Four score and a bunch of years ago, our forefathers told the British that they were starting their own company with their own prospects and a new, sleeker, robustier platform (that still had the exact same colors). The British were pissed, but when the forefathers - or coparents - created America, sales went through the roof. People in Boston were hitting quota by day and throwing tea ragers by night and very quickly this ragtag startup turned into a money-making behemoth that finally went public in 1776. There would be ups and downs in America's history, but one thing has held true: we always have the right to be an idiot and blow off our fingers with fireworks. There is nothing more American than that.
In a similar story, @AgastyaAdams finished at the top of the leaderboard this week after blowing up their in-laws house with $6,000 worth of fireworks they imported from China. The explosion was heard round the neighboring counties but there was so much destruction that all the evidence was destroyed and Gasty was able to flee to a safe house for the time being.
1. AgastyaAdams ........554 points
@TennisandSales secured second place this week after leading a Rock, Flag, and Eagle parade right down Main St. Unfortunately, most of the eagles flew away as soon as the parade started and then it was just rocks and flags which confused most of the parade attendees. "I thought it was real cool when the eagles flew away, but I don't for the life of me know why they had to carry those rocks?" Jill, 58, America. @TennisandSales responded by saying "it's a metaphor, JILL!" and then flashed his $25 gift card for 2nd place on the leaderboard. Jill had no comeback to that.
2. TennisandSales .......489 points
And lastly we have @braintank . Unlike most Americans on July 4th, this one has a brain. Fortunately, it's kept in a far away tank so it can't interfere with all of the fun ideas that the weekend had in store. For example, going to @TennisandSales parade, stealing one of the eagles, riding it over that endless skyway and seeing below that golden valley. Truly this land was made for @braintank . (Editor's note: The eagle never stopped flying and have no idea where @braintank is right now.)
3. braintank .................297 points
Thank you again to all those who've posted, commented, talked a little shit and encouraged others with kind words. Happy Murca and have some fun on those phones this week.
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