Should I be sorry?

I work in a tech start up with constant changes and tons of turnover. For additional context, I am one of the longest standing employees and I’ve been with the company for about a year.


A major benefit to troopin’ it in the start up trenches is that I have already been promoted — which is awesome.


However, due to the turnover and also because I’m a top performer I was somehow sucked into dueling between my old role and my new one — aka more work for less money.


I am a team player and don’t always mind the opportunity for extra commissions but I also care very much about maintaining my exemplary performance which has already began to suffer.


As many know, start up culture does come with its own set of challenges. In this case, on top of staying on top of my leads and maintaining the same sales cycle that I’ve already been doing, I have been getting a ton of assignments in my new role without any form of training what so ever.


I am super self sufficient so I don’t mind doing a bit of my own leg work, the problem is that between both roles, all my tasks are already taking up my personal time outside business hours, so there is really no time for self development.


To follow up with more downfalls, there is a general lack of communication between departments, my direct team has not been supplying sufficient support for me to make a full transition if I wanted to, and they did give me a 10% pay increase but it’s still $10k short of the average base for my position.


I had asked for more money before starting the position but was turned down because they claimed I lacked experience. In reality I have done this exact role before— only in a different industry than Saas.


I like my job and agree that I have a lot to learn still, so my boss and I negotiated that my bonus structure would make up for the salary gap (corny, I know) & they asked me to just let them crunch some numbers. Full disclosure, it has been over a month and I am still waiting on those numbers.


I understand that with the good comes the bad and my boss has been incredibly busy, and also had some time off recently so they weren’t even in the office, but I pretty much got to my boiling point today and unloaded it all on my boss & let’s just say it got a little heated.


I was definitely assertive when making my points, and there were a few points we touched on that aren’t mentioned in the post for the sake of time and space.


However, I kept getting more fired up as the conversation continued because at some of the points I made, my boss would came back at me almost equally as charged with a defense & ended up making a few comments that provoked me to be more reactive than I had planned. (Meaning his delivery wasn’t all that great either)


By the end of the conversation we came to an understanding and some of my main concerns are being immediately addressed with a road map to resolute the other issues mentioned. I also want to make a note that I really do like my job, my role(s), and don’t care to leave at this point if it’s not absolutely necessary.


Everything I addressed was completely valid but my female colleague told me that I was rude and should apologize for my delivery. On the contrary, a male colleague told me I have nothing to be sorry for and that men dhave similar conversations all the time and get rewarded or labeled as “assertive”, whereas women get labeled as “bitchy” or “rude”.


Now I am unsure if I should be sorry or not. Of course I don’t want to be overtly rude to my boss, and definitely don’t want bad blood, but my arguments were all valid and in the end it seems like I am getting what I want which is more money, more training, and more support from my team.


Should I apologize?

Have you ever gone head to head with your boss?

Attached poll
*Voting in this poll no longer yields commission.
😤 Conflict Resolution
🧠 Advice
😳 Ethics
15
CuriousFox
WR Officer
7
🦊
I keep those conversations factual and calm. Emotion gets you nowhere. 
jefe
Arsonist
1
🍁
Very true, unfortunately easier said than done, especially with some really hardheaded managers..
CuriousFox
WR Officer
4
🦊
Oh I understand. I take a moment to remind myself it gets me nowhere though.
jefe
Arsonist
1
🍁
That’s all we can really do. Unfortunately the type of manager that this happens with is often the kind of person that makes one want to lose their shit
UrAssIsSaaS
Arsonist
7
SaaS Eater
Debated whether or not I wanted to read this whole thing. TLDR for those that are in the same position:

@saassi got into a heated convo with their boss because their workload is increasing and they are not paid enough.

Now for my input:
Much easier said then done, but never have this convos when youre heated, emotions make everyone do dumb shit (not saying you said/did anything dumb) but youre much less likely to get the outcome you are looking for here.

You clearly like your job and want to win, FU with your boss once its all calmed down, get on the same page with next steps and very clear asks on the support you need and the salary market range for your position/responsibilities. This can still end up as a positive for you if you handle it correctly from here on out. 
saassi
Opinionated
3
Sales, Operations, and Account Management
Appreciate you for the recap & the advice!! 

Short follow-up (I promise) --- I took ownership of my poor delivery today when we spoke again. My boss told me that  having been in my shoes before, they understood where I was coming from. Also, not to be sorry & that they're going to bat for me to get a base salary increase to match the average base pay for my new role.

To anyone reading, I am lucky because not all bosses will share that sentiment in the future, so definitely follow the others' advice about being calm should you find yourself in my position. 
bandabanda
Tycoon
0
Senior AE Mid Market
Good for you following up and going with your gut. And yeah, you’re very lucky to have this type of manager sounds like. I hope everything you asked for actually comes through.

