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Captain_Q profile picture

Captain_Q

Sr. Account Executive

Arsonist
Influencer
Opinionated
+6

Never Have I Ever!

Let's have some fun. Who can come up with the best 'never have I ever' moment in a sales role? I haven't been in inside sales for a while but I think this one is a personal low for me.


Vote up if you've done it or if you think it's worth a vote. The winner gets an air high five all the way from my homeland, The Royal Kingdom of Andrew Cuomo. I'll go first...


Never Have I Ever.....Pissed in a Gatorade bottle during a call blitz, just so I could win a $25 Amazon gift card.


Who's next?!


😂 Sales Humor
34

117 comments

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ElCapitanoMan
Acclaimed Answer
49
Solutions Consultant
Never have I ever called a number I knew was bad just so I could hit my call activity for the day 
Hotsaw
Politicker
11
VP Sales
So many fax machines.
Filth
Politicker
4
Live Filthy or Die Clean
I am so guilty of this in my last position lol. Had to fill up Monday morning call block somehow.
ElCapitanoMan
Acclaimed Answer
7
Solutions Consultant
And that is why having activity metrics isn't always a good thing haha. I think they're great for a baseline but saying "you have to make X calls today" drives behavior like that.
KingKon
2
Sr. CAE
100%
SiliconBBQ
Politicker
2
The Metal Rooster
Management doesn't get it or care. 
Filth
Politicker
2
Live Filthy or Die Clean
The unfortunate thing is that when management or executives don't know why things are going wrong they cling to metrics that promote mindless touches to make them feel better in week/month end reports. And even worse, they'll pay outside consultants to improve those worthless numbers without increasing actual revenue.
Captain_Q
Arsonist
4
Sr. Account Executive
It's all good til they check the call recording, lol!
ElCapitanoMan
Acclaimed Answer
1
Solutions Consultant
Get a few burner phones and give them to friends hahah
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
LOL, now this definitely wins the SAVAGE award for the day! 
Soiboi
Politicker
1
Account Executive, EIAS/Compliance
LOL I love when metrics work.... 
UserNotFound
Politicker
22
Account Executive
Never have I ever taken off my wedding ring before meeting with a prospect that I know has a thing for me.... 

(being a woman in tech sales, selling to IT dudes all day- I definitely get some unfair advantages that I'm happy to leverage. That mortgage doesn't pay itself!)
Incognito
WR Officer
8
Master of Disaster
Psssstt...... they don’t care either way
UserNotFound
Politicker
1
Account Executive
😂
Soiboi
Politicker
1
Account Executive, EIAS/Compliance
Lol... name pans out 😂
Tanmocha_
Contributor
3
Senior Account Executive
Hahaha I feel this LOL except I’m in the Vape/Smoke shop industry. And let me tell you, most of the men LOVE talking to me. But some absolutely HATE that I’m a girl too Lol 😂 (I’m not married though)
ATLSalesQueen
Contributor
3
Sales Consultant
@MrsTechSales LOL on the reverse of this when I didn’t have a ring, I had to buy a fake engagement ring so the account managers would stop trying to set me up and instead take my meeting seriously
CorpBroette
Executive
2
New Business Account Executive
🙌 I hear you there!

"(insert name) just take one for the team, it'll get all of us to our number".
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
Men are brutal....I would like to say I apologize for the all of us but some will never change, smh.  

