Mjollnir

Account Executive

Valued Contributor

Dating life / talking stage with sales person

I have been talking to this guy (who's also in sales- longer than me)

And I've started to see how he doesn't let me in, for example as I'm asking a question he'd be very brief with his answers like he's scared that I'm doing needs analysis on him or something.

He approached me so I don't think he's not into me

He can be also very talkative when he wants to

but like...BRO do you want to build a relationship or nah?

I had a few times when I asked him something and he left me on read so I don't feel like asking too much but then the conversation grows cold again till god knows when

is he just intimidated by me or is he stupid?

Do you also find yourselves in a pickle of that sort?

did sales fuck all of us up in the ass?

tips on how to move forward, or sales tricks to make him spill the beans are welcome

also tell me if you were in a similar sitch and how did it got solved?

30

65 comments

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poweredbycaffeine

WR Lieutenant

42

☕️

Stop overanalyzing this shit and be an adult human being. Ask them if they're into you and want to give a relationship a real shot. If they aren't able to give you an answer, close-lost that shit and move on.

Yeah, I mixed in some sales motions there to make this more comfortable.

Mjollnir

Politicker

7

Account Executive

haha close lost

appreciate your feedback man

TheNegotiator

Arsonist

12

VP of Sales

Likely to be an extremely unpopular opinion, but that’s never stopped me before, so here the fuck goes.
.
I read a bunch of the comments here because I was interested to see what other people thought, before I responded.
.
I think you may be onto something. Sales didn’t fuck me up. I was fucked up before I got into sales. In fact, I got into sales because I was fucked up.
.
To cut the contextual bullshit, for a variety of reasons it’s difficult for me to open up, or be in anyway vulnerable. It gets harder everyday. Logic, and basic probability tells me I’ll probably be alone forever, as a result. There’s no point assigning blame, but these are the facts and this is my life.
.
Your boy here is stupid, just like I’m stupid. If the chemistry is there, and you’re not wrong, he probably wants something with you more than he’ll ever be able to admit.
.
But contrary to what everyone else here says, talking the assertive and direct path may not work. You have a 50/50 chance of total win, total loss with a person like that. Without judging for myself, it’s impossible to say which it would be.
.
Anyway, it’s likely to be a lot more effort than it’s worth. It may also pay off 10,000x and be worth all the effort. Guess you gotta determine how much you want to put into trying to see this prospect through. Otherwise you may want to close/lost and move on.

Mjollnir

Politicker

4

Account Executive

This is exactly the kind of comment I was looking for. thank you for that. that is definitely what I was fearing.

most people here just took a dump on me instead of answering the goddamn questions

TheNegotiator

Arsonist

3

VP of Sales

I think you’re brave for even asking the question. My respect 🙏
.
Wish you the best

thebrrt

Opinionated

2

SaaS BDR

It’s all making sense now. I found sales in trying to escape a fucked up situation involving homelessness at 19. Much like you, therapy and psychiatric help has only helped me accept that I will forever accidentally hurt people because of how difficult it is for me to open up and be vulnerable. You need vulnerability to be intimate.

TheNegotiator

Arsonist

2

VP of Sales

It is required, yes. And I’m in capable. That’s why I deliberately keep my distance from intimacy. Which I imagine is the case for OP’s prospect.
.
Anyone who “accidentally” gets hurt is not my responsibility.

CuriousFox

WR Officer

11

🦊

Don't date people you work with.

RandoSalesGuy

Opinionated

1

AE

This. Its SUCH a bad idea.

Corporatemama

Executive

6

Enterprise AE

Don’t date someone in sales, date someone who works at one of your target accounts

Jbeans

Opinionated

0

Director of Sales

Hahahhaaa best !!

FamilyTruckster

Politicker

4

Exec Director, Major Accounts

Post wanders a bit here. You’re into him and you think he’s into you, correct?

We constantly tell folks (guys in particular) that they’re reading into something that isn’t there. Just because she is nice doesn’t mean she wants to date you. He could be gun shy after hearing that constantly.

That being said, if you want to take the jump, be assertive and see what happens. Or don’t and find anyone ANYWHERE else.

good luck.

Mjollnir

Politicker

0

Account Executive

tough but true. thanks man

hh456

Celebrated Contributor

5

sales

Don’t do what my best friend said. No double standards. Don’t pursue him at work.

FamilyTruckster

Politicker

2

Exec Director, Major Accounts

No double standard. People are going to do what they are going to do.

If you want to go after someone at work knowing all the risks, who am I to say. Everyone knows the risks, it’s a matter of whether or not they give a shit.

