Since the dawn of time, man has been fascinated with gold. Whether it be Hernan Cortes and Francisco Pizarro and their simultaneous searches for the lost city of “El Dorado”, or the Egyptian Pharaohs initial discovery of the precious metal, a moment so great that they named the lands “Nubia” which is the Ancient Egyptian word for gold, gold has been at the forefront of humankind’s collective consciousness.
As we move forward to modern times, wars have been fought, expeditions launched, and many a bloodlust has been spawned over this seemingly innocuous, shiny, and malleable metal.
Gold now pervades our lives, and is seen as a true symbol of wealth, elegance, and taste(which I will get to shortly). From the phones we carry to the jewelry we wear and the currency we use that was once backed by it, gold stands above all else as King.
But this leads me into my topic at hand: Gold, greenhouse gas emissions, the environment, and TASTE.
In this day and age, not only do we rely on gold in our day to day lives, but even in some more… unexpected places. Dubbed “The Mjölnir of Ice Cream Tasting”, gold spoons are what allow you the purest of taste. You see, typical metals have many impurities that leave an aftertaste on everything we eat, something I'm sure many of us notice but block from our minds. In this instance, like many others, gold shines through as the guiding light in the darkness.
“But WCK, what ever does this have to do with greenhouse gas emissions and the environment?!” you might ask. Fret not, dear savage, but crack open an ice cold Coors Light and gather round as I lead you on a journey to a new world.
You see, upon researching more into gold, and gold spoons(key!) for tasting, my mind began to wander. And upon @paddy's post regarding the Gartner quadrant, brilliance struck! We all here are in sales, and many in sales tend to partake in Dominican disco dust, Peruvian party powder, Colombian chooch, the well-loved drug that is cocaine.
But! We all here are well aware of the changing world in which we live, and the emphasis on addressing Global Warming is clear! We MUST cut down on greenhouse gas emissions, we MUST save our environment, and we MUST all do our part!
Yes my friends, I see in your wide eyes that confusion is still present. “WCK, this is all true, but how does gold AND cocaine tie into this?!” Simple, my little chiquitas. Plastic straws.
The bane of every tortoise’ existence, plastic straws feature heavily in every AE’s arsenal, along with a special mirror and an AMEX black card to cut the lines. But we savages are adults of utmost taste, and straws diminish the lovely kerosene drip and pupil dilating rush from each toot, each line, each hit of that lovely white powder.
And as such, why SHOULD we use straws? Why SHOULD we ruin every single fun moment we partake in with abnormalities that lead to diminished return. We settle for nothing but the best. And the best is gold.
Gold spoons for those mid-meeting bumps. Gold straws for those client intro meetings, to showcase your elegance and to allow them to truly taste for the first time all that is good in this world, and gold paraphernalia to SAVE. OUR. PLANET.
Why settle for anything but the best?