fidelcashflow

Account Executive

Valued Contributor

Significant other finance splitting

How should S/O's split finances in this scenario?

-You're dating for about a year or 2.

-Live separately.

-You make about 50-75% more than your S/O.

If I make ~50% more than my S/O then I think this:

-Going out to dinner is normally 50/50. Occasionally, I would like to treat.

-Same with drinks.

-Occasionally I like to buy them random gifts/surprises here or there with no expectation of getting something in return.

-Neither of us should nickel & dime. Not going to Venmo request you for a coffee and you should not either, Ubers etc.

-If we vacation, that is always 50/50.

-If I call to do something a little more extravagant out of the blue, I'll offer to either cover all of it or most of it.

-I don't believe in a 50/50 mindset but rather a 100/100.

-Also note that we go out a lot.

How should it be split?

Attached poll

Person making more $ should cover everything 100% 50/50 for everything The way I described above

*Voting in this poll no longer yields commission.

🏄 Personal Life

💴 Money Management

25

66 comments

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antiASKHOLE

Tycoon

11

Bravado's Resident Asshole

OR... just have a conversation about finances and get an agreed-upon scenario. who tf cares who makes more honestly, it's about respecting each other's budgets. You're dating, not married.

FinanceEngineer

Politicker

2

Sr Director, sales and partnerships

Get out of here with your logic! My wife and I don’t really talk finances and we have been together for 12 years.

Filth

Politicker

1

Live Filthy or Die Clean

Open discussion is key or it will become an issue and in the case below where they don't talk finances in a 12 year marriage, then the 1 discussion that was had or plan that was assumed works and doesn't need fixing.
You have your own money @FidelCashFlows use it when you want to, if you feel like you HAVE to and you don't want to - might be a time to talk about, it might be something to your partner and they are willing to pay OR that shows you what the relationship really is.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

-2

Account Executive

I didn't ask how to go about addressing it lmao. I'm asking which "agreed-upon scenario" makes sense.

BmajoR

Arsonist

9

Account Executive

You're making it way more complicated than it should be and that's going to cause a lot of strain if you're this hung up on it.

Just go with the flow and live within your respective means.

If you're doing something that they can't afford but it's for the benefit of both of you (nice vacation or something) then cover more of the cost to make it affordable for them.

CuriousFox

WR Officer

7

🦊

I agree. It shouldn't be this hard.

Fenderbaum

Politicker

2

Retired Choirboy🪕

Who pays for parking tickets? 🤡

BmajoR

Arsonist

2

Account Executive

the gubment after I change my identity

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

I'm not laying this out and discussing this hard. I'm trying to get takes and see how people do shit. Also, your last point is a point that I described in my explanation...

poweredbycaffeine

WR Lieutenant

3

☕️

At two years in my wife and I were broke AF and I was paying for dates and what not because I took pride in it. You’re still two separate people with no financial ties, so operate as such. Enjoy treating, but decide on what you are both comfortable with before you go on that date or trip. Setting guidelines is a good way to build resentment, whether you are conscious of it or not.

YoursTruly

Politicker

2

Account Executive (SaaS)

You posed a question but don’t want people to give you there takes? In that case, I side with your girlfriend. You should pay for all of it.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

I’m confused how I’m not wanting peoples takes just because I’m replying

Sunbunny31

Politicker

4

Sr Sales Executive 🐰

One response of yours:
I didn't ask how to go about addressing it lmao. I'm asking which "agreed-upon scenario" makes sense.

and another response:
I'm not laying this out and discussing this hard. I'm trying to get takes and see how people do shit. Also, your last point is a point that I described in my explanation...

After you asked:
How should S/O's split finances in this scenario?

Looks like you don't want people's takes, tbh.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

1

Account Executive

yes, i asked how people split their finances not "how should I address finances with my s/o"
i can see where you're coming from but i am also having a discussion. im just rebuttaling, not saying fuck your opinion.

Sunbunny31

Politicker

0

Sr Sales Executive 🐰

I can see where you’re coming from, but I suspect it may be just some confusing language you used.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

1

Account Executive

I get it. It isn't easy to communicate over a computer sometimes. Especially with fiery subjects, which seems to be the case with this. Appreciate your takes either way

Sunbunny31

Politicker

1

Sr Sales Executive 🐰

Amen - tone is the easiest thing to misinterpret. And I know what I mean to say, but sometimes if I don’t edit, it doesn’t come across as intended. We’ve all been there.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

1

Account Executive

Love you bitch 💜

Sunbunny31

Politicker

0

Sr Sales Executive 🐰

I see what you did there. 😂

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

SAY IT BACK

Sunbunny31

Politicker

0

Sr Sales Executive 🐰

❤️ U 2 BITCH!

