that you have to bear it. But, shutting shit-heads like "Steve" down will absolutely have ripple effects in the lives of people who you will never meet and won't know who to thank, or potentially even that they need to be thankful. Either way, I hope you find that the effort is worth it and you aren't ever made to feel "less than" because of this situaiton. 
Jbeans
Contributor
+2
Director of Sales
Pretty risky move for Steve to do that at a work party? Obvy done it before. Not sure where you live but my concern for you would be the rules around the fact you werent on work property? And he’s not yet in a position to have a say in your career. I’d prob have gone to my direct boss or a higher up I trust and go to HR together. Ive been harrassed on work property though-and he got fired. It was quick and zero tolerance policy. Good luck and dont let this mess with your head.
SalesRecruiter
Opinionated
+7
Recruiting Director
100% go to HR now. You don't need to talk to anyone else but HR at this point. You did absolutely nothing wrong and this is all on Steve. He will not be shocked--he knows exactly what he is doing especially if he said, "keep this between us". That was a very bold move that leads me to believe he has done this before and will do it again. You need to take a stand. You got this!
Bl
Blue_Turtle
Good Citizen
SDR
Tell HR immediately, but document everything should you need to get a lawyer involved. HR exists more to protect the company than any individual (even Steve), but considering this asshole is a major liability they’ll want to know what he tried to pull. The company is on the hook for Steve’s behavior, and you have a lot more power here than you know. To hell with Steve, this definitely isn’t the first time he’s tried to pull this crap and speaking out can only work in your favor. If they do nothing about it or there’s retaliation against you, then lawyer up.
beachNsales
Politicker
+3
Account Executive
Get.to.HR....right now. 
BlueJays2591
Politicker
+6
Business Development Manager
What the hell is wrong with this guy? I would go to HR immediately. If there are any repercussions for you going to HR, it is a hefty lawsuit. you should never feel uncomfortable in your place of work. Sorry to hear about all of this and I hope you can get it resolved. 
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
jeeeeezzz....uhh fuck Steve
Stratifyz
Opinionated
+9
Business Development Rep
Too many times do things like this go unreported - you should consider bringing this up to make an impact. You never know who might be the next victim.
DataSlangah
Politicker
+4
SAE
Stop typing, and go to HR immediately to document the incident.  
SalesSage
Valued Contributor
+5
National Account Manager
That is a hot mess, I am sorry you found yourself in the middle of it.  The thing to always remember if you are uncomfortable then something is wrong, whether at work when it occurred or not and whether or not there is "proof" of some sort.  I do think you need to speak up.  If not for yourself then for the next person or the person before you who can't or couldn't.  I applaud your response, sounded like you were clear and concise and exited the situation.  He is completely in the wrong.  
MelissaRalph
Good Citizen
+1
Advanced Advertising Sales Manager
Tell HR Immediately. Without any consequences, he will try something again. Talk to HR about a Retaliation policy- make sure he can't torpedo your opportunities within the company. I had a similar situation, and was trying NOT to go to HR, but great leaders and coworkers coached me through it. It's a serious issue, and you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed about the situation. 
adrenalinejunkie
Senior Sales Dev
This is not acceptable at all. You should definitely got to the HR and raise a complain. This person might have abused, took advantage even earlier and if not stopped he will continue to do so. So better to raise now than to regret later.
sales7
Politicker
+5
Sales Enablement Manager
This is outrageous! I would be telling HR 100% and also involving the sales director, this is too much to leave in the fate of 1 party and since it's a new company for you I wouldn't trust HR just yet to do the right thing.

A similar thing happened to me when I was new at a company and HR did nothing about it, pressure from 2 places usually means that they can't just push it aside.

Take care of yourself and get their actions in writing. Make sure you also formally request action being done, if you don't they have the ability to sweep it under the rug.
broski
Fire Starter
+1
Business Development Executive
First of all, I am sorry you had this experience. 

Tell HR immediately. Your personal safety and mental well-being is always more important than your job. 

You're most likely not the first and you won't be the last. "Steve" needs to be put in his place. A few things about meeting with HR:

1. Get everything in writing

2. HR is responsible for supporting the employees but they also have the best interest of the company. Always remember that

3. Try to be as clear and concise in your communication. It may not even hurt to write your thoughts and recounts of the events prior to meeting with them

4. Feel free to ask for a peer advocate in the room with you. Someone you trust in addition to the company HR representative. Not all companies will allow this but it is an additional measure to hold them accountable 

5. Ask to record the meeting. It'll probably be a no - but it doesn't hurt to ask

6. Don't sign anything without having an attorney review 

Lastly, stay strong, keep your head up and know that not all companies and managers are like this. You will get through this and come out stronger for it.
Sh
SheCloser
Good Citizen
Staring down at you from the top of the stack rankings
Definitely let HR know ASAP. 
bareknuckles
Valued Contributor
+4
CEO of my kitchen table
Report to HR. Dont want to work at a company that has Steves on their payroll. You could also be doing this company a massive favour - ridding someone toxic. If the company does nothing - leave immediately as it reflects the culture that they deem that behaviour acceptable.
MrEffWord
Opinionated
+3
Regional Sales Manager
2 letters - HR 1 word - NOW
ju
justatopproducer
Opinionated
+1
National Consultant
Yeah, just go to HR. Fuck people like this, I was in a similar situation and didn’t go to HR and 6 months later I am being fired for “stealing a deal” from somoene else. Which obviously wasnt true. Rather than losing their new director of sales get rid of the guy that knows too much. Funny thing they reached out to me on LinkedIn on my bday recently and asked how I was. I should have sued, but I hated it there and it pushed me to find something better and I went to the virgin islands for 3 weeks so that didnt suck.
FiresideChads
Good Citizen
+1
Account Executive
STUNT ON THEM HOES!
Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
+9
WR Enthusiast
I would go to HR, ask for help, these things happen waaay to often and it's NOT OK. think about how much you liked working for the company and how uncomfortable you feel now next to him, why should you leave if you did nothing wrong? If he is not exposed he will do this to someone else. I know it's not easy and this is a stranger's advice, but a good friend of mine went through this and her words were that after she told HR she felt free at last after months of holding it in. what ever you do stay stong and know that you did nothing wrong!

Ilovethehunt
Opinionated
+3
SDR
Steve sucks.
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