The War Room

Venting: my brother just ruined my wife’s birthday get together

Summary of the evening: it was my wife's birthday. My family got together. We all we're having fun.

While playing a board game, my brother pipes up out of nowhere: "Obama isn't actually black. He's biracial. Race is nothing but genetics." And a million other random Fox News esque talking points.

I tried arguing with him for a little bit, literally only trying to make the point: "Race isn't JUST genetics. It's also history and culture and other things." He begins flipping out.

We move on. Keep playing the board game. He brings it back up several more times. My older brother tries to talk rationally to him / figure out why he's talking about it in the first place. My idiot brother keeps escalating.

I eventually am so pissed that I got up, slammed my first on the table, and asked him to stop being a fucking child.

My very conservative family is shocked to hear me cuss and have an outburst of anger. My wife and I very awkwardly leave.Β 

Thanks for ruining the night bro. I'm hindsight I should have just urged us all to ignore him. But fuck that was annoying as hell.
🐱 Off-Topic
Solutions Consultant
You can pick your friends and you can pick you nose.... Can't pick your family though. 🀷
WR Officer
Master of Disaster
People like that don’t want to be reasoned with. They’re like the drunk assholes in the bar looking for a fight.Β 

I would have point blank asked him why he felt it so important to bring up, and why it was relevant to your wife’s birthday event. I’m sure that would be met with some more garbage talking points, but you just gotta get to the Β *why* . Was he feeling insecure? Is he having trouble in his own relationships? You know, like when couples fight about doing the dishes, it’s never really about the dishes.

All of that is assuming you want to put in the effort. Kicking him out is also a valid option.Β 

Your β€œvery conservative family” was probably shocked at the delivery, but you had every right to be upset that he was making the night about him and not the reason for the gathering - your wife. Selfish prick!Β 
WR Officer
Senior Account Executive
Yuck. He was looking for drama. Next time ignore it and move on. Make him starve.
AE of B2B
This is why for every family gathering I have a set of discovery questions in my back pocket so I can always get to my desired next steps (which often times is leaving when I want to/planned to). The important part is identifying the key decision makers which is usually Dad and he picks the best topics for discussion. Though on a serious note this really sucks that you had to deal with this. I have people in my family with differing opinions and whenever someone brings up an insensitive or bigoted discussion topic I do my best to politely shut it down as there is enough negativity in this world already. As @feedthekids said, you can’t pick your family. I hope that everyone can be open and upfront with each other and find a common point of some sort of rational empathy. Tough times out there these days.
Chief Revenue Officer
Is this a usual topic of conversation? Is your bro the type who's always chasing attention (sounds like it).Β  Bummer the good time was ruined, but knowing the type -- the more you feed into it, the more he will continue it.Β Β 
I completely agree, don't feed the beast!
BDR - Enterprise and Partnerships
I empathize with you, my friend. Not to get too personal/political, but my mom is similar to your brother. Very fringe right wing beliefs, the type you can imagine in regards to vaccines/politics etc. It's hard to listen to the things she listens to(views similar to your brothers). All I can say is ignore all you can until you can't anymore. It really sucks sometimes, but all you can really do is let go of the things you can't control and like you did, awkwardly leave.Β 
Sales Executive
I usually just keep saying "I know, right?" until they run out of things to say. Β Regardless of which way their political thoughts lean.
Intergalactic Sales Director
When dipshits want to scream in my face that 2 + 2 = 5, I simply agree with them, its much less stressful all around.Β Β 
I miss my work wife... πŸ‘«
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