But hey, use what ya momma gave ya!
Dman1b
Catalyst
1
Azure Specialist
I would so hire you if I was still in management. Way to play to your strengths!
blondeenigma
Opinionated
13
AE
never have I ever... booked a meeting off tinder 👍 hashtag guilty and proud, mad skillz
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Ouuu you little sneak, well played;)
PresidentSkroob
Opinionated
0
CSM
True definition of social selling
CaneWolf
Politicker
12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
Never have I ever invented fake pipeline (I'm a notorious sandbagger) to get management off my back.
Captain_Q
Arsonist
8
Sr. Account Executive
You sandbagging son of bitch;)
CaneWolf
Politicker
4
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
You ain't sandbagging, you ain't trying.
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Facts!
Incognito
WR Officer
10
Master of Disaster
Never have I ever..... secretly recorded asshats in management roles when they think they’re “off the record” for leverage later 👀👀👀
DrSmallprint
Politicker
4
Account Executive
I would like to subscribe to your newsletter
MSPSales
Politicker
2
Partner Development Manager
You playing chess and they playing checkers 
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
Oouuu now this is savage and borderline illegal....love it! lol
NativeNewYorker
Good Citizen
2
Vice President, Risk Advisor
it's legal in some states - like mine.  We only need one party's consent to record a call ;)
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
@NativeNewYorker Where abouts in NYS?  I'm in WNY.   
NativeNewYorker
Good Citizen
2
Vice President, Risk Advisor
Grew up in Queens (Woodhaven) and now live on LonG Island.
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Oh nice, sooo the exact opposite side of the state! lol
NativeNewYorker
Good Citizen
0
Vice President, Risk Advisor
Yes!  I'm way to the east.  Right on the Atlantic ocean.  
GeneralCorp
Notable Contributor
10
General of The War Room
Never Have I Ever PIPED an opportunity ;)
Rissole
Fire Starter
1
BDR
hahaha!
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Before or after the ink was dry?
Hotsaw
Politicker
8
VP Sales
Never Have I Ever.... quoted Tommy Boy on a sales call.
Captain_Q
Arsonist
2
Sr. Account Executive
YASS!  I'm in Telecom and I quote; "What number did you call?"  "7-2-5-mumble-niner.." "Did I catch a niner in there?  Were ya calling from a walkie-talkie?!" 
Hotsaw
Politicker
5
VP Sales
The dump in a box and slap a guarantee on the side is one of my favourite quotes to riff off of
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
LOL Also a great one!  We could go on for hours, one of my all-time favorite movies for sure and even better once I entered sales!
Hotsaw
Politicker
2
VP Sales
"Let me tell you why I suck as a salesman" - also a great line to throw out to your boss when he's grinding you down. haha Agree, this could go on for hours.
IzzyWinning
Tycoon
2
Enterprise Account Executive
For your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, I suggest you buy a quality product from me. 
MSPSales
Politicker
8
Partner Development Manager
Never ever have I ever booked a fake client meeting to get out of a pointless internal meeting 
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
This one, just too easy, lol.
Chep
WR Officer
7
Bitcoin Adoption Specialist
Never have I ever ..... had a closed won🥲
jmoney
Good Citizen
6
Sr Channel Sales
Never have I ever booked a 4 day trip, with one hour long meeting a day, so I could fully explore and expense all meals in that city. 
ElephantChew
Good Citizen
3
Key Accounts
Never did I do that in Europe. Twice. Oh, the heady days pre-Covid.
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
But the real question is; did you get the sale?
Sales4what
Opinionated
5
Co-Founder & VP Sales @ PLURiTy
Never have I ever referenced Clerks in a sales meeting 
KingKon
1
Sr. CAE
"I don't appreciate your ruse!" 
Sales4what
Opinionated
0
Co-Founder & VP Sales @ PLURiTy
Exactly! 
Filth
Politicker
1
Live Filthy or Die Clean
Not Clerks, but I've definitely referenced Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back by singing the nickel bag/noice song lol.
MMMGood
Celebrated Contributor
4
Senior Account Executive
Googled “March Madness upsets” before a call with a prospect just so I could sound like I know what I’m talking about to break some ice. 🙋🏻‍♂️
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Well played!
SalesViking
Valued Contributor
0
Partner Dev Consultant
this worked so well when I was selling gym owners, now I sell salon owners and def faceplanted a few times bringing up sports...
PeterSwan
Opinionated
4
Sales Specialist
Never Have I Ever...used Grant Cardone's cold calling approach and booked a call.
queenops
Opinionated
1
Maker of Sales
someone had to say it. thank god
aki
Old School Bravo
4
Founder
never have i ever....answered another phone call during a live demo then walk away from the screen (while the camera was off)
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
Love this move!
Filth
Politicker
4
Live Filthy or Die Clean
Never have I ever .... Actually used one of those stupid power point slide decks.
Incognito
WR Officer
2
Master of Disaster
Once..... NEVER AGAIN

