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The intern escaped my liquor cabinet

Anyone have a good security system for keeping your liquor cabinet locked? Been a hectic morning. The intern I've been keeping in there somehow escaped. No clue how he got out but it's clear that I need a new lock/security system and potentially a new cabinet entirely. If anyone has a good one in mind, drop it in the comments. Here is my buying criteria:


-mobile alerts when cabinet opens

-equipped with lasers that vaporize HR within 10 feet of cabinet

-sound proof (yes, the current one is already sound proof but you can never have too many layers)

-Cuban mahogany wood frame

-titanium alloy doors in case of fire

-can hold 30 two-liter bottles of Kahlua

-24 karat gold hook on the outside for my revolver


If anyone sells something like this, hmu I can probably fill half your quota in one sale right here.


-paddy


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19
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
Kahluapons
If any dumb money wants to invest I'm willing to make this my first ever startup project...Β 
uncorpse
Politicker
+5
Sales Development
You're built different!Β πŸ”₯
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
Kahluapons
Your dad agrees
Show 2 more replies
InQ5WeTrust
Arsonist
+8
Sales Savages, what is our profession? Trauma!
Why settle for a cabinet? Splurge on an armoire, more room for liquor and interns.Β 
WCK
Notorious Answer
+11
Padre de Tequila, General of the Coors Knights
I feel like for a connoisseur such as yourself, might I suggest a custom build? Can never be too much when it comes to an investment such as this.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
+11
Needer of Life Alert
Ooh love the rich mahogany look πŸ”₯
CoorsKing
WR Officer
+11
King of the Coors Knights
Like we discussed, I still think you need a shock collar. Keep them from calling for help but also helps with the back up perimeter defense.Β 
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
I like where your head is at. Them calling for help shouldn't be an issue since I'm reinforcing the walls to drown out any noise. But the shock collar might be fun anyways when I'm bored.
Chep
WR Officer
+10
Business Development Team Lead
I hear Latch has pretty decent smart home locks and maybe you could put that lock on your cabinet and unlock/lock the intern in straight from your mobile phone
Sheriff
Politicker
+6
Sales Trainer
Landmines, lots and lots of Landmines. Or a moat with Sharks with laserbeams
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
Fricken sharks with fricken laser beams attached to their fricken heads?? Love it.
SaaStityBelt
Valued Contributor
+4
SDR
Idk what kind of floorplan you're working with but have you considered installing a hidden safe room?Β  Plenty of space for the Kahlua and maybe even multiple interns?Β 
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
I like it. Thanks for the suggestion. I'll have to think about it
SalesSage
Valued Contributor
+5
National Account Manager
I think a camera is needed here as well, something like the ring doorbell so any person aiding in the escape is caught as well.Β 
paddy
WR Officer
+10
Account Executive
I've always had a camera. I'm no rookie.
SalesSage
Valued Contributor
+5
National Account Manager
atta boy!!Β Β 
Stratifyz
Opinionated
+9
Business Development Rep
Maybe something like this should suffice : https://www.roadsideamerica.com/tip/8782
RampagingDog
Politicker
+5
Recruitment Consultant
Your revolver? Being that you're in Commie-fornia I'll excuse and educate you.Β  Unless you're rocking an original Colt or a S&W .44 Magnum, you should upgrade, my friend (cool points added if you know, without researching, why the S&W .44 Magnum is acceptable).Β  I mean even the 1911, which won two World Wars, is outdated today. You need to find yourself something that is magazine fed and has an internal striker rather than your traditional hammer.Β Β 
User1234567
Politicker
+5
User1234567
sounds amazingΒ 
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