Mjollnir

Politicker

3

Account Executive

oh we don't work together... just two sales people in two different companies

FamilyTruckster

Politicker

4

Exec Director, Major Accounts

….then what the hell are we doing here.

You’re just asking a group of strangers if you should ask someone out.

hh456

Celebrated Contributor

2

sales

Yeah I’m confused

FamilyTruckster

Politicker

3

Exec Director, Major Accounts

.

Incognito

WR Officer

4

Master of Disaster

ILYSM @FamilyTruckster

I think I just peed a little from laughing so hard

FamilyTruckster

Politicker

3

Exec Director, Major Accounts

🫀

hh456

Celebrated Contributor

5

sales

ramen hot pocket for your troubles @FamilyTruckster

Incognito

WR Officer

4

Master of Disaster

Mind. Blown.

FamilyTruckster

Politicker

4

Exec Director, Major Accounts

Seriously. Sign me up for one of those.

ultraman

Tycoon

1

Shepherd

You all not working together wasn’t super clear. So the “don’t date co-workers” part of my initial comment doesn’t apply to this situation, but the first half was way more important, you don’t want to get into relationships with people who have ghosted or have you wondering if they will when you (fill in the blank). That’s self respect 101. I don’t believe being in sales fucks us up. Life does that if we let it. Deal with your shit, take care of yourself physically and mentally. Sounds like this guy has some real commitment issues and it’s not for you to shepherd him through that, it is likely to end with an injury to yourself.

ultraman

Tycoon

4

Shepherd

@funcoupons is 💯 on this. If he has already ghosted you…F that guy. If you are worried he might do it again if you press him for clarity on what you have going on…also, F that guy. @CuriousFox is also right, don’t date/hook up at work. I thought about it for a hot minute, consulted the WR and decided against it and you should too! 👊

hh456

Celebrated Contributor

3

sales

@Mjollnir

UrAssIsSaaS

Arsonist

3

SaaS Eater

Just ask him how he feels?

funcoupons

WR Officer

8

👑

That's too mature and un-convoluted

UrAssIsSaaS

Arsonist

4

SaaS Eater

Why do the simple and straightforward thing when I can ask the internet instead

Mjollnir

Politicker

1

Account Executive

because I know that if I go the direct approach he'd ghost me again >_>

funcoupons

WR Officer

6

👑

So there's your answer. If someone ghosts you they're either not interested in you or not ready for a relationship in general. Either way, walk away.

UrAssIsSaaS

Arsonist

2

SaaS Eater

Ya this makes it pretty simple, if you cant be direct with someone about how they feel about you/your relationship, is that really someone you want to be with long term?

Also why do I feel like dr phil now. I need to take a shower

funcoupons

WR Officer

4

👑

U MUST

Mjollnir

Politicker

1

Account Executive

🤣

yomamasofat

Good Citizen

3

manager

he sounds dumb.
move on sister.

dwightyouignorantsale

Politicker

2

Account Executive

I think one good thing to do here is to avoid comparing or justifying the sales career aspect to how the relationship is going.
beyond that, this guy seems like he’s not super serious about it so the best thing you can do is have a serious conversation on whether or not he wants to be with you and then you can move on if not.

Incognito

WR Officer

2

Master of Disaster

*cough*

highlyinadvisable

Opinionated

0

SaLeS dEvELoPmEnT rEpReSeNtAtiVe

y tho

LocoSales

Politicker

2

Jr. Sales Manager

Congrats for having the guts to post this here.

In my honest opinion, never get involved with someone from work it usually ends in a disaster.

However, if you think that it's worth a shot and you don't want to push him too much, do the following:

Make yourself scarce and let him put in the work. If he doesn't do it, then he is probably not worth the hustle anyways.

And if he comes around, make sure that you are honest with him and tell him how you feel about the whole situation and what you want out of this "thing".

You are chasing him so desperately, and all this fugazi shit makes it more difficult than it has to be.

It's like a discovery call without an agenda! Always start with the upfront contract before getting down and dirty ;)

And no, I don't think that he is this way because of Sales. Humans are just weird, especially men, so being proactive can often be helpful.

doinkey

Contributor

2

Head of Sales

I actually think sales has helped me in this respect - we deal with rejection every day and have to do our best not to take it personally (definitely not a skill I was working on every day pre-sales).

Don't waste your time following up email after email or text after text. Ask the question you want the answer to.

