To quit or not to quit(caring for terminally ill fam member)

I'm in quite a pickle. I'm debating on quitting the current job, or sticking it out (but with poor performance).


*edit, adding: I was PIP'd last month and have til next month to get my numbers up, which is definitely not happening now.


My elderly dad is on home hospice, and I'm the primary caregiver. I have no other family backup, and dad has rejected staying in a facility for the final days of his life. He's now staying with me. It was difficult, but manageable at first. I was able to still work from home, take calls, close deals. But his recent condition is worsening and now demands more around the clock care.


As for work, my employer is a small, scrappy startup. There's no eligibility for FMLA, and they are very frugal with PTO. I'm about to max out on PTO this week. My performance has been down in the dumps due to all of this. My calls aren't as effective, my pipeline management has gotten away from me and I'm constantly playing catch up as opposed to being the top performer I usually am.


The new employer is aware of my situation, but hasn't given me any good options. I'm basically faced with two options: Stick it out until the very last moments of his life(with very poor sales performance), and it's hard to tell whether my dad will be around a few days, or a few months. Or put in my two weeks and just ride out my savings until this responsibility subsides. I calculated I have about 6 months of runway, maybe more if I'm extremely frugal. Doc's prognosis say my dad could have several weeks before he passes but that's what the docs also said 3 months ago.


Each day, I'm leaning more towards quitting as I'm so ingulfed in his care and the sleepless nights it takes to tend to him. But I'm fearful of the job market in our industry. I'd hate for me to run through all my savings, and not have a job lined up when I can get back to normal performance.


Anyone else go through something like this? Or any general thoughts/advice?

What would you do?

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19
TennisandSales
Politicker
6
Head Of Sales
what have your conversations with your employer been about this?
If you havnt talked to them. Do it.
Even if they tell you that you cant take anymore time off or something at least you know. Best case they surprise you and give you the flexibility.

I cant imagine how hard it is to care for a parent at the end or their life, I would also hate for you to quit your job and stuggle to get another one without having clarity from your current employer about what their thoughts are.


even if you just phone it in and dont do anything and make them fire you at least you would get a severance.

I wouldn't quit. but, again i really have never gone through what you are doing so its hard to provide a suggestion.
CalTechGuy
Good Citizen
2
Account Executive
I should have mentioned that I'm on PIP and have another 1.5 months to get my numbers up.
I've had multiple discussions with leadership and probably sound like a broken record. They've always brought it back to my PTO balance. And they can't afford not to have me out as they paid for all these leads that I've already engaged.
Sticking it out so far has only set me back further on my already overloaded pipeline. They run a tight operation here and the workload is higher than other typical roles/companies. We're given a ton of opportunities/leads, which is great under normal circumstances. But it's currently the bane of my existence. This role/company is the type that demands overtime to keep up, but I'm already in overdrive from the care responsibilities.

I'm going to meet with them again today to ask about taking a short stent of unpaid time off. That way I can keep the job, and hopefully be able to come back once this is all done. If I don't hear any flexibility to make this work, I may either quit or wait until I'm fired. But that thought is such a hard pill to swallow as I've never performed so badly, or been fired. It sucks seeing my recent numbers come in poorly when I know I could do so much better. But tis life..
TennisandSales
Politicker
4
Head Of Sales
damn this is brutal. very sorry you are having to deal with this.
I would make them fire you. i think that will work out best for you.

Also, you have a very legit story to tell future employers about this role and what happened. anyone should be able to empathize with you.
pirate
Big Shot
0
Account Executive
That's really horrible. Honestly I'd just ride it out and wait for employer to fire you. If they do so, I would burn all bridges privately and publicly.
tulip22
Good Citizen
6
AE
don't quit--make them fire you and you can apply of unemployment, it won't be the same amount of money as your FT salary but it's something while you care for your parent.
Filth
Tycoon
5
Live Filthy or Die Clean
I like @tulip22 opinion here and I would start putting the resume out NOW so even as your priority #1 is with your family member, you can lay some ground work and get ahead of the standard hiring timeline in the world today.
Family first with limited remaining time. Your on a pip already, assume you're on borrowed time and start looking to the future today.
jefe
Arsonist
0
🍁
100%. Quit and you get nothing.

Any future employer will be understanding, and if they're not? Fuck 'em. You don't want to work with them.

