Colleague told on me for drinking beers at my desk

I'm sorry. I thought this was America?!? Telling on someone, especially a sales rep who uses beer as fuel, for drinking a beer at their desk is treasonous and deserves the death penalty. Since congress is useless and probably won't pass any legislation like this in my lifetime, I'm welcoming ideas for how to handle this. My guillotine is on back order so that's unfortunately not an option.

Any other ideas for torturing this coward?

-paddy