GOLFaaS profile picture
GOLFaaS profile picture

GOLFaaS

Sales Leader

Politicker
Valued Contributor
Opinionated
+4

Day one as a sales manager….. give me the worst possible advice!

So I accepted the promotion, been an AE for a couple of years but mainly been in technical roles.  I would prefer to not suck at this, but fuck it. I think I should start with a bang, really throw off some
of the reps who thought I would be fair and balanced.  

I want to see the worst best ideas that a brand new sales manager could possibly do lol. and maybe a few good ideas sprinkled in for fun. 
📳 SaaS
👑 Sales Strategy
🏹 War Room
26

27 comments

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funcoupons
WR Officer
11
👑
Remind AEs to update Salesforce every hour, they appreciate it. 
GOLFaaS
Politicker
2
Sales Leader
I’m great at creating ridiculous sales force reports. I have a awesome
Idea, a report to rank all my Reps on number of logins and time Spent in salesforce.
funcoupons
WR Officer
2
👑
Wow I’m so turned on 
GOLFaaS
Politicker
-1
Sales Leader
You should see my dashboards….
UrAssIsSaaS
Arsonist
7
SaaS Eater
Whatever you do, make sure you do all the drugs and have all the sex with people on your team. It always turns out well. 
SaaSsy
Politicker
6
AE
Immediately forget everything you knew as a rep and start just using stock phrases like “make it happen” when anyone asks for real advice. 
GOLFaaS
Politicker
1
Sales Leader
Just to be sure I don’t forgot. I went ahead and saved it to my email signature
HeStoleMyTwix
Valued Contributor
1
AE
*furiously typing in slack mid meeting*

"Just ask for the business!"
CuriousFox
WR Officer
5
🦊
Daily 8 am video team meeting with each member discussing every prospect on the "real" forecast in SFDC.
braintank
Politicker
4
Enterprise Account Executive
I'd argue going into management is a bad idea in itself 😸
TennisandSales
Politicker
4
Head Of Sales
1. if your reps ask for advice just tell them "well what do you think?"

2. have a 10 min team huddle at the top of every hour...you know to keep the energy up! 
Notmyrealname
Politicker
3
AE
If anyone needs help tell them it's their job to figure it out. Then, when they figure it out, tell them they shouldn't do it that way and they need to change it. Rinse, repeat. 
JustGonnaSendIt
Politicker
3
Burn Towns, Get Money
Schedule lots of standing meetings, video required, to discuss forecasts, pipeline, prospecting activities, and communicate leadership directives. Daily is good. Multiple times daily is better. Make sure to reinforce how important good time management is in all of these meetings. Ensure reps prepare a new PPT deck for each meeting to discuss the current state and future projections for their territory.

Staying on the time management theme - Make your reps document their time, in excel, in 15 minute increments for each day. Make this report due every evening.

Stack rank your reps based on every possible metric - Quota attainment, outbound activity, meetings held, pipeline created, aggregate pipeline, how early they start, how late they stay online, how many minutes they're logged in to SFDC daily. Send this out every evening.

Never schedule 1:1's. Make everyone feel like you're constantly on the edge of putting them on a PIP, but give them no platform to discuss openly with you.

Don't give raises. Make sure your team only has 80% of the resources they need to succeed.

Oh, and the coup de gras - Every time leadership gives you flak, immediately schedule a fire drill call with the team and pass it straight thru to them. Also make sure leadership knows it's not you, it's your reps.

Never answer the phone when reps call. Randomly drop in on their customer calls to keep them on their toes and shake things up.
paddy
WR Officer
3
Director of Business Development
Have a daily check in with your reps and show them how big your penis is. 1pm is a great time to do this.
Sunbunny31
Politicker
2
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
Make sure your deal reviews have excruciating detail in them, and don't do them 1:1.  Everybody gets to sit through the entire pipeline review and listen to the details of everyone else's deals.
RandyLahey
Politicker
2
Account Executive
Clean your pipeline every 15 minutes.
TreTime
Catalyst
1
Account Executive
Schedule a daily opp review of an opp that has 0 wheels
Justatitle
Big Shot
1
Account Executive
Ask the rep why the deal that is in legal why it isn't signed yet
DungeonsNDemos
Big Shot
1
Rolling 20's all day
Corporate Bro's "Manny" video is chock full of great examples. 
I would say my favorite is to get everyone on a zoom call and make them clap together to get the energy up.
UserNotFound
Politicker
0
Account Executive
Start sending 2am emails and expecting a reply before 8am so that you can eNsUrE pRoDuCtIvItY in the upcoming day.
AnchorPoint
Politicker
0
Business Coach
Let the team know that you will expect updated sales plans ready to review by tomorrow's 7am meeting.
techsales
Politicker
0
Enterprise Account Executive
Dont forget, everyone loves a micromanager
NotCreativeEnough
Big Shot
0
Professional Day Ruiner
send a slack message every 30 minutes reminding them to update salesforce. 

Jack up their quota

Announce mandatory weekly trainings

Reduce the comp plan

Daily team meeting watching wolf of wall street clips to "get everyone pumped"

Remind them that you're a sales manager because you're better than them. And even though they are a top performer who is crushing, they are still doing everything wrong and need to do it your way instead. 
sellingsomestuff
Praised Answer
0
Senior Account Executive
increase everyone's commits without telling them
ClutchDeluxe
Valued Contributor
0
asking people for money
Give all your reps nicknames like 'the hot one' and 'BO guy' and use them to their faces
Boutdamtime
Politicker
0
Client Executive
Schedule 8am zooms with cameras on every Monday morning (morale building).

Send dick pics to everyone off the bat (assert dominance).

Fuck anyone in HR that’s above a 6 (relationship building).

Commit your best reps biggest deal that doesn’t have a snowballs chance in hell of coming across this quarter (for motivation).

Give conflicting expense policy guidance (only the strong survive).

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