I'm truly sorry you're going through this
noname123
Politicker
4
noname
First and foremost. I am sorry to hear about this. Must be awful.
Second. If your company treats you like shit and can’t help you during tough times, do the same back. Work maybe 1-2 hr a day. Just keep getting paid and enjoy the time remaining with your old man. If in a state you get paid for PTO when you leave or fired, don’t use PTO, just put in the bare minimum. Always family first. This company proved to you they’re a pile.
Pachacuti
Politicker
3
They call me Daddy, Sales Daddy
Do you feel comfortable enough with the company to go to them and talk to them about? This isn’t a decision you need to make on your own. And if it’s for the best that you leave, they may be able to help with Unemployment Benefits, etc.

We all go through tough times and if it’s a company you like, you don’t want to burn the bridge through poor performance.
CalTechGuy
Good Citizen
3
Account Executive
Thanks for all the replies here. I had the meeting with leadership, we made an arrangement. And I'm NOT quitting! At this point I'm at peace with whatever happens with work so long as I can be there for my dad.
PissBoy
Valued Contributor
0
CSM
Atta boy! Let them fire you and file unemployment. Enjoy the days you have and take time for yourself
FinanceEngineer
Politicker
2
Sr Director, sales and partnerships
Make them fire you. If you can do the job, then they have to pay to leave them alone. You can always spend the $400 and send a demand letter for more post being let go.
Sunbunny31
Arsonist
2
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
I’m so very sorry. It is so hard to lose your father. I am so glad for both of you that he has you. I’m sure having you is a comfort. If you haven’t engaged hospice, my advice is to consider it. They were invaluable for my mother when my father died.

Regarding the job, if they cannot help out or grant you leave, let them fire you so you get unemployment. When you are ready and can interview, you have a solid reason for any performance issues. How could you not be distracted?

I am so very sorry.

CalTechGuy
Good Citizen
1
Account Executive
Thank you for the kind words. He's on home hospice now, and they're giving me a ton of support and resources. Not enough to cover round the clock care, but enough to keep me sane, and my dad comfortable.
Sunbunny31
Arsonist
0
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
I’m glad you have that support. They really helped our family. I was with my mother + father 1 day/week for the last three months of his life. It was very hard, but I also do not regret it. I know you are a huge comfort to him.
pipelinecures
Personal Narrative
1
Enterprise Account Executive
I’m sorry about your situation. Couldn’t imagine trying to do what you are doing. If your company isn’t understanding, it’s not a company you want to stay at. I agree with everyone else, let them fire you and take the unemployment and run. Consult with Dan Goodman on LinkedIn see if he has any advice as well.
1
Retired Sales Professional
Tough situation, but I'm pretty sure your dad was a good dad because I don't think you would be doing this if he wasn't. These are his last days so my advice take or leave it, is to give your father the gift of you being there for him 100%. Jobs are a dime a dozen but your dad isn't. Make him feel as loved and protected as he made you feel perhaps when you were growing up. I wish you all the best with your decision.
MeowMeow
Politicker
1
Director of Sales
I share a similar situation with you. Your job does not care about you or the situation you are in. Do not quit but do not sacrifice your health to give them any more than you already have. Be with your family as much as possible and mentally disconnect from your work because they are eventually going to fire you anyhow. If they fire you, it is easier to get unemployment, which isn't much but will provide a bit of a buffer from your savings taking a direct hit.

Document whenever you need to be away from work via email and save all of it. It's all easier said than done. I'm sorry you are going through this right now.
CalTechGuy
Good Citizen
1
Account Executive
I'm sorry to hear about your situation as well. It's one of the toughest things to go through, and nothing prepares you for it.
If there's one piece of advice I would give to anyone who foresees the potential of taking care of a loved one for end-of-life (especially home-hospice), make sure your company is FMLA qualified. That right there would have changed this whole ordeal.
MeowMeow
Politicker
0
Director of Sales
You are spot on. I left a company with a great understanding of my situation and FMLA paperwork in place. I went to startup who said they would be accommodating but too small to officially cover FMLA. I’m now unemployed but they fired me because I refused to quit. It wasn’t due to my performance and needed time off but some of these startups are absolutely brutal.

Keep your head up and don’t forget to take time for you every once in a while even if it’s 15 minutes. You need it and you deserve it.
PissBoy
Valued Contributor
0
CSM
Dude I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. That being said DO NOT QUIT. Make them fire you and collect unemployment, it will take some of the stress off. Most importantly when all this is said and done please take some time to yourself to recalibrate
GTMLeader
Good Citizen
0
GTM Leader
Sorry you are going through this. I second the comments about letting them terminate you. The unemployment will help. I take it they have less than 50 employees, hence the no FMLA.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
0
🦊
Friend, my heart breaks for you. ❤
15

My boss wants me to quit but I want to get fired and collect unemployment, any tips? LOL

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