chig777

BDR

Valued Contributor

Introvert sales noob struggling at social/networking events.. if you relate, would appreciate any advice/insight!

I am an introvert by nature and have generally been more of a listener than a talker. It's worked out pretty well for me (even in the sales space) because I get more information from prospects and respond with something of value. But as we get out to more conferences and networking events, it's becoming difficult for me to not let conversations go flat..

I often go with the approach of asking questions about others and responding to what they say but because I don't really watch sports/have interest in cars (I know, I should work on this..) feel like it's harder for me to build rapport as quickly as others.

Reading books like, How to make friends and influence people, definitely helped me take a different perspective on how to approach building relationships and dealing with people. Wanted to see if there were others that faced similar difficulties and what they did to improve. Thanks all!

🤝 Networking

😎 Sales Skills

33

47 comments

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TennisandSales

Politicker

25

Head Of Sales

hmm this is a completely legit question. Ill be the first to say i hate networking events.

the happy hourts at conferences where you boss says "go talk to ppl" is also terrible.....and i consider my self to be an extrovert!

I like you approach of trying to ask questions about them, ppl love to talk about them self.

Here are some of my go to questions if I am trying to make small talk/ connect with ppl. (the goal here is just to make small talk, not really talk about work or "move a deal forward"

1. The Event its self
- "is there a speaker you came specifically for?"
- "is there a topic that is being discussed that made you want to come?"
2. Events in general ( ill phrase it how I would say it)
- Its been a while since ive been at an in person event, i feel a little lost at times! hve you been going to events throughout COVID?" You can pivot into virtual events and their opinion on that..

3. Where are they from
-Maybe you have been there before,
- if its far away, ask about travel, do they like to travel or not
- "are you a work in the air port kind of person, or do you just try to relax and enjoy the ride?

4. Family
I normally bring up how i like to travel but its hard on my wife and kids. then ask if they are in a similar boat. (this normally works better with women, not trying to be sexist, but its just my experience)

5. what do they do outside of the conference
- after all the sessions are done what do you do to unwind? relax in the hotel? go site seeing?
- "there always seems to be a bunch of after parties, do you find those fun or do you tend to avoid them?"

im sure I could come up wiht more.....let me know if thats helpful or not!

chig777

Valued Contributor

6

BDR

These are golden. I have a conference coming up next week and I was dreading it. Thank you for sharing these with me!!

TennisandSales

Politicker

3

Head Of Sales

oh nice! Glad it was helpful.

SADNESSLieutenant

Politicker

0

Officer of ♥️

100%

1nbatopshotfan

Politicker

9

Sales

To echo @TennisandSales ask about them.

what brings you here?
where do you work now?
where were you before?
what do you like about this event?
have you don’t this before?

open ended questions about them and their experience gives you the chance to listen.

TennisandSales

Politicker

1

Head Of Sales

another good one is :
"are there other events you like more than this one? or is this top of the list for you?"

ppl also like to complain haha its easy to connect with someone initially on a negative experience.

Hopefully you are able to shift it to something positive but its a good place to start

chig777

Valued Contributor

1

BDR

haha yup, folks love to complain. thanks for the advice, I will use that and end it on a positive note

chig777

Valued Contributor

1

BDR

thank you! these are awesome

CuriousFox

WR Officer

6

🦊

Ask something about them. Folks love talking about themselves.

Sunbunny31

Politicker

2

Sr Sales Executive 🐰

Worst case, they are also introverts.

chig777

Valued Contributor

1

BDR

I am learning that in sales! People love to talk about themselves lol

NotCreativeEnough

Big Shot

-1

Professional Day Ruiner

yep. I feel like the worst thing you can do is ask them something related to the conference itself. They get asked that by everyone else that's there. Do something to make yourself stand out and to not get an automated, canned response they've given 20 times that day already

E_Money

Big Shot

6

💰

You just have to "turn it on". I did theater in college (I know... NERD) and I would just treat stuff like this as playing a character which made it fun and took some of the pressure off. I am also introverted and would prefer to skip anything with the word networking the title, but unfortunately it is unavoidable

Thatsalesdude

Politicker

8

Account Executive

Sales is the highest paid acting gig.

