HVACexpert profile picture
HVACexpert profile picture

HVACexpert

sales engineer

Politicker
Catalyst
Valued Contributor
+8

AITA (Am I the asshole?)

so I switched companies about 4.5 years ago.  got a great offer I couldn't refuse.  the company I was leaving had a great leader I looked up to and who mentored me.  but when I left he basically stopped returning my phone calls.  I had invited him to my wedding even, but after I switched not only did he not come, he didn't even RSVP.

I am at a different company now, but it just so happens I work in conjunction with this old company.  I saw this person at an event and it seemed like he was avoiding me.  Am I the asshole here for continuing to be frustrated about it and upset and thinking he'll be the bigger person? am I obsessing?  would anyone here do it the same as he did it?  I have other mentors who kept in touch and confused to support me after I left.  I guess it was just so disappointing, he was such a supporter and a major reason for my success early on in my career.  and now it kind of puts a damper on things I am working on with this old company.

What do i do?

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30 comments

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SportsSalesGuy
Tycoon
9
Enterprise Account Executive
Talk to him and bury the hatchet. He is kinda acting like a baby though I must say and this is definitely more on him. You seem to have made the effort many times. You leaving didn't really affect him financially or professionally (I'm assuming) and you made the move for a better opportunity to grow in your career and better your life. Don't understand his reasoning for acting this way. If he really was your mentor and really cared about you he wouldn't be acting salty and butt hurt this way. He should've been proud and happy for you.
Maximas
Tycoon
3
Senior Sales Executive
I second this.
youngsmoky
Celebrated Contributor
1
Senior Account Executive
Agreed! If he was helping you and expecting something from you in return, he was never being a good guy.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
8
🦊
Live your life boo boo. Nothing you say will help. This is on him. Move forward.
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
3
☕️
I dunno. Sometimes people get in their feelings because they feel like you abandoned them and didn’t tell you how important your presence was. I’d talk to the bloke, but if he acts like a baby back bitch then it’s to the curb.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
2
🦊
I see your point. You are much better than the 🦊
HVACexpert
Politicker
2
sales engineer
It wasn’t about me feeling abandoned I can tell you that, after I left I wrote a hand written thank you note to him basically saying how much he meant to me professionally (I did for a couple others too) since I was at this company for 7 years. Still no response.
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
1
☕️
Oh, I meant he felt abandoned.
Sunbunny31
Politicker
1
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
Sounds like you've already tried to clear the air.
RandyLahey
Politicker
1
Account Executive
Sounds like they're bitter...
Filth
Politicker
7
Live Filthy or Die Clean
I've found that most people in leadership positions are more childish than other employees b/c they don't get told "No" and aren't used to compromising or not being right all the time. Not on you to teach this guy how regular life works and how to function in it. I'm sure he's the victim of an disillusioned egregious personal slight by you doing what was best for you. Move on.
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
4
☕️
Be a grown adult and face issues head on. Life is too short to be petty with the people we respect and look up to.
antiASKHOLE
Tycoon
4
Bravado's Resident Asshole
Bury the hatchet. While it does suck when things like this happen, he no longer has a financial vested interest in you or your success. That is a main motivator the majority of the time. Things will not be the same as the were before, but confronting the issues or stories you have in your head and setting them straight with facts will help.
sugardaddy
Politicker
3
🍬
You could do two things here.
1. Ask him what the fuzz is about and why he's acting like that, maybe he'll open up and tell you what's going on.

2. Fuck him! MOVE ON!
1nbatopshotfan
Politicker
3
Sales
This dude def burns athletes jerseys when they switch teams for more money. Move on. This dude sounds toxic.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
3
🦊
AF
TennisandSales
Politicker
2
Head Of Sales
If it was me i would probably try to talk to him. Maybe not being everything up but at least try to make contact. Especially if you will keep seeing him at events.
Fenderbaum
Politicker
2
Retired Choirboy🪕
He was your mentor, not your owner.

Move on.
Pachacuti
Politicker
2
They call me Daddy, Sales Daddy
Why do you care? Let it be awkward for him, not you.
RandyLahey
Politicker
2
Account Executive
I think the reason you are still mulling this over shows that you have a conscience, and that you did not receive any closure.
Without closure, we're left with speculation. Sadly, you'll never quite understand their motives until you have said conversation.
In the meantime, if an opportunity comes up, talk the high road and talk to them. They could be dealing with feelings of abandonment, disappointment, etc.
Life is too short - I would move on, and if they realize their mistake and reach out then have that conversation.
Good luck!
Diablo
Politicker
1
Sr. AE
You will meet mix of people always, I am sure you have good memories with other people but these bad memories shadow the good ones. Move on
Kosta_Konfucius
Politicker
1
Sales Rep
I would move on, if he doesn't turn your calls. I dont even know how you can talk to him. Act like a crazy ex and call more?
Sunbunny31
Politicker
1
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
2, and then 1 if 2 doesn't work out.
Try to talk to him, but at this point, if nothing works, time to move on.
FinanceEngineer
Politicker
1
Sr Director, sales and partnerships
Pleasantries are needed, just be the normal person and if he is weird, than Irma his fault. It will always be his fault, and now you have it. For all you know, someone could have lied about you to him. Just be you.
Justatitle
Big Shot
1
Account Executive
If it's not getting to him don't give him the satisfaction of being annoyed at you for leaving.
thestartupsaasfella
Member
1
Vice President of Sales
You can't control people's emotions. Only yourself. This person seems to have shown their true colors. I would suggest you just have to move on, which is easier said than done. Don't let them eat up brain space, it will only be negative for you. This sounds like one of those - shrug it off, be at peace and grateful to them for your early career help, and just be polite/kind if/when you bump into them. If they are not professional/polite back - there is nothing you can do. Just smile and keep moving. I have had mentors who were important to me stop answering my calls/emails. It hurts, but you learn from it and grow.
TheQueenofDiamonds
Politicker
1
Account Executive
You are not an a$$ole, in fact you are super sweet for wanting to mend your past relationships.
Seem to me like it's his loss more than anything
detectivegibbles
Politicker
1
Sales Director
He's got bigger issues going on if he can't be civil with you and wish you the best in life.
GingerBarbarian
Opinionated
0
Lead Sales
Try one more time and then walk away. Try a simple message calling him out.
"Hey man, it felt like you were avoind me a bit at the _____. Are you stillupset with me about leaving? You were such a major part of my career and I would love to clear the air."
Address it head on. If he still does not respond fuck him
Hottubtimemachine
Good Citizen
0
Director of Business Development
It took me a LONG time to realize that work friends is NOT equal to real friends. Once in a while that crossover occurs. However, most people who are friendly to you at work will easily dismiss that friendship once the work association is gone.

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