Anti-gift Ideas - Suggestions Requested

I've seen some pretty unique ideas for customer/prospect gifts with the holidays coming up.

Anyone care to help me with some gift ideas for customers that I hate or prospects that didn't move forward for whatever reason? I have 3 prospects who refused to sign this month that are on my shit list so here are a few ideas of things I plan on sending them:

• 3 Saltwater Crocodiles from Southeast Asia -- they're known as an aggressive breed
• Blue Giant 150" Lift WPS Hydraulic Push Stacker -- insanely inconvenient for them to haul out of the office
• One of my interns, but there's a catch; he only has one arm and is partially deaf, rendering him completely useless
• Dan Price bobble head that repeats "I pay everyone $70k" at the top of every hour for 10 minutes -- don't worry, I deactivated the ability to turn off the noise. And if they try to touch it, it will shock them with 70,000 volts
• 80 pound bag of Rhinoceros shit that explodes upon being unwrapped

Open to suggestions on what to add from everyone (unless you suck) here...

-paddy