The War Room
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My ass cheeks are so sunburnt

As some of you may have noticed, I've been MIA for the last little while. No, I did not burst into flames and fly away into Nofucksgivenville like the beautiful Phoenix I am. Nor did I leave because I couldn't take the FAVE CRM and BE$T CRYPTO posts anymore...that's what the Kahlua is for.


Unless you're literally blind, you've probably noticed the budding romance between ๏ปฟ๏ปฟ@paddy๏ปฟ๏ปฟ and I. As funny as it would be if our exchanges were just high level online trolling, we really have fallen in love (with a healthy dose of sexual infatuation obvi) and have been making plans to be together. Since he's a Yankee and I'm your favourite ice queen in Canada, we've settled on Fiji. For the last few weeks, I've been searching for a property there that can support both a love nest and a commune. paddy is an excellent salesman, but I believe his talents will continue to be squandered if he doesn't take a stab at being a cult leader.


I still haven't found something perfect, mainly because I've been too busy throwing back fruity drinks and tanning in the nude while I talk to dolphins from the beach as well as trying to find a Fijian supplier of sexy weapons...too costly to ship those over from CA. Plus I think it's illegal and if I'm going to break the law, it needs to be for something fun, not just shipping products.


Hope u enjoyed the update. I don't miss most of u, miss some of u desperately, and plan on sending a few of u an invite to join the cult when it's up and running...WHERE ARE OUR DMs???


xoxo


coups

๐Ÿ™ Mental Wellness
27
GrizzleMcThornBody
Arsonist
+12
EVP - RevOps
you did a stint in county and that's your cover story. i'll buy it.
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
I'm super happy that isn't true. Pretty people like me don't do well in prison...
GrizzleMcThornBody
Arsonist
+12
EVP - RevOps
well enjoy Fiji
Show 1 more replies
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
I want all to know that I have been advance scouting the commune locations and let me tell you, Fiji has been quite the treat. Heyย @LordOfWar, think you can help connect us on the weapons orders? Been so tricky but you're just the man to help.

Also, cocaine and pina coladas on Fijian beaches are a delightful mix.
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
Thank u for your help. You're a gem.

Can you please let me know if you find my diamond encrusted coke straw anywhere? Last night was kind of fucked up and I have no idea where it could be.
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
I saw an intern trying to use it as payment to be smuggled off the island, but I caught him and have been busy torturing him as penance. I'll have it sent over shortly!
Show 5 more replies
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+9
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Hell, I'd trust a conch that gives out sales advice more than most of Linkedin
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
You just gave me a new idea...the Conchfluencer, coming to an online networking event near you!
UrAssIsSaaS
Politicker
+8
SaaS Eater
When @WCKย told me this was happening I thought he was fucking with me. Now I have an entirely new level of respect for @funcouponsย and @paddyย 
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
I would never tell a lie.
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
Unless it brought in rev
Show 3 more replies
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
@WCKย is a General, a man of Honor. You've seen @paddyย and I post for months now hun, I'm shocked you doubted. We might be a lot of things including: soaked in liquor, psychopaths, masochists, legally insane, and extremely good looking but a pair of cowards? Never.
UrAssIsSaaS
Politicker
+8
SaaS Eater
Cowardice never crossed my mind, but this, this is your Mona Lisa. Your Jordan Flu Game, Your German's Bombing Pearl Harbor and I am nothing but envious.
Show 1 more replies
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
+10
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
We are keeping the mountains blue and the hippos stabby while you are away. Please tell @paddyย I have triple pad-locked his interns, but Trevor keeps getting out. Who gave him all that oil?
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
I DO remember ordering some for Paddy and Pons as a gift, but it must've been sent to the work address and now Trevor has it.
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
+10
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
Welp--there's a greased-up naked SDR named Trevor in Nob Hill right now.
Show 1 more replies
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
Thank you, you guys are the best. Ugh, we really need to get rid of all the oil in the house to stop these damn slippery interns from causing a ruckus, but I don't want to eat dry pasta sans olive oil. Why does life have to be so difficult smh
LordOfWar
Big Shot
+12
Director
Random bouts of communication, travel and beach visits....so your a spy? Sign me up!
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
Well, I did have a thing with Putin a few years back...oh wait, that was poutine.
LordOfWar
Big Shot
+12
Director
Both are good with some gravy and Kurds.

I'm gonna get banned.
Show 1 more replies
FamilyTruckster
Politicker
+9
Exec Director, Major Accounts
Now thatโ€™s a subject line. Might use it on my next cold email ๐Ÿ™ƒ
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
Let me know what your results are like, I'll send you a bill for my work later.
DeskPhoneDestroyer
Catalyst
+5
Team Lead
somebody smack funcoupons ass!
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
Didn't your parents teach u not to touch things u can't afford?
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+13
Senior Account Executive
Whew chile...
Show 1 more replies
Justatitle
Politicker
+11
Mid Market AE
Fiji sounds like such an awesome time. Between that and the Maldives theyโ€™re both bucket list for me.ย 
spoderman
Arsonist
+10
Friendly Neighborhood Spoderman
Hey @SADNES5ย your girlfriend is backย 
si
sickofthetoxic
Politicker
+7
down voters are marketing spies
.


WomenWantMeFishFearMe
Politicker
+4
SDR LXIX
This is a psy op, funcoupons is a Fed.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+13
Senior Account Executive
She's actually quite badass ๐Ÿ˜Ž
Bu
BusterMcDialRipper
Politicker
+7
Director of Dials
I mean considering she burnt her ass I'd say thats pretty bad
happyhunter
Politicker
+6
spittin' sunshine
Drink a pina colada topless in the sunshine for the rest of us stuck slaving away over cold calls and harsh rejections ๐Ÿน Cheers!
Bu
BusterMcDialRipper
Politicker
+7
Director of Dials
and my sunburns got asscheeks wassup
TheNegotiator
Politicker
+7
VP of Sales
I envy the creativity of your posts and/or subject lines. 5/7 well-written. Stirring, compelling, with just the right blend of humour.
.
I too need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I donโ€™t imagine I should return, in fact I mean not to.
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
Only 5/7? :'( But thanks, at least I know that if I ever tire of killing it in sales I can go write for somewhere marginally higher brow than Buzzfeed.
TheNegotiator
Politicker
+7
VP of Sales
https://amp.knowyourmeme.com/memes/fight-club-57-movie
.
5/7 is a perfect score, didnโ€™t ya know?
Show 1 more replies
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights

This comment was removed

LordOfWar
Big Shot
+12
Director
I can certainly provide, what are you looking for? I got AKs, M4s, bolt guns, night vision, thermals, anti-ship missiles, even the less-lethal stuff for fun in the bedroom...
WCK
Notorious Answer
+13
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
I AM eyeing a particular Russian weapon for Torture-Kink Tuesdays....
Show 7 more replies
se
sellingsellssold
Politicker
+7
SDR
Gotta get an aloe plant, the fresh juice is the best for burns!
GrindingSales
Opinionated
+5
Account Executive
Your absence has definitely been noticed!ย  I have found myself the last couple months hoping you were okay as I didn't see your presence in the war room.ย  When you are ready to come back, I think you bring a much needed balance to the WR and wishing you and Paddy nothing but the best!
funcoupons
WR Officer
+12
that's queen coups to u
Oh I'm more than ok. My Kahlua soaked liver on the other hand...

<3
CadenceCombat
Tycoon
+13
Account Executive
Did you delete your posts @funcouponsย ? I only see 3 posts on your profile.
9
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se Bu
+47
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