If you wanted to get fired from work, how would you?

Hey guys, hypothetically speaking of course, how would one go about getting fired from their job but still get unemployment while causing maximum chaos? Again, hypothetically obviously...

🤝 Networking
✌️ Growing Pains
🤘 Personal Growth
30
paddy
WR Officer
15
Director of Business Development
Don't flush after your morning coffee. "It says nowhere in my job description about being required to flush the toilet."
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
5
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Nowhere in my contract did it make mention of manual labour. 
DungeonsNDemos
Big Shot
3
Rolling 20's all day
Not even the generic “must be able to lift 40 lbs”?
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
5
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Not in my current one.
DungeonsNDemos
Big Shot
4
Rolling 20's all day
If someone asks you to hand them anything, just say it's not in your job description. Checkmate.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
5
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Nice. 
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
11
☕️
Easy. I'd change every single person's name in the CRM to "Tig Bitties" and set myself as the owner. Erase the audit log history and let things rip.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
8
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Apart from one person who can be 'Kinda Tig Bitties' 
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
7
☕️
"Kinda Tig Bitties -- Brenda"
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
5
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Truth hurts Brenda
happyhunter
Politicker
1
spittin' sunshine
That slut Brenda...
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
4
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Hey, watch it, we can talk about Brenda like that, but you can't. 

She's a beautiful independent woman.
RedLightning
Politicker
1
Mid-Market AE
This is incredible and I"m really happy I"m WFH today because I've been laughing at it for a good 30 seconds
BmajoR
Arsonist
8
Account Executive
Can you still get unemployment from jail?
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
9
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
What a thought-provoking question. I don't actually know. Any UBS or Deutsche bankers in the War Room? They might know. 
BmajoR
Arsonist
6
Account Executive
Quick witted, I see. @PaddyIce are you a cheap imitation of @paddy ?
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
6
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Who is this imposter in our midst? 
CoorsKing
WR Officer
8
Retired King of the Coors Knights
Red is sus.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
5
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Red is hella sus, I saw them stab marketing in the back. Actually red is pretty chill. 
CoorsKing
WR Officer
8
Retired King of the Coors Knights
I’d grab my pressure washer and a tub of everlasting gobstopers and turn it into a mini gun of flavor targeting the interns while standing on my mountain of empty Coors boxes
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
3
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
This is the box fort I die on!
someoneinsales
Tycoon
7
Director of Sales
Update all other reps opps in SFDC
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
5
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Devious, I love it. 
someoneinsales
Tycoon
2
Director of Sales
Better yet, when someone says why are you updating all these, just respond with my manager keeps telling me SDFC hygiene is really important  
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
5
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
One central source of truth. 
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
1
sales
lol this is dirty
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
6
sales
- talk about the 2020 election and conspiracy theories.
- google the ceo and openly discuss his personal life prior to his current venture
- call your leadership mechanisms of the patriarchy

i can keep going
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
4
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Wait, let me get readdy... Ok i'm good, so on the lizard people? 
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
2
sales
illuminati is real
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
3
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Shit man, next you're going to say the birds are government spys. 
hh456
Celebrated Contributor
0
sales
they are everywhere
DungeonsNDemos
Big Shot
3
Rolling 20's all day
Hell yes this is a great question. I would probably blast the entire team via one large email of all the dirty secrets I know about our company and then watch the pandemonium while not answering my phone (#WFH).
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
5
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Ahh, a carpet bomb of dirty secrets. Love it. 
FamilyTruckster
Politicker
3
Exec Director, Major Accounts
I’ve always enjoyed the idea of doing absolutely nothing until someone finally notices. Isn’t as malicious as others, but could be fun.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
4
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Think the current world record is this Italian dude with 15 years.  https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-56822571

FamilyTruckster
Politicker
2
Exec Director, Major Accounts
That’s amazing!
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
3
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Italian government is one spicy memeball 
BeatCancer
Fire Starter
0
Account Executive
i think i could actually do that where i work.
log 30 fake activities a day and no one would notice for years
Sheriff
Politicker
3
Sales Trainer
Take a 3 week trip to anywhere, do not reply to any outreach from work, just show up one day like nothing happened. You should be let go pretty fast while still collecting some paychecks if you time it right.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
3
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
You'd think that but this one Italian dude managed 15 years.  https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-56822571
happyhunter
Politicker
0
spittin' sunshine
That guy is the absolute man
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
2
International Sales Director
I'll probably check my phone a lot in front of my boss and an occasional selfie in front of him. 
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
4
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Bust out a little roll tide tiktok dance??
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
1
International Sales Director
LOL that'll definitely do it!  
CuriousFox
WR Officer
6
🦊
I'd fire you on the spot.
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
4
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
I took a DNA test, turns out Imma 100%, that unemployable bitch 
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
1
International Sales Director
I'd sooo fire me on the spot! 
bamageorge
Celebrated Contributor
1
International Sales Director
hahahaha
RedLightning
Politicker
2
Mid-Market AE
Constantly point out what is and isn't in your job description
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
3
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
A slow burner, but it gets the job done. 
Kinonez
Celebrated Contributor
2
War Room Enthusiast
I'd be nice to the interns 
AutoSmiler
Arsonist
1
Account Executive
tug one out on zoom 
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
4
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Not the worst one you'll ever have, but it'll do. 
The_Sales_Badger
Notorious Answer
1
Account Executive
Conduct a company webinar doing the old Ace Ventura, talking with my buttcheeks the whole meeting.  Alllllllll Righty then
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
3
No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL
Lovely Party. Pity I Wasn’t Invited
Queen_of_the_funnel
Opinionated
1
Director of Sales Development
Stop wearing the mask my CFO forces me to wear when less than 10% of employee base is back in the office.
ZeroGrit
Valued Contributor
0
VP of Hoping My Emails Find You Well
Refresh salesforce every 30 minutes... 
GDO
Politicker
0
BDM
Just go to your manny and tell him you’ll no longer bring in business, so they should fire you. If they don’t, tell him you’ll start fucking up clients. 
CaneWolf
Politicker
0
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
Just stop doing anything that isn't exactly closing. Updating the CRM? Nah. Attending forecast meetings? Nah. Answer your manager's calls? Nah.
Swand
Politicker
0
BDR
Jejejejejeje creo que la mejor forma es decir la verdad antes de ser no deseado en donde estás 
CRAG112
Valued Contributor
0
Account Executive
Just don't respond or show up. Or do so, so slowly, they can't stand it anymore. Be belligerent. Be rude. 
15

My boss wants me to quit but I want to get fired and collect unemployment, any tips? LOL

Question
18
How was ur monday
61 people voted
11

If you knew you were about to get fired...

Question
18
Which one would you pick?
37% Marketing
21% Procurement
3% Admin / Secretary
38% I'll shoot myself
126 people voted