Gasty

War Room Community Manager

Notable Contributor

Celebrated Contributor

Book Notes: Never Split The Difference (Chapter 1)

I discovered Chris Voss' Never Split the Difference through the War Room. Not only it's one of the best books I've ever read (and I've read a decent number of books in life), it's an absolute gem in terms of non-repetitive, rich and practical content.

Almost applicable in every sphere of life: career / relationship / parenting / and of course: sales. Every single chapter can be a mini-book in itself. So, I thought I'd start making notes of each chapter and share it here for those who either:

Haven't read the book
Needed a refresher of it
Wanted a concise summary of the book

Here's a 2 pager synopsis of Chapter 1: The New Rules

P.S.: planning to share 9 more summaries for the next 9 chapters over the next 9 weeks.

Files Attached

Never_Split_The_Difference (Chapter 1).pdf

🤘 Personal Growth

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10 comments

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CuriousFox

WR Officer

5

🦊

A popular choice indeed.

Gasty

Notable Contributor

2

War Room Community Manager

thanks god for that, might not have discovered it otherwise

antiASKHOLE

Tycoon

2

Bravado's Resident Asshole

Thanks for the summary. This is MUCH better than a post about "what book do you recommend". Useful stuff and a great reminder.

SADNESSLieutenant

Politicker

2

Officer of ♥️

That's whatsup, love this idea -

For those too lazy to click into the PDF --

Never Split The DifferenceChapter 1 - The New RulesNegotiation Conversation #1

Scene: Chris Voss enters Harvard Law School to take a short executive negotiating course.

Enter the Room: Robert Mnookin (Harvard Law Professor, Author of Bargaining with the Devil) & Gabriella Blum (Specialist in International Negotiations, armedconflict, counterterrorism)

Harvard- “We’ve got your son, Voss. Give us 1 million dollars or he dies”Harvard- “I’m the kidnapper. What are you going to do C’mon. Get me the money or I cut your son’s throat right now.”Voss- “How am I supposed to do that?”Harvard- "So you're okay with me killing your son, Mr Voss?”Voss- “I'm sorry, Robert, how do I know he's even alive?Voss- “I really am sorry, but how can I get you any money right now, much less $1Mn, if I don't even know he's alive?Harvard- "Bla Bla BLa”Voss- “Some variation of: How am I supposed to do that?”Learnings:

1. “How am I supposed to do that?”Shifts frame of the conversation entirelyBefore: How Voss would respond to the threat of his son’s murderNow: How the Harvard professor would deal with logistical issues in getting the money2. “I'm sorry, Robert, how do I know he's even alive?Apology + First NameSeeds warmth into the interactionThe question complicates their gambit, buys you time3. “I really am sorry, but how can I get you any money right now, much less $1Mn,if I don't even know he's alive?Calibrated or Open-Ended Question: Queries the other side can respond to but have no fixed answers for.It buys you time.It gives them the illusion of control. They’re the ones with the answers, with the power, and

*They have no idea about how constrained they are with it.

**Answering such calibrated questions can demand deep emotional strengths and tactical psychological insights that the toolbox people are given does notcontain.

💡 It’s a passive-aggressive approach. I just ask the same 3 to 4 open-ended questions over and over. They get work out answering and give meeverything I want.

💡 Without a deep understanding of human psychology, without the acceptance that we are all crazy, irrational, impulsive, emotionally drivenanimals, all raw intelligence and mathematical logic in the world is little help in the interplay of two people negotiating.

Revision of Daniel Kahneman’s System 1 and System 2:Man has 2 systems of thought:

1. System 1: Animal Mind - Fast, Instinctive, Emotional

2. System 2: Slow, Deliberative, Logical

💡 Influence of System 1 >>> Influence of System 2 Never Split The Difference 2Functioning:

System 1’s inchoate beliefs, feelings and impressions are the main source of the explicit beliefs and deliberate choices of

System 2.We react Emotionally (System 1) to a suggestion or question. Then, that System 1 reaction informs and in effect created the System 2 answer.Which means:If you know, how to affect your counterpart’s System 1 thinking…how to affect their inarticulate feelings… by how you frame and deliver your questions and statements…then you can guide their System 2 rationality… and therefore, modify their responses.

Gain skills to:1. Calm people down2. Establish rapport3. Gain trust4. Elicit the verbalisation of needs5. Persuade the other party of your empathy

💡 No matter how we dress up our negotiations in mathematical theories, we are always an animal, always acting and reacting first and foremostfrom our deeply held but mostly invisible and inchoate fears, needs, perceptions and desires.Most Primitive Universal Need

*People want to be UNDERSTOOD AND ACCEPTEDLISTENING is the cheapest and most effective concession we can make to get there.

By listening intensely, a negotiator demonstrates empathy and shows a sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing.

**Psychotherapy research shows when people feel listened to, they tend to:

1. Listen to themselves more carefully2. Openly evaluate and clarify their own thoughts and feelings3. Become less defensive4. More willing to listen to other points of view5. And hence, reach the calm, logical place where they can be good Getting to Yes problem solvers

💡 Listen to them, to help them figure it out on their own

💡 Listening is Not a Passive Activity. It is the most Active Thing you can do.

Tactical Empathy:Listening as a martial artBalancing the subtle behaviours of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influenceTo gain access to the mind of another person

💡 While the Ivy League taught math and economics, we became experts in Empathy. And our way worked.

I WANTThe majority of interactions we have at work and at home are negotiations that boil down to the expression of a simple, animalistic urge: “I want”.

I want you to free the hostagesI want you to accept that $1Mn contractI want to pay $20,000 for that carI want you to give me a 10% raiseI want you to go to sleep by 9 PM

💡 In this world, you can get what you ask for. You just have to Ask Correctly

Great notes sir. I too enjoyed and loved the book and listened to it a couple more times

Gasty

Notable Contributor

2

War Room Community Manager

Thanks yo. Watch out for 9 more chapters over the next 9 weeks.

Then, I'd be ready to become a monk.

SADNESSLieutenant

Politicker

1

Officer of ♥️

Kindof irrelevant but ‘think like a monk’ is a great book Id recommended

TennisandSales

Politicker

1

Head Of Sales

This is the most popular non sales book for sales that ive heard of haha.

thanks for sharing the chapter synopsis.

ThatNewAE

Big Shot

1

Account Executive - Mid enterprise

Quite helpful, thanks

GALACTIC

Politicker

1

Account Executive

Reading is hard - thanks for the coles notes

ilovemondays

Executive

1

Senior Account Executive

these notes are simply amazing. Kudos!

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