Impossible Quota

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover

And my quota was missing again.

This happens all the time.

It's impossible.

(Impossible quota) 

This comes in handy a lot of the time.

I can go full badger, when I think it's gonna get me in the money, Or I can mail it in, when I know it’s out of reach.

But now and then I go to a happy hour, get too drunk, And the next morning I can't for the life of me

Remember my quota.

(Impossible quota) 

First I looked around my share drives, and I couldn't find it.

So I called up the speakeasy where the happy hour was, They hadn't seen it either.

I asked them to check the Kahlua bottle 'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes

But not this time.

(Impossible quota) 

So I told them if it pops up to let me know.

I called a few coworkers who were at the happy hour, But they were no help either.

I was starting to get desperate.

I really don't like being without my quota for too long.

It makes me feel like less of a man,

And I really hate having to sit down with my manager everytime I make a call.

(Impossible quota) 

After a few hours of searching the cubicle,

And slacking everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed,

So I went to the ironically named breakfast place, and ate avocado toast. 

(Impossible quota) 

Then, as I walked past marketing towards the cold brew keg,

Where all those SDRs sell used Grant Cardone books and other junk on the street,

I saw my quota lying on a blanket next to a broken bluetooth headset.

Some intern was selling it. 

(Impossible quota) 

I had to buy it off him.

He wanted a full quarter guarantee, but I talked him down to threshold.

I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on my wall.

I was happy again. Complete. 

(Impossible quota) 

People sometimes tell me I should get the whole year at once, But I don't know.

Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,

I like having an impossible quota