Pat leave stigma?

I am currently on pat leave for a company that offers a very generous policy for non birthing parents. I am planning to take the entire leave as its in the best interest of my family and allows for me to bond with my kids, but I'm finding a stigma seems to come with that. Peoples eyes light up when I tell them how long I'm off, and often make comments like "Oh thats nice, I was back to work the next day". I cant help but feel that my sales leadership might hold similar sentiments and this will hurt me in the long run. Anyone else experience something similar and have any advice on how best to navigate?

๐Ÿค  Culture
41
antiASKHOLE
Tycoon
23
Bravado's Resident Asshole
They can take that stigma and shove it up their asses. If they have an issue with it, then they can take it up with the policy creators. Take your time and enjoy it. Then when you come back, go balls to the wall and take control.

I know it's a lot of "taking", but if you don't, they will just give you shit... intentional or not.
jefe
Arsonist
10
๐Ÿ
1000% this. Fuck 'em all
HVACexpert
Politicker
9
sales engineer
Bingo. Family comes first, take the time. If they donโ€™t like it, jokes on them.
antiASKHOLE
Tycoon
8
Bravado's Resident Asshole
Also, you can turn that "stimga" into "sugma" as in if they don't like it, you can tell em to "sugma balls"
Sunbunny31
Politicker
8
Sr Sales Executive ๐Ÿฐ
^^ someone who took the time and KNOWS.
Sunbunny31
Politicker
14
Sr Sales Executive ๐Ÿฐ
The comments about how people were back the next day simply illustrate how things have changed. Itโ€™s for the better. Take the time and enjoy! You donโ€™t get this opportunity again. Congratulations!
CuriousFox
WR Officer
11
๐ŸฆŠ
Listen to the ๐Ÿ‡ she is very wise ๐Ÿ’ฏ
jefe
Arsonist
4
๐Ÿ
Bunny is the GOAT
saaskicker
Tycoon
10
Enterprise AE
Following as I will be in a similar boat in a few months. I'm lucky enough to be able to break mine up into chunks, I get a full 3 months. But I'm planning on taking 1 month immediately, then the next two months once my wife goes back to work after her leave.
Sunbunny31
Politicker
5
Sr Sales Executive ๐Ÿฐ
That sounds like a great plan. Congratulations to you as well.
LambyCorn
Arsonist
2
A mfkn E
that is extremely ideal - congratulations!
LambyCorn
Arsonist
8
A mfkn E
take your time. You can't even doubt, for one second, that what might others think could be more important than spending time with your newborn.
Fenderbaum
Politicker
6
Retired Choirboy๐Ÿช•
Perfect response. People will have an opinion all the time, no matter what you do. They can kick rocks.
Filth
Politicker
4
Live Filthy or Die Clean
I wish I had more to take than the 1 week off and 1 week remote and fuck em if they think anything less of you. Just assume they are terrible people who'd rather be at an office instead of helping their family. Take the time, enjoy your family, when its work time, crush it and shove it back in any haters faces.
oldcloser
Arsonist
4
๐Ÿ’€
Blow that shit off right now and be the husband and father you're supposed to be. Fuck'em. Just fuck'em all.
poweredbycaffeine
WR Lieutenant
3
โ˜•๏ธ
Fuck. Those. People.
Revenue_Rambo
Politicker
2
Director, Revenue Enablement
Nearly every sales leader I've spoken with in the last few years has said they wished they had focused more on their kids while they were young (and not job).
If your company is offering it as a benefit TAKE IT.
Should those leaders then pass judgement for you utilizing an increasingly normalized benefit then they are just jealous that they didn't have the same opportunity and simultaneously focused on the impact of your absence on their own lack of planning and leadership.
Phillip_J_Fry
Opinionated
2
Director of Revenue
"Oh wow! Now, is that the kid that hasn't spoken to you in 8 years, or is that a different one?"
ventox35
Politicker
2
Sales Leader
ha, i recently got pushed out of the company i helped build because of a parental leave. we had no policy, so i asked for a few weeks off. HR and i agreed on it.
fast forward: hired a new exec team. my new boss started while i was on leave. didn't get the chance to meet til he was a few weeks in on the job.
first meeting with him after my leave, he demoted me. fast forward again a few months, he pushed me out of the company.
he'd never say it out loud, but some of the comments that were made both passive aggressively and directly from not just him, but several executives let me know i took too much time off.
definitely a stigma. but screw that stigma. take care of your family. hold strong, stand firm. don't give an inch. take care of those babies!!
fuzzy
Notable Contributor
2
CMO (Chief Meme Officer)
Family > Work. No one dies wishing they worked more. Fuck anyone and everyone that thinks otherwise. I had similar things said to me and I literally replied, "Well, that sucks for you." They should feel bad. More people need to fight for their families and personal lives. Unfortunately, we fathers get shafted with protections for this sort of stuff, but it could change if more people fight for it.
If your sales leadership resents you for it, brush it off and come back gangbusters to prove them wrong. Just absolutely crush it with your quota. Then find a new job.
Diablo
Politicker
1
Sr. AE
Forget others, do whatโ€™s important for you. If there is a policy why not use but I will still have a convo with my manager on whatโ€™s he suggests as the market is crazy bad and I donโ€™t want to get any surprises when back.
GDO
Politicker
1
BDM
don't let the sigma get to you. It's your right and the best for your family. Enjoy your time with the new one and fuck those haters
Beans
Big Shot
1
Enterprise Account Executive
Definitely is that old school bullshit, but the perk exists for a reason, if they don't respect it they shouldn't bother to offer it.
So in short, fuck em, do you.
1nbatopshotfan
Politicker
1
Sales
I took my time and spread it out. It rocked. Was able to be home at the start for a month and then sprinkle weeks throughout
GreenSide
Politicker
1
Sales manager
Fuck em
noID
Member
1
Account Executive
I definitely recommend taking the time if you can!
I maxed out my pat leave last year. It took me a bit to get back into the swing of things afterwards but I'm really thankful I was able to spend that extra time focusing on my family.
SiliconBBQ
Politicker
1
The Metal Rooster
Are you me?

