I'll start:
When I want to say, "Did you even read my fucking email? USE YOUR EYES"
I will actually write, "Great question, please see above where this is already outlined"
E_Money
Professional ways to say unprofessional things
22
"As per my previous email" aka open your fuckin eyes bitch
"Regards," aka Fuck Yourself
"Let me get back to you on that" aka I actually know the answer and you won't like it so this is my way of dodging and hoping you forget you asked.
When talking to colleagues "that's interesting" aka "I couldn't give less a fuck about your kid's hockey game, Karen. But you process my expense reports so I have to pretend to give one iota of a fuck."
"Regards," aka Fuck Yourself
"Let me get back to you on that" aka I actually know the answer and you won't like it so this is my way of dodging and hoping you forget you asked.
When talking to colleagues "that's interesting" aka "I couldn't give less a fuck about your kid's hockey game, Karen. But you process my expense reports so I have to pretend to give one iota of a fuck."
Classics
You kill me. Ha! ๐คฃ
"There seems to be a disconnect" aka you dumb as hell.
"I have attached my previous explanation" aka bitch can you read?
"I have attached my previous explanation" aka bitch can you read?
Fox, you are my spirit animal.ย
๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฆ
"I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you"
BURN
Also "Bless your heart" = Southern Fuck You
Yup, I moved to the south recently and have noticed this thrown around a few times. "you stupid asshole" = "Bless your heart"ย
@SaaSsy hahaha
Iย "damn that's crazy" my co-workers to death all day. Occasionally I spice it up with aย "wow are you serious!"ย
Damn that's crazy
As per below - still reads - are you fucking kidding me? Lol. Iโd eat it. Like oh sorry maybe my previous email didnโt come through or oh sorry perhaps I overcomplicated it. We train our reps in โeating shit 101โ to ensure they donโt crack on the daily. But Canadians do tend to apologize for our existence ๐ so this is nothing.
My favorite is when they blame you for the reason the project is behind when they drug their feet on decisions/responses...ย
"Hmm, I'm sorry that we seem to have miscommunicated. I left several voicemails on your desk phone, and sent follow up emails to each. What is your preferred method of communication? I certainly don't want you to feel like I've dropped the ball, so I'll make sure to use whatever communication channel you prefer best in the future."ย
"Hmm, I'm sorry that we seem to have miscommunicated. I left several voicemails on your desk phone, and sent follow up emails to each. What is your preferred method of communication? I certainly don't want you to feel like I've dropped the ball, so I'll make sure to use whatever communication channel you prefer best in the future."ย
Yessss the more passive aggressive, the betterย
โPer the belowโฆโ = โyouโre an idiot and we clearly already covered thisโ
Hahahah
"Are you going to eat the last bagel?" = "If you take that last bagel I'm going to steal all of your clients"
Wow. You really love bagels.
I love stealing clients even more
๐ฏ
When clients or prospects don't immediately answer me back but they expect me to hold a 45min SLA for my email responses...ย
"Hey, fuckin pay attention to me jackass!" = "Any thoughts on my previous communique?"
Oddly enough actually get more cold outbound email responses than anything else in sequence.ย
"Hey, fuckin pay attention to me jackass!" = "Any thoughts on my previous communique?"
Oddly enough actually get more cold outbound email responses than anything else in sequence.ย
Oh yeah I love it. I "any thoughts" people irl all the time and it works so well.ย
Short and sweet. I love it
*To the customers who ghost me at the 13th hour for a year then email me wanting to move forward*
โHi Mr/Ms Customer,
Great to hear from you again. We couldnโt be more thrilled to partner with you! Attached is the quote for your review and execution.โ
(I intentionally raise the price of the quote than the one offered to the customer when they ghosted me)
Sales equivalent of spitting in the foodย
Iโm sorry you could not join our Teams-call
actual means: fuck you I wasted time waiting for you. If youโre not interested just say it. Coward!
actual means: fuck you I wasted time waiting for you. If youโre not interested just say it. Coward!
COWARD!
"My apologies...blah, blah, blah. I used Google/ZoomInfo, etc." when I want to say "You assumed SO many things I did not say to you A$$hole, sounds like you're having a terrible day and taking it out on me. Oh, you're mad I called your cell and seemingly paranoid as to how I would have it? You used to be an EVP of Sales you absolute moron! Kick rocks"
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