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Why You Should Be Tipping Your CEO with Money - A Response to Dan Price

I keep seeing posts about CEO's discussing why "they work for their employees and need to keep them happy." I'm here to tell you that's a bunch of malarkey. You want to get ahead and climb the corporate ladder the correct way? Tip your CEO some money.


It’s 2021 people. Baked good are no longer considered a good gift. Everyone, yes even the CEO, would prefer cash.


They are the CEO. The company leader. Much like a car, they constantly need to be refueled with cash to support their opulent lifestyles and questionable habits. The minute they can’t enjoy themselves, the company ceases to function.


Think of it this way: you win a big hand at the casino. Are you going to leave your dealer out to dry? Of course not, you slide them a couple big ones for putting you in a position to succeed. Same goes for your weekly paycheck.


It fosters healthy workplace competition while simultaneously incentivizing harder work. White IT and HR seldom cross paths, Deborah and Rajesh will now be competing to see who brings in the larger bills. Rajesh sees Debbie slip out an Andrew Jackson, Rajesh reacts by pulling out a Benjamin Harrison (those are $20 and $50 bills for those of you who are too poor to carry them around). Rajesh and Debbie are now at odds to work extra hours to make up for their personal budget they exceeded this month. Do you see I’m doing here?


CEO’s are people too. They get hungry. They run out of gas. They lean on bail bonds for false accusations under strange circumstances. Wouldn’t it be nice if they were stuck in a jib and the only thing that could save them was that crisp Harrison you offered them at the polo club?


Residual income is crucial to a CEO. While they typically earn profits from company equity, they are prone to heavy fluctuation based on company aka YOUR performance. Would really be a shame if he had to throw Hector from finance under the bus at the next shareholders meeting because Vlad from accounting gave a more generous tip at the company Christmas party.


-paddy


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