Is being a Leader, being alone?

“You know Ale, being a manager is being alone: your employees are not your friends, some of them even want your job. Your peers might be competing with you, and your boss plays chess with you. You are just a piece in a game board”


This is what a Sr. Manager told me once when I asked him what being a manager felt like. Back then I was a team leader, hoping to become a Manager. I knew how I felt about it, but I also knew I didn’t know a thing about being an actual manager so I asked someone who had been at the job for some time.


He reminded me of Captain Ahab, a leader, a lonely one though. Regardless of his personal mission, people followed him, even embarked on his mad enterprise. He reminded me not of the crazy, revenge-driven lunatic, but of the tired yet persistent Captain.

I remember thinking “Uhm…ok…you need a beer. Or a friend”. But I wasn’t his friend really, and I don’t usually drink beer, so all I offered was a coffee. It worked well though, some advice for some coffee. I could never forget his words though and after almost a decade of being at the job, I find myself remembering his words more often than not.


I can’t say it’s true or not honestly but I think I can see where he was coming from when he said that: the information you manage, the decisions you need to make, the responsibilities you carry. All of that impacts the business, it also impacts other people and most of all it takes a toll, especially at the beginning of your management career.

I think there are some elements to his reasoning that you only find after some time at the job. I don’t believe them to be 100% accurate, or to apply to every manager or manager’s work, but they helped me understand and hopefully, they will help you too.


You can’t share all. And sometimes that can be hard. Some wins need to be silent, so your career may advance or you may getter something better for your team. Some doubts you can’t openly show, as they might affect your image. Some questions you can’t ask as they might make you look unprepared or not ready. Anything and everything related to your employees, you just can’t talk about that to other employees, and sometimes not even to other managers.

Pressure comes from every possible way. Remember, you’re not just an employee anymore. There is people reporting to you, expecting things from you as well, and you might have peers from other areas who also need things from you. Your boss pushes you, your employees demand your attention and your peers keep setting up meetings with you. It is as if nobody cares that you too are supposed to just work 40 hours a week.


Your mistakes are amplified by your context. Or, easily put: if you are a Sales Manager and you make a poor decision, it will reflect on your team’s performance, your quota attainment, and your manager’s trust in you. Do it twice and it’s bad. Do it three times and it goes nuclear. Your context becomes so much more important than you were just staff.

You are now a bearer of bad news. Because come one, let’s be honest: good news are never taken that seriously. They are considered a must, but who wants to give bad news. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to, as a manager you will have to, regardless of you think it’s fair or not. As a manager you represent to both the Company and your employees “the voice” and that means you need to learn how to deliver those bad news.


Solutions, not problems. Your management expects you to fix things, not break them. So do your employees when they come up with a problem or something they need your help with. What this means is that it doesn’t matter if you created those problems, inherited them or they just got to you: it’s the solutions you need to deliver.

Time is never enough. If you thought that, as an individual contributor your deadlines were short (because managers always ask for stuff to be delivered yesterday), as a manager you will feel the real heat. Deadlines are just a formality, as most of the time you are expected to have an answer even before the questions are asked.


I’m sure there are more like this, but when I think back on that situation I think the combination of these is what might have possibly made that manager felt as he did.

I have to admit that sometimes the stress is a lot, and we all go through those times when we feel it like a burden. As a manager decisions will be hard, and as a leader, you are expected to make them regardless of the stress it puts on you. So thinking about this, I can certainly recall more than a few occasions when it just seemed too hard to keep on going.

Those are the times when you really think about your career choices, and I think that was the moment he was going through when I decided to approach him and ask my questions. Back then I remember thinking that was a crack I was seeing and even though I still think so, I now see it as a good thing: managers need to vent sometimes too.


All in all, I still can’t say I agree with that manager’s statement, but I can finally say I understand him: sometimes it is not easy being that guy. Sometimes those responsibilities, the pressure, and even the rewards seem unreal. Sometimes you just need to breathe, get fresh air, and move on because you are also a person.

But I would add: it is always totally worth it. Working at the service of a team, trying hard to overachieve, be successful, and move forward, helping them and at the same time, the Company. It is hard work, it is difficult and sometimes overwhelming, but it is by far the most rewarding experience I’ve had so far.


To that manager, I would ask the same question, only different as I think I know how to give a better answer now. I will keep my question until the next I meet with him but in the meantime, what about your experience as a manager? Has it been a lonely one?



---------

I shared this post on LinkedIn on 2020...but given I've met fantastic leaders here I thought I'd share here as well.

🏋️‍♀️ Leadership
9
LordBusiness
Politicker
1
Chief Revenue Officer
I think it really depends on your social circles out of work.  Me personally, I've struggled a bit with this feeling as there aren't many folks who understand they day to day of leading a large sales org, with big time numbers and high growth stress.  There are times where, yes -- this post does resonate a bit.  
alecabral
Arsonist
0
Director - Digital Sales Transformation
Yeah, I agree. I had a good support system outside, but there were times I just felt it was me all alone. Someone told me that was it...but there's a lot more to it than just that feeling I guess.
Blackwargreymon
Politicker
1
MDR
It is even and has been something accepted, that when someone moves to a leadership position they will be alone, in the end nobody will help them, because they will have to make the decisions and many times they will go against the decisions.
Clashingsoulsspell
Politicker
1
ISR
Depends if you are a social person or not.
Santipodero
Politicker
0
Sanix
.I frequently meet Leaders who feel alone in their role. It is usually said "the loneliness of the command", or "the loneliness of the leader". It is even and has been something accepted, that when someone moves to a leadership position they will be alone, in the end nobody will help them, because they will have to make the decisions and many times they will go against the decisions. needs of your team or organization and that means being left alone. For this reason, many leaders assume that making decisions means staying alone, but this is part of leading, and that is how it must be assumed. In my opinion, based on the long experience of the Gordon Model for Leaders, this belief is part of the myths that have been created around leadership. The point is, it does have a real basis, in that many leaders actually experience loneliness in their position. The myth is in thinking that this is inherent with leadership and not a consequence of a leadership style. So can leadership be exercised without feeling alone at the top? In my opinion it can and is also very healthy for the leader. What it requires is to change the leadership style. But what leadership style makes the leader feel lonely when making decisions? Precisely the one in which the leader makes too many decisions unilaterally and imposingly. The more you do it, the more the members of your team and your organization move away, and therefore the more you will experience loneliness. Therefore, it is more of a problem that has as its cause the use of authority to resolve conflicts, and of using rewards and sanctions as a control mechanism of the organization instead of trust. There is no doubt that a leader has an authority because of the position he occupies and because many processes in the organization technically require him to make decisions. This type of authority is recognized by the organization and does not create loneliness, because it is something technical.
cw95
Politicker
0
Sales Development Lead
Depends if you are a social person or not. 
MR.StretchISR
Politicker
0
ISR
I think it really depends on your social circles out of work. Me personally, I've struggled a bit with this feeling as there aren't many folks who understand they day to day of leading a large sales org, with big time numbers and high growth stress. There are times where, yes -- this post does resonate a bit.
Mr.Floaty
Politicker
0
BDR
Agh. I voted how many I actually have. Not what I think I should have.
Cyberjarre
Politicker
0
BDR
Agh. I voted how many I actually have. Not what I think I should have.
7

What qualities do the best sales reps you know have?

Question
10
59
Members only

What is your leadership superpower?

Question
70
22
Members only

Top seller is the most toxic person in the company BUT management LOVES them!

Question
20