Put my GF on a PIP

Things haven't been as good as they were. Anyone familiar with expiring relationships understands how they kind of fizzle out. 

It's a bummer but ultimately I've seen this scenario a few times. 

No one's at fault, basically life takes over you spend less time together, people get too comfortable and put less effort in. 

So instead of just accepting it and choosing to abide until the relationship erodes away and I wake up next to a stranger, I openly called attention to it and want to fix it or call it quits. 

I'd rather be single than in a relationship that's not on a growth track. Because let's be honest, being in a dead relationship means you are single but lying to yourself about it. 
😤 Conflict Resolution
♥️ Love
🏄 Personal Life
26
funcoupons
WR Officer
17
👑
At least you’re not married and won’t have to pay her severance when u break up. 
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
8
☕️
Compulsory recurring severance. The worst.
Goomba
Opinionated
3
Director
I’m a veteran of 2020 divorce club. Been there. Wouldn’t do that again. Oof
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
9
☕️
So what are the metrics you’re holding this relationship to?

Time spent?
O faces acquired?
Screen time reduction %?
Goomba
Opinionated
2
Director
These are all solid. It’s more organic but spending more meaningful time together. Focusing on things we enjoy and incorporating each other in them.

Generally more of making an effort.
Phillip_J_Fry
Opinionated
0
Director of Revenue
O faces acquired - LMAOOOOOOOO. Now I need to go watch some Office Space tonight
Corpslovechild
Politicker
0
Inbound Sales Manager
AMAZING Comment 
SalesBeast
Politicker
5
Sales Director
My advice: then don’t get married.
This is life after 10 yrs married and kids. If you are a guy. 50% or more is sticking it out for everyone but yourself.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
4
🦊
Just fucking rip the bandaid dude.
Sunbunny31
Politicker
3
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
Sounds like you are both on PIP, or should be, if it's a mutual problem.  

Hopefully you can work it out, or at least part amicably.
DungeonsNDemos
Big Shot
2
Rolling 20's all day
Gotta make sure your relationships are equal effort. Put together a mutual action plan and have your list of give-gets ready.
Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. I agree that honesty is important, and that it takes two to come together and fix a relationship when you feel issues arise. 
Vulnerability and empathy are hard, but very important for success.

I might also suggest to date with intention, but know whats best for yourself (and them). 
Pachacuti
Politicker
2
They call me Daddy, Sales Daddy
"put less effort in" - if everything else is the same, there's your problem.
Lioness
Good Citizen
2
Sr Field Enterprise Account Executive
" No one's at fault" also "Put my GF on a PIP"

It kinda sounds like you think someone's at fault.
Goomba
Opinionated
0
Director
I fully accept the bias I have and am trying to come to a neutral place and being encouraging so her and I can both have things to work on in tandem
Lioness
Good Citizen
0
Sr Field Enterprise Account Executive
Let's say you wanted to get to 150% of target, you wouldn't hold that as a goal and then not make plans or take any steps to get there. Similarly, you two need to collaboratively decide on what you want your dynamic to look like and figure out specifically what needs to happen to make that a reality. 

You can have the conversation head on or you can just ask and compare notes on what you'd like *more* of in the relationship. You mention spending less time together. What's something you like to do that would be more fun with your partner? What does your partner like to do? What's something neither of you have ever done but would be cool to check out together? Make suggestions. Get feedback. Put it on the calendar.

Get a sense of what each of you want/need to feel fulfilled in the relationship *and* identify the meta need that's being fulfilled. For instance, if one person gets their need for closeness met by the other person simply being within physical proximity while the other person gets their need to closeness met by talking about each other's day or having a new experience together, it's easy for one person to think things are going swimmingly and they are connecting while the other person is feeling really disconnected and unhappy. 

Hope things are soon on the upswing for you guys. 
Wellss
Tycoon
1
Channel sales
Soooo you're not your GF's sales manager?  
funcoupons
WR Officer
7
👑
That’s called a pimp 
Sunbunny31
Politicker
4
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
Killing me this morning.   
funcoupons
WR Officer
3
👑
I'm on one
CuriousFox
WR Officer
2
🦊
Big pimpin spendin g's...
funcoupons
WR Officer
2
👑
Thug em fuck em love em leave ‘em cause I don’t fuckin need em 
SADNESSLieutenant
Politicker
1
Officer of ♥️
sorry but this reminded me of the corp bro 'this seams like a severe case of tech douchery'


seriously, that sucks, if its not growing its dieing, my condolences
Justatitle
Big Shot
1
Account Executive
Never seen a PIP work in the professional world, interested to see if it works in the personal one… usually a PIP is a nice way of saying you got a few months to look for a new role
DataSlangah
Politicker
1
SAE
This actually made me smile for once in a long time.  Maybe I am just sensitive because I am going through a shit time in my marriage right now, but I don't think that you can treat it like business.  Trust me I wish I could.  I would have called this a dead deal a long time ago and cut bait.  I think that you are doing the right thing about putting her on a PIP, as long as you put yourself on one also.  
mollybloomstanaccount
Politicker
1
AE (Account Executive)
I hope it gets better for you. I think if both people are committed to reconnecting and showing they care it make it work they can
Goomba
Opinionated
2
Director
Yeah! Communication and effort are a requirement. Can’t sleep on them.
NotCreativeEnough
Big Shot
1
Professional Day Ruiner
make sure to schedule weekly one-on-ones with her to review her performance. Give her clear goals to work towards. And set the expectation that if performance doesn't improve by the end of the month you'll have to let her go and begin accepting applications for her replacement. It's not personal, it's just business. 
ChumpChange
Politicker
1
Channel Manager
At least you're not married.  That's a whole other shit storm.  Congrats on valuing your time and priorities.  It takes courage to see the path you're heading toward and choose to stop and go in a completely different direction.
Coffeesforclosers
Notable Contributor
1
Director Sales and Market Development
You should have a series of 1:1s first 
TennisandSales
Politicker
0
Head Of Sales
interesting topic to put in the WR. 

I like the title.....content fell short of expectations. 

I hope you figure out your relationship. 

thanks for not asking about Vidyard
Corpslovechild
Politicker
0
Inbound Sales Manager
Does she have a hot friend? You can sleep with her and kill 2 birds with 1 stone. 
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