paddy

Director of Business Development

Notorious Answer

"Sell Me this Kahlua"

The year is 2029. After the successful coup attempt, Paddy has inserted himself as Chief Drinking Officer of Kahlua. Every former member of the old regime's sales team has been executed by firing squad. Kahlua is looking for vigorous sales reps who are looking to colonize the moon. After seeing a position open on the WR jobs board, you've decided to apply. You've made it past the initial screening. The Sandler Sales Certificate and fluffed up KPI's on your LinkedIn profile worked, earning you a discussion with Kahlua's Head of Sales, @WCK. You give him your 30/60/90 plan and he reluctantly approves, ordering you to further pledge your loyalty by buttchugging a 2-liter bottle of the sweet liqueur in under 30 seconds. Somehow, you pull it off, landing a final round interview in a conference room with the Chief Drinking Officer. Paying homage to the sacrifices that certain individuals made during the bloody coup (RIP @InQ5WeTrust), you accept the cigarette burn inflicted on your eyelid.

I pull out a bottle and slide it across the table towards you.

"Sell me this Kahlua."

What's your pitch?

👥 Social Selling

🤝 Interviewing/Offer

26

38 comments

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funcoupons

WR Officer

18

👑

"We didn't get a prenup hun, either hire me or I divorce you and take it all. Including your Kahlua vault. And I'll tell the media where all those interns are buried, even though the courts will offer me spousal privilege."

😇

paddy

WR Officer

8

Director of Business Development

You wouldn't dare.

funcoupons

WR Officer

3

👑

You knew who I was before u agreed to marry me... I mean I fell in love with u for God's sakes.

InQ5WeTrust

Arsonist

10

No marketing, mayo isn't an MQL

A true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his liver. - Hercules

RedLightning

Politicker

9

Mid-Market AE

RL -"Paddy, what's it been, 10 maybe 20 seconds since you've had a drink?"

P -"24"

RL -"By the time I finish speaking, that number will have risen above 35. You don't want to break the minute mark, do you"

P- "absolutely not"

RL -"You sign the contract, I'll open the bottle and neither of us crosses that minute mark. Sound good"

P - *frantically looks for pen and butt funnel*

paddy

WR Officer

6

Director of Business Development

When can you start?

RedLightning

Politicker

3

Mid-Market AE

Apparently 2029

alecabral

Arsonist

0

Director - Digital Sales Transformation

That's an image now stuck in my mind. Ugh.

RedLightning

Politicker

2

Mid-Market AE

You sign this contract and I'll open another bottle. You finish it and there's a good chance you don't remember any that image. Sound good?

alecabral

Arsonist

0

Director - Digital Sales Transformation

Ink ok or do you need my blood?

RedLightning

Politicker

0

Mid-Market AE

it's 2028, either is fine

alecabral

Arsonist

0

Director - Digital Sales Transformation

That's a future I can't wait to see

Chep

WR Officer

4

Bitcoin Adoption Specialist

Trick question. Kahlua sells itself all I have to do is ask you to take a sip😎

mitts2

Politicker

3

Account Executive

dude. wtf. you beat me by 3 min

Chep

WR Officer

4

Bitcoin Adoption Specialist

Hahahahhaha want to know what's even funnier. I was worried someone was gonna comment this so before I posted my comment I checked all the other comments to make sure I was good. Great minds think alike Mitts2

DrunkenArt

Politicker

3

Sales Representative

"Hey, wanna get fucked up?"

ChunkyButters

Tycoon

3

AE

I drink the entire bottle in one swig to assert my dominance

paddy

WR Officer

2

Director of Business Development

*wipes blood from mouth*

DataSlangah

Politicker

3

SAE

I would just grab the bottle, walk out the door, go down to the local liquor store and buy a bottle of vodka and a jug of cream. Mix up up some Fedorovs, and wait for your inevitable call asking "where is my bottle of Kahlua." At which point I say "it will be $50 because I got some money tied up in the product."

paddy

WR Officer

3

Director of Business Development

I wouldn't be so sure a call from me is inevitable. Let's say you never get a call. Then what?

DataSlangah

Politicker

1

SAE

I then drink the whole bottle and pass out in the gutter without a job destitute begging for your change.

Kinonez

Celebrated Contributor

3

War Room Enthusiast

Give me a glass, try it. It's $24.99.

BmajoR

Arsonist

3

Account Executive

hwat

UrAssIsSaaS

Arsonist

2

SaaS Eater

"You like liquid gold?"

Hotlead

Politicker

1

Producer

Just like this bottle I am little bitter and always filled with alcohol. How does August 23 sound for a starting date?

paddy

WR Officer

2

Director of Business Development

Might land you a job in marketing.

Hotlead

Politicker

2

Producer

The only move from there is to butt chug the bottle while making eye contact to prove myself

paddy

WR Officer

3

Director of Business Development

YOU ALREADY HAD TO BUTTCHUG TO GET TO THIS POINT IN THE INTERVIEW THAT'S NOT AN OPTION HERE

mitts2

Politicker

1

Account Executive

Me: "Do you have a bottle of Kahlua in arms reach?"

@Paddy: "No"

Me: *slides bottle back across the table, gets up and walks towards the door* - "Take a sip and you'll call me before I get to the elevator."

Jbeans

Opinionated

1

Director of Sales

I’d go with a negative reverse, you prob don’t want this Kahlua, right? You’ve prob had enough I’m sure. .. (paddy grabs bottle from my hands and chugs in defiance) .. 😎

Rupert_Pupkin

Contributor

1

Account Executive

"Can I offer you a White Russian, Mr. Lebowski?"

Woody

Politicker

1

Business Development Executive

Drink this. It's Kahlua.

alecabral

Arsonist

0

Director - Digital Sales Transformation

Kahlua suck....(dies instantly)

inboundsalesrep

Politicker

-4

SDR

I would buttchugg that bottle as well and just tell you that you missed your shot at the best product in the world and now your business is going to fail and you end up on the streets a sad little little man

paddy

WR Officer

4

Director of Business Development

Buttchugging is the prerequisite loyalty test to landing the final interview with me though. You've already proved you can do that. You need to actually sell me now.

inboundsalesrep

Politicker

0

SDR

I'm going to baileys

paddy

WR Officer

1

Director of Business Development

I'm not afraid of inferior products.

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