Week: 8 (skipped posting 7)

Previous week: https://bravado.co/war-room/posts/big-meech-s-onboarding-journal-week-6

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Gather round, yonder Knights of Coors, for another installment of "how the fuck do I onboard remotely - featuring Big Meech".

This week consisted of a live virtual training with all new hires in my class. Not just sales, there were SEs, Marketing, BD, etc. It was actually refreshing to network and speak with other new hires, because this was really the first time I could benchmark my understanding of the product and messaging against other people in my hiring class.

Up until this point I had no idea if I was retaining enough, too little, or nothing at all. As it turns out, I retained a shit ton and more often than not ended up in a leadership role in the breakout activities. Some people still actually had no idea what we did and how we did it.

But, not the good times would not last.

Everything was fine until the Enablement Nation attacked.

Tuesday afternoon, we get told we will be presenting a whiteboarding on Thursday to graduate this phase of onboarding. Some people had been told in advance, but I had somehow been left off that comms chain. So on Tuesday I get to see the script/prompt for the first time and let me tell you I full on shit myself.

I needed to do a 20 minute architecture walk through (on my whiteboard) of the prospects current stack, challenges with it, and then draw our proposed way of doing it and why it is better. Any of you AEs out there know that anytime we have to talk for more than 10 minutes straight without asking a prospect a question, things start to feel awkward. Especially when those 20 minutes of talking are related to technical architectures we normally zone out for when our SEs present.

I ran over to my trusty intern Pasqual, let him out of the cage, and told him to start brewing a full pot of coffee every hour on the dot until I either suffered a massive heart attack or told him to stop. Unfortunately, Pasqual could not keep up and perished around the 40 hour mark, as he himself could not partake in the coffee consumption, as he was still an SDR and not a closer.

For the next 50 hours, I probably slept a combined total of 4 hours or so, drank maybe 17 cups of coffee and resorted back to my college cramming days. I was NOT going to be the one new hire that didn't pass this, regardless of my disadvantage due to the comms error.

Thursday morning rolls around, and my zombie ass delivers the best whiteboarding San Francisco has ever seen. Had this been a pitch meeting for A16Z, ya boy would have been handed a blank check. My preso was so good, those wanna be LI sales influencers shook as they felt a disturbance in the Force. A new King had risen to power.

Once we wrapped the session at noon yesterday, I shotgunned 3 ice cold Coors Lights and then passed out until roughly 7pm.

I'm not going to put a breakdown of the activities and times this week because honestly I have no idea exactly how long I did anything, I transcended time and space.

"Thy Knights of Coors shalt always giveth thy best effort, regardless of thou circumstances. Coffee is for thou closers of legend" - Sir Funnel in the Book of Refreshment, Chapter 4, Verse 20.

🛩 Onboarding

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