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Corporate/Sales Jargon you hate

I'll start. I'm certain we'll get some good ones:


"Ping me"- Why can't I just call/email/slack you? What the hell is a ping?


"Share/Deliver/Give Value" The most over-used and useless phrase in sales. It means nothing and makes me hurt inside


"Seamless/cutting edge/Innovative/Disruptive"- please God, take me now.


Any reference of "We are the UBER of x"- if you have to tell someone you're the uber of X, are you really?


Please pile on. I'm in the mood to complain today and this gives me a lever.

πŸ˜‚ Sales Humor
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😎 Sales Skills
3
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
up in Fiji, under paddy
Job ads or Linked In profiles that describe people as wizards/magicians/superheroes

I was prospecting recently and came across a company that had job titles on their website like:

Chief Nerd (CTO)
People Hero (HR Head)
Programming WizardΒ 

And so on. It made me want to punch whoever thought that was a good idea right in the face.Β 
Accidental_Sales_Guy
Politicker
+3
Account Executive
"We're building the plane in the air"

I get that we're figuring it out as we go, but a half-built plane is going down, not up.
thiccwoofer
Old School Bravo
Client Director
This is definitely not how planes work.
jwils
Politicker
+9
Team Lead
"Control the controllables," cop out management response.Β 
Cothrock
Opinionated
+4
Account Executive
Equally shitty "It is what it is"Β 
Salespreuner
Big Shot
+11
Regional Sales Director
LinkedIn headline : Jack of all trades /contents / bla blaπŸ™
1nbatopshotfan
Politicker
+5
Senior Director, Enterprise Technology
O this is a good one. Infuriating.Β 
Salespreuner
Big Shot
+11
Regional Sales Director
Oh yeah
Chep
WR Officer
+10
Business Development Team Lead
"High level conversations"

Rallier
Politicker
+9
Account Executive
Anything to do with "scalability". People just throw it around wherever now
CaneWolf
Politicker
+12
Call me what you want, just sign the damn contract
"Sell through it." Fuck you, fix the problem.
Ch
ChunkyButters
Politicker
+5
AE
"We have open APIs"
1nbatopshotfan
Politicker
+5
Senior Director, Enterprise Technology
β€œDouble click that” 
no, let’s discuss it more. No one has a mouse. We arent double clicking. This one drives me up a wall.Β 
10
Sales & Dating
Discussion
5
31
I hate Enterprise sales
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40
36
What Grinds Your Gears: Sales Edition
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61