unless the company rev is over 1B and it’s a huge ass RFP
Rachet
Politicker
4
Account executive
Never have I Ever.... Taken a Nap on company time after hitting my Sales Numbers (In the WFH environment we're in)
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
Nothing wrong with a nice little recharge.   I hit quota yesterday at 125%, I didn't wake up til 10 today lol!
IzzyWinning
Tycoon
1
Enterprise Account Executive
How much nap time does a 270% Q1 buy me? 
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
At least an hour, after nice little liquid lunch:)
IzzyWinning
Tycoon
0
Enterprise Account Executive
Excellent. 
NorthernSalesGuru
Politicker
3
Manager, Outbound Sales
Lmfao I’d be lying if I said I haven’t...
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Sales is a no-shame game, my man!  
Sales_Savage
Member
3
Sales Director
Never have I ever hid booze in a coffee cup while presenting my QBR
SaaSsy
Politicker
0
AE
😂
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Just a little something to take the edge off;)
snazzy
Praised Answer
3
AE
Never have I ever called someone back that hung up on me, and said: "I think you may have accidentally hung up on me".
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
LOL
AutoSmiler
Arsonist
2
Account Executive
Never have I ever congratulated a prospect on receiving their severance package. 
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
Easy money lol
AutoSmiler
Arsonist
0
Account Executive
Never have I ever made easy money as fast as I did that day!
seed2c
2
Founder
Never have I ever hooked up with a prospect that was a 5 at best to guarantee the deal gets closed at list cost.
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
5's need lovin too!
WillSell4Commish
Opinionated
2
VP of Deez
Never have I ever had a customer at the door offer to shoot me for knocking
BigCheese
Notorious Answer
1
Agency Recruiter
Yup been there. Had a guy legit pull a gun on my first day D2D selling in Louisiana lmao
WillSell4Commish
Opinionated
2
VP of Deez
In TX I had a few come sauntering out of their door with their handgun on their hip making sure I could see it. Texans don't like being told their pee shooter won't stand up to my guns *flexes arms while door is slammed in my face*
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Is that a .22?  Are you squirrel hunting?
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
That's intense!
ATLSalesQueen
Contributor
2
Sales Consultant
Never have I ever lied about having technology issues (in WFH) to get out of internal meetings  
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
I don't what's going on with my internet, it is windy outside.....weird. 
AlexT
Politicker
2
Account Executive
Never have I ever called through the list of that rep that just got fired so I could get some easy deals 
softwarebro
Politicker
1
Sales Director
dedication to the craft LOL
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Anything for a quick buck. LOL!
WenWest15
Valued Contributor
1
Principal Business Development Manager
Never have I ever worn my favorite red dress to a sales meeting with all male tech engineers. They literally don't know what to do with me...lol...
WillSell4Commish
Opinionated
1
VP of Deez
You could have handed out spatulas so they could scrap their jaws off the floor
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
LOL. 
Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
Like shooting fish in a barrel:)
ElephantChew
Good Citizen
1
Key Accounts
Peeing in bottles is table stakes for more than just Amazon workers, OP. Heck just last week I peed in a McAlister's Deli cup under my desk, while on camera on a zoom, never once breaking eye contact. While my bathroom was 6 feet away.
WillSell4Commish
Opinionated
1
VP of Deez
The eye contact is a power move
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
Look right through their soul. 
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
My dog does this to me everytime he takes a shit, it's creepy but also soothing LOL 
Flipper
Good Citizen
1
Staff Sales Engineer
Never have I ever called a customer idiot after a phone call that I thought I hung up, but was still listening to me as I cursed at him. 


Captain_Q
Arsonist
1
Sr. Account Executive
He prob deserved it, fuck em;)
Rissole
Fire Starter
1
BDR
Never have I ever scheduled fake google meetings and dial in to hit minute targets
ray
Executive
1
Head of Sales - EMEA Growth
Never have I ever gotten drunk during a prospect meeting
Captain_Q
Arsonist
0
Sr. Account Executive
As long as they order their drink first, it's game on!

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