E_Money

Big Shot

2

💰

haha I don't know about "highest paid" but definitely an acting gig

NoGoodAtThis

Politicker

4

Sales rep

I love this a mentor taught me there are two people in your life now, your role and identity. Your role of a sales person is to be the actor who (big challenger sale followers) is the expert in the product/service/event/ etc... Even if your identity is a mild mannered introvert who'd rather lie on the couch and hang out with their cats... Maybe the end got a little specific but you get the point

chig777

Valued Contributor

1

BDR

LOL yup, right on the money.. except it's a dog

chig777

Valued Contributor

1

BDR

haha wow, never thought of it like that. thanks for the perspective!

BmajoR

Arsonist

1

Account Executive

nerd

E_Money

Big Shot

2

💰

🤓

Pachacuti

Politicker

5

They call me Daddy, Sales Daddy

I think the hardest part of what you describe is the initial ice breaker. It’s tough to do since attendees tend to self segregate and close the door to anyone (ie a sales person) intruding into their space.
I like the meal times and the golf outings (or equivalent). I will purposely sit with a bunch of people I don’t know I order to create the networking oppt. Same with golf. I suck at golf. But I’m a nice guy who will buy all the drinks they want. So people like me ;)
Beyond that it’s a tough to just jump into a conversation or walk up to a stranger. So look for opportunities like I describe which force interaction between strangers.

chig777

Valued Contributor

2

BDR

thank you very much! time to buy the drinks lol

NotCreativeEnough

Big Shot

0

Professional Day Ruiner

to add to this, if you're a single guy. Practice by approaching random girls when you're out and try talking to them. You'll get used to rejection fast and learn what openers work. And it'll help out your dating life in the process.

ego

Politicker

3

Bartender

If you want a book suggestion, Making People Talk by Barry Farber.

If you’re having an issue vibing with people, magic mushrooms.

chig777

Valued Contributor

1

BDR

LOL I will try the book first, then the fun guys

TheKing

Good Citizen

0

CEO

I saw what you did there...nice double entendre

Kswee

Contributor

3

Opener/Closer

As a natural introvert, I feel your pain haha
What I did that helped me the most was to try and get myself into a social situation that put me out of my comfort zone at least once a day.
I know it sounds incredibly simple, but it’s something that took me from over thinking every social situation I was in to being known as an extrovert. (I definitely am not)
One thing I noticed too, is that I started using my introvert tendencies that held me back to my advantage instead.
Some general tips that do make it easier tho would be:
-do less 1 on 1, bring someone else in the conversation. Helps bring down that pressure of having to carry a conversation.
- if it becomes awkward/stale, don’t be afraid to call it out and laugh it off (shifting “blame” on yourself and not the other person to not make them feel bad). If you’re feeling it, they probably are too, so it cuts the tension for both.
-if they’re into a topic you don’t know about, just be honest and tell them you’re not too familiar with it but let them teach you about it. They’ll appreciate the fact that you wanted to learn about the hobby. Also, gives you great ammo for when you meet someone else with the same interest too “oh yea, I don’t know too much about that but i heard (Insert random fact you learned about topic)….”.
That’s literally my best move for building quick rapport lol
Don’t know if that was what you were looking for, but I hope it helps 😅

Kswee

Contributor

0

Opener/Closer

Won’t lie, I didn’t proof read so I hope it’s decipherable lol

chig777

Valued Contributor

1

BDR

These are great, I understood every point, thank you!

10XQLA

Politicker

3

Medical Sales Assassin

97% of the world's billionaires are introverts Musk, Bezos, Gates, Buffet, Zucks, Jobs, etc. Active listening is always key. Remember the person who speaks most loses....

chig777

Valued Contributor

0

BDR

Thank you, I'll try to work on it but also recognize that it's not a bad thing

NotCreativeEnough

Big Shot

3

Professional Day Ruiner

I am an introvert. How I finally got over it was when I moved to a new city all alone. I didn't want to be sitting in my apart all the time by myself with no friends. With that said, you don't have to move to a new city to break out of your comfort zone, it's just what finally forced me to do it.

As cliche as it is, the only way to get better at it is to do it. Go to bars and treat them like a networking event. Go out 2 or 3 nights a week and make it a goal to talk to at least 5 random people while you're out. Eventually it stops being uncomfortable and you learn how to do it. You also learn how to do it naturally so it doesn't sound forced once you're actually in the situation at a networking event.

As far as at events go, don't just walk up to a random person and start talking. Find someone who is at the bar ordering a drink, or sitting alone somewhere, or doing some sort of menial task you can partake in like also waiting to order a drink, filling your water cup, whatever. Then make small talk from there and start asking questions.