Well done!
bandabanda
Tycoon
0
Senior AE Mid Market
Beautiful recap 😆
Sunbunny31
Politicker
3
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
Head to head, yes, but as calm and data driven as possible.  It's not easy, but essential to remain as even-keeled as you can.
saassi
Opinionated
0
Sales, Operations, and Account Management
In hindsight, I probably should have waited until I calmed down a bit to speak with him -- which I normally do, but everything had been bottled up because he was basically absent for almost 2 weeks. I reached out because I wanted to address what was happening before the workload got any worse. After sleeping on it, I decided I want to clear the air. My frustration was clear, but I am hoping that the conversation came off more as a reflection of my passion for success and how much I care about my job, and not a reflection of personal feelings because there really is no bad blood... at least not on my end.
TennisandSales
Politicker
3
Head Of Sales
damn. i wish I had the attention span to read this whole thing....
bandabanda
Tycoon
1
Senior AE Mid Market
Urass summed it up nicely above haha
saassi
Opinionated
0
Sales, Operations, and Account Management
LOL! Yeah, I am a yapper...
braintank
Politicker
2
Enterprise Account Executive
Expand on this: "By the end of the conversation we came to an understanding and some of my main concerns are being immediately addressed with a road map to resolve the other issues mentioned."

What did they agree to?

As to fighting with your boss, it's generally not a good idea to raise your voice at any coworker. However, sometimes things get heated.

Personally I've never got into a shouting match with my boss.
saassi
Opinionated
0
Sales, Operations, and Account Management
I think shouting might be a bit of a stretch, it was more like talking with attitude (or saas if we feel like being funny about it). 

My male colleague said it sounded assertive, my female colleague said it sounded rude. Neither of them are competition so there is no malice in either opinion. (I am a woman for the record).

It just makes me wonder if the females opinion is convoluted because she’s a woman and conditioned to think standing up for yourself is wrong  because it’s better to “go with the grain” or be liked.  

On the other hand, the male did his masters thesis on the wage gap and studied this logic in detail, so maybe his opinion is also tainted. 

I like being liked, but I do a damn good job at work and know it. I also don’t feel the need to be liked by anyone at my job besides my prospects and accounts as far as I am concerned. I am also historically very well-liked by all former colleagues and have always been labeled as easy to work with. 

As for the roadmap — there is a solid training structure in place now with regular meetings with my boss starting tomorrow, he has already emailed our department about process changes to lighten some of my work load in my old role and new role. 

I also should mention that my new role is also a new department that isn’t even developed yet, so I am essentially building it from scratch so he did say that he still needs to run some numbers to figure out a bonus structure but will give me the option between flat rate or percentage based on whichever I think is more fair.

He also said that he was going to get me the salary I want, which is probably my main pain point because I am not asking for an inflated amount, I am just asking to be paid fairly for the role I was promoted to which I think I deserve. 
braintank
Politicker
2
Enterprise Account Executive
How many customers do y'all have? 
saassi
Opinionated
0
Sales, Operations, and Account Management
We have around ~5k active accounts and growing 
LoneMaverick
Executive
1
Strategic Account Leader
Gone head to head with my boss’ boss. New VP coming in trying to shake things up. Most toxic leader I’ve ever seen, everyone has one foot out the door.
saassi
Opinionated
1
Sales, Operations, and Account Management
Sorry to hear that! Do you think that the new VP is just trying to mark his territory in a way?  I hope things smooth out over time and if not, that you are led to a better opportunity in the end!
Pachacuti
Politicker
1
They call me Daddy, Sales Daddy
You can’t let emotion rule you. You might win some battles but you’ll lose the war.
saassi
Opinionated
1
Sales, Operations, and Account Management
Very true!! Not making moves based on my emotions is something I have been working on for a long time, but clearly have yet to master. I also haven't been meditating daily because I have been so busy, so this is a good reminder that sometimes I need to just slow it down and take deep breaths.
sugardaddy
Politicker
0
🍬
Be sorry? 
Hell no – Your story is pretty similar to one of mine. I couldn't wait a whole month or so for a new comp plan, bonus scruture, somethings need to get done right away. 
SADNESSLieutenant
Politicker
0
Officer of ♥️
Never be sorry for wanting whats best for your career. A manager who doesn't care about your income/career development doesn't show OR value you. You should have a very clearly defined roadmap to your next promotion in writing and signed.

Ie. x meets/revenue/closes/ months hitting quota, then FORSURE x promotion.

Run from companies or managers who dont do this.