Rosie

Sales Director

Internalised racism

I have been making the Quota this year and making great stuff for our company but I noticed that my manager sometimes has trust issues with me, very cold to me even though I am her best AE and also treats certain white colleagues different than me. More friendliness and more relaxed.

Is this something I should react to? How would you progress if you were in my shoes?

🐱 Off-Topic

21 comment

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antiASKHOLE

Tycoon

Bravado's Resident Asshole

Could it be that they are just threatened by your success and that you could potentially be after their job?

have a conversation to express your thoughts to make sure you aren’t making up stories in your mind and set things straight with proper expectations.

Rosie

Catalyst

Sales Director

It seems like you may may be right. I have been making record sales same time while our startip is having a tough time so maybe she is worried about her job.

CuriousFox

WR Officer

🦊

Maybe she's attracted to you and is trying to keep it professional. Regardless you need to have a conversation.

antiASKHOLE

Tycoon

Bravado's Resident Asshole

oooh now this sounds scandalous hahah

DungeonsNDemos

Big Shot

Rolling 20's all day

Just assume this and you'll feel more comfortable in the conversations

UserNotFound

Politicker

Account Executive

I love how your mind works...

CuriousFox

WR Officer

🦊

🍸🦊

jefe

Arsonist

🍁

Also agreeing with @antiASKHOLE.

This could be it, but who really knows. You need to do some discovery.

Kosta_Konfucius

Politicker

Sales Rep

I am really sorry to hear that, do you have any close co-workers who might also be picking up on the managers coldness to you? I might start there.

Its a really tough situation, and when ever I am in those I try to validate if its real or am I looking into something too much.

Rosie

Catalyst

Sales Director

I learned this is most likely due to her being stressed out and also as I am outperforming her.

TennisandSales

Politicker

Head Of Sales

hmm i would start to take notes and write things down.

Then if it really bothering you, bring it up durring a 1 on 1. now that can be SUPER hard and risky. so happy to share what I would say and how to hopefully not have it effect you negatively.

just to clarify, is the manager a white female? and you are a POC?

youngsmoky

Celebrated Contributor

Senior Account Executive

Agreed. If you suspect she is prejudiced against you, you probably don't have to bring it up directly to address it. Let me explain.

If you're in a meeting, you can say something like "I may be wrong, but I feel as though you are closer to my coworkers and that we don't have as friendly of a relationship. Is there any reason that I wasn't invited to X or when you did Y I wasn't included?"

Give examples. But if you're asking as though you're genuinely curious, she should be able to come up with an answer. Also white people are usually terrified of being thought of as racist so if she thinks you might be worried about that, she should change her behavior.

If the behavior persists, then you can go to HR with your notes and even say you brought it up in the 1-on-1.

Rosie

Catalyst

Sales Director

Thanks for the feedback

Sunbunny31

Politicker

Sr Sales Executive 🐰

Agree with antiASKHOLE about having a conversation about your discomfort. It may very well be that she’s unaware that you are observing a difference. It may very well be that it’s completely unintentional and that changes can be made.

You mention trust issues. What do you mean by that?

hauru.sales

Celebrated Contributor

Sales Enthusiast

Why do you think that he is a racist? where is the point, if he just don't like you does it mean that he is a racist?

youngsmoky

Celebrated Contributor

Senior Account Executive

You know how in sales you had to get really good at being able to tell when people are or aren't interested no matter what they say? Or how people who live in big cities are pretty good at detecting when someone on the street is approaching them with good or bad intent?

Well people who are subjected to racism are really good at being able to tell when someone just doesn't like them or whether they have a problem with their race. Unfortunately they've learned from a lot of experience.

If OP is saying they "feel" like their boss might be racist, they probably have a good reason to say so. Just something I've learned from my friends who have been through it!

Rosie

Catalyst

Sales Director

Thank you for elaborating on this. Youngsmoky said it all.

UserNotFound

Politicker

Account Executive

Do you suffer from anxiety? One of my favorite ways to combat my anxiety is a technique called "Check Your Facts". Feelings are important, but they LIE! Look for empirical data to support your hypothesis. If it exists, take note and continue to note it until such a time that you're comfortable addressing it.

If it doesn't exist- take a look at the feelings that are coming up for you and deal with those in an appropriate manner (therapy... that manner is therapy. Lifesaver. 10/10 Can't recommend it enough)

pirate

Big Shot

🦜☠️ Account Executive

I'd say start collecting proof and once you have it, flag it to HR because I'd imagine they care about diversity?

Rosie

Catalyst

Sales Director

Thank you all who pitched in with support and ideas.

Pachacuti

Politicker

-2

They call me Daddy, Sales Daddy

You resort to calling it racist?

It could be a personal habit, no shared interests, or countless other items which attribute this persons “coldness“ toward you. It could be the fact that you’re labeling the behavior as racist which makes her keep you at arms length.

Maybe you need to look in the mirror here to find the problem.

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Rosie

Internalised racism

21 comment

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