Keep the questions open ended, and keep them relevant to that person. People love to talk about themselves, especially if they feel like you're actually listening.

I struggled with this a lot when I got into sales. I definitely wouldn't consider myself a pro by any means, but its definitely come a long way since I started.

chig777

Valued Contributor

1

BDR

Thank you for sharing your experience. I will start practicing in my day to day events and hopefully, that will transfer over to work/networking events.

meetalk

Good Citizen

2

Account Executive

Read “The Introverts Edge”. It helped me and made sure I had specific rest periods to recharge.

chig777

Valued Contributor

0

BDR

Will check this out!

wolfblitzer

Member

2

CRO

Love this question.

I totally relate to turning up to a networking event and having a meltdown. My default mode is to withdraw and cast judgement on these fools.
However, as I've gotten older - one thing I realise is that my judgement reflex is a defense mechanism to my fear of rejection. My immediate fear is that these people will reject me - that's what keeps me boxed in - but the more I am genuinely confident with who I am, the more people respond.

Someone else commented on turning it on & playing a role - i think this is 100% true - BUT I wouldn't call it acting. It's accessing the part of you that is free and unburdened and bringing it out for everyone to see.

It may feel like or legitimately start as acting or 'fake it till you make it' - but truth is, that's you. Just a part you haven't brought out yet.

Have a little alcohol - that will grease the wheels. But not too much. Just enough to boost your confidence.

chig777

Valued Contributor

1

BDR

thank you, I have to admit I kind of fall in the habit of casting judgements and tend to look at it as rather ingenuine but perhaps, that is my defense mechanism..

I will try to let that part of myself out at these events!

wolfblitzer

Member

0

CRO

if you are anything like me - it is 100% a defence mechanism.

When you judge people it gives you the best out. If they don't accept you - that's because they're idiots who value stupid things!

If you can look at all those people as valuable & worth your time, (regardless of how you might feel) - I guarantee you, they will return that sentiment.

Everyone is looking for someone who is looking for them. Be that guy - and you'll always make it work.

bostonsalesgal

Executive

1

BDR Manager

Dude I'm the same way. Huge introvert here but v good at sales.

Here's what I do (you prob already do some of them but want to share incase it helps) :

ask open ended questions to get them talking about themselves.

then theyll prob start asking u things too and boom next thing ya know the convos done:)

if youre still having problems talking about yourself, talk about your pets, something funny thats happened to you, or anything relatable.

chig777

Valued Contributor

0

BDR

haha nice, thank you. good to know that introverts can make it in sales :) I will try open ended questions!

consistencycapital

Good Citizen

1

BDR

be interested not interesting can take you a long way. lean into your strength, a weakness is only a weakness until you find a solution. good luck

chig777

Valued Contributor

0

BDR

Love that quote. thank you

justatopproducer

Politicker

0

VP OF SALES -US

Everyone feels the same way. Walk around and when someone makes eye contact walk up and talk to them. Loved around a bunch when I was a kid and that’s how I made friends. Eventually you’ll find people you like they will introduce you to others as well and so on. Plus get comfortable with being uncomfortable… sounds lame but helps a ton.

khiz

Fire Starter

0

Account Manager

@chig777i see you and i hear you. Here is some advice that changed my life:

At such social events, everyone is only thinking about how they are looking. And how they come across to others, so that help lift some pressure off you

Some other common topics include the weather, the other persons story, bring up something that was discussed earlier in the conference

Hope that helps :)

Big_Building_Energy

Executive

0

Sales

Just remember, it's very likely that a strong majority of people at the conference/networking event/____ feels the same as you - dreading meeting new people, small talk, away from family, etc.

In that vein, I just introduce myself, ask their name, and what brings them to the event.

With their response, you can decide how much time/effort to invest.

If you'd like to keep talking to them, as others have already mentioned here, just ask lots of open-ended questions and be honestly interested in what they have to see. People can see through fakeness.

mwilly

Good Citizen

0

Enterprise Account Executive

Take a few shots first 🤷‍♂️

ade

Contributor

0

AE (Account Executive)

I have the same problem. Or similar. Once the conversation is started, I’m fine. I can carry a conversation with a wall. But I’m highly introverted and I struggle with going up to people randomly and starting the conversation. I’m here for the tips. Good luck.

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