The War Room
Discussion
Post

Professional ways to say unprofessional things

I'll start:


When I want to say, "Did you even read my fucking email? USE YOUR EYES"


I will actually write, "Great question, please see above where this is already outlined"

🐱 Off-Topic
πŸ˜‚ Sales Humor
22
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
up in Fiji, under paddy
"As per my previous email" aka open your fuckin eyes bitch

"Regards," aka Fuck Yourself

"Let me get back to you on that" aka I actually know the answer and you won't like it so this is my way of dodging and hoping you forget you asked.

When talking to colleagues "that's interesting" aka "I couldn't give less a fuck about your kid's hockey game, Karen. But you process my expense reports so I have to pretend to give one iota of a fuck."
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
Classics
Jbeans
Praised Answer
+3
Director of Sales
You kill me. Ha! 🀣
WCK
Notorious Answer
+11
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
"Hope you have a great day!" after a rude call - Go fuck yourself Karen you bitchy excuse of a human being
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
Yup, just have to add the #forcedsmile and #grindingteethΒ 
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+11
Senior Account Executive
"There seems to be a disconnect" aka you dumb as hell.

"I have attached my previous explanation" aka bitch can you read?
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
up in Fiji, under paddy
Fox, you are my spirit animal.Β 
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+11
Senior Account Executive
🦊🦊🦊
Rallier
Politicker
+9
Account Executive
"I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as you"
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
BURN
SaaSsy
Politicker
+3
Sales Executive
Also "Bless your heart" = Southern Fuck You
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
Yup, I moved to the south recently and have noticed this thrown around a few times. "you stupid asshole" = "Bless your heart"Β 
Sniper
Opinionated
+3
Enterprise Account Executive
@SaaSsy hahaha
FeedTheKids
Politicker
+3
Solutions Consultant
IΒ "damn that's crazy" my co-workers to death all day. Occasionally I spice it up with aΒ "wow are you serious!"Β 
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
Damn that's crazy
Jbeans
Praised Answer
+3
Director of Sales
As per below - still reads - are you fucking kidding me? Lol. I’d eat it. Like oh sorry maybe my previous email didn’t come through or oh sorry perhaps I overcomplicated it. We train our reps in β€œeating shit 101” to ensure they don’t crack on the daily. But Canadians do tend to apologize for our existence πŸ˜‚ so this is nothing.
UserNotFound
Politicker
+9
Mid Market Manager
My favorite is when they blame you for the reason the project is behind when they drug their feet on decisions/responses...Β 

"Hmm, I'm sorry that we seem to have miscommunicated. I left several voicemails on your desk phone, and sent follow up emails to each. What is your preferred method of communication? I certainly don't want you to feel like I've dropped the ball, so I'll make sure to use whatever communication channel you prefer best in the future."Β 
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
Yessss the more passive aggressive, the betterΒ 
FromaBlankPerspective
Politicker
+5
District Manager
β€œPer the below…” = β€œyou’re an idiot and we clearly already covered this”
Sniper
Opinionated
+3
Enterprise Account Executive
Hahahah
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
"Are you going to eat the last bagel?" = "If you take that last bagel I'm going to steal all of your clients"
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
Wow. You really love bagels.
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
I love stealing clients even more
Show 1 more replies
Panda4489
Valued Contributor
+4
Business Development Manager
When clients or prospects don't immediately answer me back but they expect me to hold a 45min SLA for my email responses...Β 

"Hey, fuckin pay attention to me jackass!" = "Any thoughts on my previous communique?"


Oddly enough actually get more cold outbound email responses than anything else in sequence.Β 
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
Oh yeah I love it. I "any thoughts" people irl all the time and it works so well.Β 
Panda4489
Valued Contributor
+4
Business Development Manager
Short and sweet. I love it
Sniper
Opinionated
+3
Enterprise Account Executive
*To the customers who ghost me at the 13th hour for a year then email me wanting to move forward* β€œHi Mr/Ms Customer, Great to hear from you again. We couldn’t be more thrilled to partner with you! Attached is the quote for your review and execution.” (I intentionally raise the price of the quote than the one offered to the customer when they ghosted me)
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
Sales equivalent of spitting in the foodΒ 
GDO
Politicker
+7
BDM
I’m sorry you could not join our Teams-call


actual means: fuck you I wasted time waiting for you. If you’re not interested just say it. Coward!
E_Money
Arsonist
+8
Outbound Sales Manager- US
COWARD!
SaaSsy
Politicker
+3
Sales Executive
"My apologies...blah, blah, blah. I used Google/ZoomInfo, etc." when I want to say "You assumed SO many things I did not say to you A$$hole, sounds like you're having a terrible day and taking it out on me. Oh, you're mad I called your cell and seemingly paranoid as to how I would have it? You used to be an EVP of Sales you absolute moron! Kick rocks"
1
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114
9
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Dd
+50
Indakitchenwhippin , Β  Dday , Β  happyhunter Β  and 50 people voted
*Voting in this poll no longer yields commission.