BraveSexyStrong

Fire Starter

2

Business Development Rep

I have been thinking about this! In a more generalized sense, I do not think I would want to date another sales person. I feel like because of the work we do, we are good at being charismatic and saying the right things to get the information we want, and when we aren’t selling we can be blunt and to the point. Everything just feels too strategic for me to be comfortable.

Mjollnir

Politicker

2

Account Executive

yeah i had the same thought! exactly

Filth

Politicker

2

Live Filthy or Die Clean

Dating someone also in sales is going to be tough b/c you now have 2 people that are used to overcoming someone else to get what they want and mitigating external opinions.

I found that in order to be happier in my personal relationships, I have to let a lot of what makes me a good salesperson go and tap into my vulnerable self...which is not easy at all, but worthwhile if you're really ready for it.

Mjollnir

Politicker

2

Account Executive

Thank you for the comment!
You know, I think subconsciously I thought about it.
But now that you’re saying it’s becoming more and more clear to me that this is the case

Filth

Politicker

1

Live Filthy or Die Clean

NP, Plus you probably want someone a bit more stable than us salespeople to balance life out. And if you're not ready for the real thing...I wasn't above using Dating Apps try and talk to some geographically close prospects and it lead to some closes 😎.

Happy Hunting in Love and Sales Lady Hammer.

Mjollnir

Politicker

1

Account Executive

haha omg I love you

LordBusiness

Politicker

2

Chief Revenue Officer

Some folks just like to keep shit close to the vest. I’ve been with my wife 10 years and there are still things I keep to myself.

Mjollnir

Politicker

0

Account Executive

😯huh.. interesting. so who is your closest confidant, if not your wife?
... if you don't mind me asking

Diablo

Politicker

1

Sr. AE

You're in sales so I'm sure you don't like biting words. Just be straight to ask things instead of reading minds and get over with it.

Justatitle

Big Shot

1

Account Executive

Go/No go stage. "Are you gonna invest or not!!!"

closingwithabeerinhand

Valued Contributor

1

Director of Business Development

To be honest, just sounds like he's not into you. Close-lost it like @poweredbycaffeine said and get out there and prospect new opps. Plenty of other sales bros looking to close the deal.

harebrained

Politicker

1

Enterprise Account Executive

I dated a ghosty sales dude when I was just about to graduate college, and the main thing I took from the relationship was that I definitely could handle selling if he could and make some good cash. We broke up but I was inspired and got that $$ for myself (and then married an engineer... date the nice nerds ladies).

Mjollnir

Politicker

0

Account Executive

great advice! :)

bitchbetterhavemymoney

Opinionated

1

Director of Channel Sales

I think it’s more about emotional availability here. Not everyone in sales (like yourself) seem to be fucked up in relationships. And at the end of the day, if someone’s occupation is keeping them from engaging with the same energy you are, they’re not worth the time.
On the topic of dating another salesperson, I’m only interested if they’re in President’s Club.

Mjollnir

Politicker

0

Account Executive

haha last line cracked me up!!!

PleaseAdvise

Executive

1

Account Executive

Not all sales people are built the same. Some have the “gift of gab” and don’t know when to STFU. Others are quiet and analytical, producing results based off incredible research. Some of us are truly sensitive, open individuals who thrive on connecting with other people.
What I’m trying to say is I don’t think you should be concerned about dating fellow sales folk.
Sounds like this guy isn’t as open as you are. If that’s concerning, then find someone else who is more compatible to you.

Blackwargreymon

Politicker

1

MDR

I think you may be onto something. Sales didn’t fuck me up. I was fucked up before I got into sales. In fact, I got into sales because I was fucked up.

Clashingsoulsspell

Politicker

1

ISR

Anyway, it’s likely to be a lot more effort than it’s worth. It may also pay off 10,000x and be worth all the effort.

LordBusiness

Politicker

0

Chief Revenue Officer

Me…I tend to like to process shit myself, I don’t like to weigh others down with wherever I’m carrying.

Mjollnir

Politicker

0

Account Executive

sharing the load can be very relieving sometimes,
and I'd be personally pissed if my friends would deal with shit by themselves. I'd feel they don't trust me enough.

but to each his own.. ;)

Hoopnip

Politicker

0

Commercial AE

Left you on “read” could be the first problem. Texting sucks if you’re actually trying to actually communicate and build a relationship. Lots of people are funny / clever over text but boring AF to talk to in person.

MR.StretchISR

Politicker

0

ISR

Don't date people you work with.

Mr.Floaty

Politicker

0

BDR

Yes we have. It's been a ride for sure.

Cyberjarre

Politicker

0

BDR

None chance my team hits this quarter.

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