Revenue_Rambo

Politicker

5

Director, Revenue Enablement

If you’re keeping score you’re doing it wrong

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

I don't want to keep score and I don't think I am. In reality there's kind of always a score, even if it's 100/0.

braintank

Politicker

5

Enterprise Account Executive

Just get married

poweredbycaffeine

WR Lieutenant

3

☕️

You’re dating two years, not living together, and you’re working our a complicated financial algo.

Imma just 🪑 🍿

SaaSyBee

Politicker

3

Founder

I tend to go with the "if I invited you, I pay" rule for most things (except for like... big vacations).

That's my rule for everyone, including friends. I make a lot more than everyone in my life, but I don't want to have to do all the things I want to do alone so I just see it as a benefit to me to have the company.

Fenderbaum

Politicker

3

Retired Choirboy🪕

You're putting way too much sugar in the coffee on this... I'm old school on this topic so your vote choices are no bueno. Be a man and court her.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

okay but the be a man and court her choice is part of the options

Fenderbaum

Politicker

1

Retired Choirboy🪕

No offense, but if I was your S/O, I would exit stage left.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

Because I am not offering to cover all of their expenses?

Fenderbaum

Politicker

0

Retired Choirboy🪕

No, because you sweat the small stuff. Just relax, have fun.

Space_Ghost20

Valued Contributor

2

Account Executive

I don't know. I'm married. Before I was married I was too poor to put much thought into this kind of stuff. If I was ever in a position of having to date again I'd probably just pay for everything to avoid having to devote much brain power to this problem. Save those neurons for real problems like trying to make more money.

FinanceEngineer

Politicker

2

Sr Director, sales and partnerships

Honestly, I view it as a partnership. Just figure out how to make both of your lives better. Also, move in together and save more than the difference on these expenses.

Beans

Big Shot

2

Enterprise Account Executive

I make about 3x my partner the bills are split about 2/3 my way 1/3 hers.

I usually pick up dinners and groceries and fun stuff, she handles all of her personal stuff.

End of the day she’s my partner and I’ll probably outearn her life, but we’re in this together so why on eaaaaaarth would I financially burden her so we can’t share a good life?

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

2

Account Executive

That makes total sense. You don't want to financial burden her and I'm sure she does not want to financial burden you.

LambyCorn

Arsonist

1

A mfkn E

I see you are a mathematical*focused person. A solution for your case could maybe be paying the same percentage but not 50/50
If you make 50% more, pay your portion on income and the other on income. That way, you pay the equal amount in % but not the same amount in $
If you make 100k and your partner 50k, going 50/50 wouldn't be exactly "fair"

jefe

Arsonist

3

🍁

Proportionate to income absolutely makes the most sense when living together.
I don't think this much thought needs to go into it for living separately. It should just be fair and agreed upon. It's all a give and take.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

1

Account Executive

I agree too. It's give and take, 100/100. I just don't understand the notion of one person covering 100% of everything when they are dating and make roughly about the same $.

jefe

Arsonist

1

🍁

Does anyone really think like that these days though?

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

You must be married, and for a long time. I know plenty of people that still think like this and dated someone that believed in that. It got to a point of 100/0 and when I brought it up, I was that bad guy.

jefe

Arsonist

2

🍁

Married, but not for that long. In my experience, maybe that's expected for the first date or two, but otherwise women (at least decent women) want to have some kind of split happen.
At least that's what I've seen in Canada.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

Definitely. I pursued them so I definitely covered everything for a long period of time. But once you are in a committed relationship, why not have everyone win?

LambyCorn

Arsonist

0

A mfkn E

just an idea - personally, I always pick up the check without thinking about it, we went on a nice trip and I covered 100% of it, because I wanted to but thats just me

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

So you are saying you cover 100% of expenses between you and yours? How much more do you make than them?

LambyCorn

Arsonist

0

A mfkn E

Pretty significant, around 10x

LambyCorn

Arsonist

0

A mfkn E

pretty big gap so its not exactly comparable to your case which is 50% - (she works a shitty full-time in Costa Rica where wages are like $2 an hour so, I live in CR but work with US-based at $20 an hour so, that's why the big gap)

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

Yeah entirely different. I'm not stupid, if i was making 10x my s/o I'd be covering basically everything.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

Agreed. I do believe if you are not living together though that I don't see why everything would not be 50/50. Unless I was asking to live a lifestyle that didn't match their income. BUT, I am still willing to cover more than them, that's okay. And If we were living together and I make more, then yes, I should be paying more in rent/mortgage given that I want to live up to my means that may be different than theirs.

