The War Room
Question
Post

If you wanted to get fired from work, how would you?

Hey guys, hypothetically speaking of course, how would one go about getting fired from their job but still get unemployment while causing maximum chaos? Again, hypothetically obviously...

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29
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
Simple. Does your office have an ice machine?

By simply dosing the ice machine with a bottle of liquid LSD, you can provide long lasting chaos and an absolute BANGER of a time.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Office-palooza of '69 incoming 
spoderman
Arsonist
+10
Friendly Neighborhood Spoderman
As long as the ice is made from distilled water, you're golden. 
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
You could always rub liquid lsd on the doorhandles... It can be absorbed through the skin. 
DungeonsNDemos
Politicker
+10
Rolling for Initiative
I think that might end in -elony 😐
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
Melony HAS been wanting to sleep around lately, so I wouldn't be surprised.... She's always been uptight but seems to be wanting to let loose lately since she split with Chad.
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OutboundCowboy
Good Citizen
Sr. SDR
What a waste of good drugs.
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
I love how the top suggestion is "commit a string of felonies"
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
DONT TALK ABOUT IT BE ABOUT IT CANE

Lollll
paddy
WR Officer
+11
Account Executive
Don't flush after your morning coffee. "It says nowhere in my job description about being required to flush the toilet."
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Nowhere in my contract did it make mention of manual labour. 
DungeonsNDemos
Politicker
+10
Rolling for Initiative
Not even the generic “must be able to lift 40 lbs”?
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poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
+10
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
Easy. I'd change every single person's name in the CRM to "Tig Bitties" and set myself as the owner. Erase the audit log history and let things rip.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Apart from one person who can be 'Kinda Tig Bitties' 
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
+10
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
"Kinda Tig Bitties -- Brenda"
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Re
RedLightning
Politicker
+7
Mid-Market AE
This is incredible and I"m really happy I"m WFH today because I've been laughing at it for a good 30 seconds
spoderman
Arsonist
+10
Friendly Neighborhood Spoderman
Can you still get unemployment from jail?
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
What a thought-provoking question. I don't actually know. Any UBS or Deutsche bankers in the War Room? They might know. 
spoderman
Arsonist
+10
Friendly Neighborhood Spoderman
Quick witted, I see. @PaddyIce are you a cheap imitation of @paddy ?
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CoorsKing
WR Officer
+13
King of the Coors Knights
I’d grab my pressure washer and a tub of everlasting gobstopers and turn it into a mini gun of flavor targeting the interns while standing on my mountain of empty Coors boxes
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
This is the box fort I die on!
Mooney
Tycoon
+13
Director of Sales
Update all other reps opps in SFDC
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Devious, I love it. 
Mooney
Tycoon
+13
Director of Sales
Better yet, when someone says why are you updating all these, just respond with my manager keeps telling me SDFC hygiene is really important  
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GrizzleMcThornBody
Arsonist
+12
EVP - RevOps
lol this is dirty
GrizzleMcThornBody
Arsonist
+12
EVP - RevOps
- talk about the 2020 election and conspiracy theories.
- google the ceo and openly discuss his personal life prior to his current venture
- call your leadership mechanisms of the patriarchy

i can keep going
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Wait, let me get readdy... Ok i'm good, so on the lizard people? 
GrizzleMcThornBody
Arsonist
+12
EVP - RevOps
illuminati is real
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DungeonsNDemos
Politicker
+10
Rolling for Initiative
Hell yes this is a great question. I would probably blast the entire team via one large email of all the dirty secrets I know about our company and then watch the pandemonium while not answering my phone (#WFH).
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Ahh, a carpet bomb of dirty secrets. Love it. 
FamilyTruckster
Politicker
+9
Exec Director, Major Accounts
I’ve always enjoyed the idea of doing absolutely nothing until someone finally notices. Isn’t as malicious as others, but could be fun.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Think the current world record is this Italian dude with 15 years.  https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-56822571

FamilyTruckster
Politicker
+9
Exec Director, Major Accounts
That’s amazing!
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BeatCancer
Fire Starter
+2
Account Executive
i think i could actually do that where i work.
log 30 fake activities a day and no one would notice for years
Sheriff
Politicker
+6
Sales Trainer
Take a 3 week trip to anywhere, do not reply to any outreach from work, just show up one day like nothing happened. You should be let go pretty fast while still collecting some paychecks if you time it right.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
You'd think that but this one Italian dude managed 15 years.  https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-56822571
happyhunter
Politicker
+6
spittin' sunshine
That guy is the absolute man
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
+9
International Sales Director
I'll probably check my phone a lot in front of my boss and an occasional selfie in front of him. 
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Bust out a little roll tide tiktok dance??
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
+9
International Sales Director
LOL that'll definitely do it!  
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Re
RedLightning
Politicker
+7
Mid-Market AE
Constantly point out what is and isn't in your job description
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
A slow burner, but it gets the job done. 
Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
+9
WR Enthusiast
I'd be nice to the interns 
AutoSmiler
Arsonist
+7
SDR
tug one out on zoom 
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Not the worst one you'll ever have, but it'll do. 
The_Sales_Badger
Notorious Answer
+9
Account Executive
Conduct a company webinar doing the old Ace Ventura, talking with my buttcheeks the whole meeting.  Alllllllll Righty then
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Lovely Party. Pity I Wasn’t Invited
Queen_of_the_funnel
Opinionated
+3
Sr Manager of Business Development
Stop wearing the mask my CFO forces me to wear when less than 10% of employee base is back in the office.
ZeroGrit
Opinionated
+3
VP of Hoping My Emails Find You Well
Refresh salesforce every 30 minutes... 
GDO
Politicker
+7
BDM
Just go to your manny and tell him you’ll no longer bring in business, so they should fire you. If they don’t, tell him you’ll start fucking up clients. 
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
Just stop doing anything that isn't exactly closing. Updating the CRM? Nah. Attending forecast meetings? Nah. Answer your manager's calls? Nah.
Swand
Politicker
+2
BDR
Jejejejejeje creo que la mejor forma es decir la verdad antes de ser no deseado en donde estás 
31
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