CadenceCombat

Tycoon

1

Account Executive

Not sure why some of your comments got downvoted so i upvoted those comments to restore some balance…
People don’t seem to understand that you’re just curious how others are approaching this to inform your own approach as opposed to wanting to be told how to navigate your exact situation and then getting annoyed with you for highlighting the distinction.
I feel like the WR is getting dumber and dumber these days.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

1

Account Executive

jesus christ, you can read! haha appreciate you 😂the funniest part is the poll is showing in favor of my philosophy...

Pachacuti

Politicker

1

They call me Daddy, Sales Daddy

If you're NOT married, then alternating "who pays" is a good strategy.

If you ARE married, there is not your money or her money...its both your money. Have separate accounts for spending money, but most of it should go into a joint account.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

1

Account Executive

i feel that. I don't even try to make it 50/50 like that. the thing is that i thought it would go without being said but it has not. so the conversation came up. if i could, i would pay for the vast majority.

GDO

Politicker

1

BDM

yeah 50/50 with both having the mindset to treat the other once in a while

Kosta_Konfucius

Politicker

1

Sales Rep

Everyone is different, only thing thats important that you are both happy. You will find a balance that works

pirate

Big Shot

0

🦜☠️ Account Executive

I earn more than my S/O. I'm female, he's male. We are dating for a year.I would expect most things are 50/50 such as holidays, going out for dinner... but sometimes I will pay a bit more towards groceries or get him things. I don't expect stuff but occasionally it's nice when he treats me to things. HOWEVER, I like to travel. He cannot afford to travel the same amount so I have been doing that on my own or with friends. We live separate so I get stuff for my place. I think it's about what is fair. You both have lived your own lives. But it's not like you have to pay for everything because you earn more...

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

Interesting situation there. That sounds normal and good to me. But even in the case of vacations, you are not covering that it sounds like. Sounds like it is almost 50/50 between you two.

pirate

Big Shot

0

🦜☠️ Account Executive

Well 50/50 ish together but if I go on my own... I pay. But I don't know nothing is ever fair in relationship. I think sometimes it's good to talk and make the other person aware. Because sometimes we all do things we don't notice and if we are aware we can make small changes

Justatitle

Big Shot

0

Account Executive

My mom always told me that the man pays for the woman, call it old school or whatever but she instilled that in me. now if you 2 live together splitting rent, vacations, and such is totally standard by my purview. I guess a good question is whether you see yourself with this S/O long-term.

fidelcashflow

Catalyst

0

Account Executive

do you mean when it comes to dates or period? I do see myself with them long term. Just had a hiccup when it came to expenses.

Justatitle

Big Shot

0

Account Executive

dates/ going out.

Avon

Politicker

0

Senior Account Executive

Before moving in together I think everyone should just pay for yourselves. With the exception being wanting to do something/go somewhere that is within one persons budget but not the other. In that case if the higher earner wants to pay more I think thats great, but they shouldn't be pressured to do so.

NoSuperhero

Politicker

0

BDR LEAD

Or simply talk about it? I don't think it's that important. If they cover anything fine, if they don't also fine.

CRAG112

Valued Contributor

0

Account Executive

It's called a partnership for a reason. A relationship for a reason.
Money can kill anything between two people.

I highly recommend you both compromise on what's needed when you go out.

Set up times for going out and taking each other out. She should be able to do that as casually as you can.

Don't go out a lot..... Or don't actively spend money as it's clearly an issue, expensive, and not sustainable forever.

You don't need to eat out or get drinks everywhere you go. And if someone does, there's no reason they can't pay for it themselves.

kittychachas

Valued Contributor

0

VP/Director of Sales

Fiancé and I split things proportionally based on our income levels when we first started dating. If I made $100k and she earned $40k, then I’d cover 60% and she’d pay the remaining amount.

Now she makes $130K and we split things 50/50. Commissions and bonuses go straight into savings. We plan off our base salaries only.

londoniscoldandwet

Opinionated

0

SDR

Partner and I do the same as you - works wonders and we both feel like we can treat each other!

ThatNewAE

Big Shot

0

Account Executive - Mid enterprise

My fiance and I talked about this - so you two should talk about it with each other, rather than asking here with a bunch of strangers.
It depends on how you two would want finances to be split, again depending on how much you two make. Who's getting burned with what : How can you help them, how can they help you.

Talk. Figure out the gaps and then decide on the percentages.

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