Boomer male managers don't like it typically. Neither do millennial female managers with one kid.

I didn't take all of my leave at Boracle. I get full comp at this org. during leave, and could have taken 6 months but played a card wrong.

Holding baby #2 at four months old rn, while she naps and i type one handed. I have two more months of leave.

No regrets on taking time to be with the kid.

Fuck anybody else tryna run that mouf, and ain't up with me at 2,3,4 am feeding and soothing a baby...

Feel lucky for the time now, and like I missed out on time with my first. Jobs will come and go. This time with them while they are young is priceless... and i'm getting to hang with the 4 yo too : )

Edit to add: I stacked this leave with my wife to keep baby outta daycare as long as possible, even though we are paying for a spot. The first couple of months were hard but doable.
TheQueenofDiamonds
Politicker
1
Account Executive
As someone who took my parental leave (albeit dif cause I am a mom, kind of had too), don't make a decision for the entire time and decide as you go. I paid a big career price for taking the time off (twice).Two sides to every story
Gavinbelson
Good Citizen
1
Account Executive
When we had our baby my company offered two weeks and I took an additional week of PTO. Donโ€™t regret it one bit and I would of taken all the time offered if there was more.

Had a sales manager who said โ€œwell youโ€™re wife has the baby, not youโ€. Straight boomer speak.

Take all the time, donโ€™t think about it for another second. The company created the policy so take advantage. If they have a problem when you get back, f them and deal with it then.
1
Manager - Business Development
Family comes first. In the end youโ€™ll never say I wish I had gone back to work sooner.
Kosta_Konfucius
Politicker
1
Sales Rep
Not sure why its so common but it is. Hate to say but just need to tell yourself fuck em you arent doing anything wrong
tomke
Big Shot
1
Strategic Account Manager
Yes, you should stop thinking what everyone thinks and just be there for your family and kids. You only have one life and kids are only small once and there is no money in the world that can change that or be a substitute for you not being there. If your leadership doesn't get that you should find another company and leadership which does.
SalesinSeattle
Valued Contributor
1
Account Executive
Was lucky enough to be in a similar situation with several months leave from my company at the time we had our son. I would just advise that you plan well in advance and get all your ducks in a row on status of opps and who is running with what before you exit. I'd plan on having that done a month to a month and a half before the due date so you're ready should the baby come early.

All your leadership should appreciate that you're taking care of business and making sure no $$ get left on the table due to your leave, you're making sure all your opps have a babysitter.

I was fortunate as I had a great year the year my son was born and I was already 50% over my annual quota by the time my leave hit in July, so I basically said don't bother me.

Family first, and congrats! (Work to live, don't live to work)
CallMeMaybe
Opinionated
1
Director of Sales
Good book, recommend reading if you haven't already "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson
1
Seeking a new and meaningful opportunity.
It is great that more companies are now offering this to the non-birthing parent. They wrote the policy and honored your request for the time off. Let yourself be fulfilled with family and the new child. You deserve the glow so does your newborn.

You will also be a better Account Executive after your leave is finished. If that ends up being with a different company, then they will have scored a heartfelt and well-rounded new employee.

Be. Good. Family.
Blahblahblah
1
AE
Good for you!!! All men need to take the time and bond with their children. Your partner needs it, your kids need it. YOU NEED IT! Ignore the stigma. Your family is way more important than worrying dirty looks from men whose kids canโ€™t stand them.
1
Enterprise Customer Success Executive
My company was in the middle of an acquisition so it colors my experience, but I went on pat leave for three months (in Canada) and I got to feel first hand how women unfortunately get the shit end of the stick when they go on leave.

TL;DR โ€“ Go on leave, it's 100% worth it, but accept that the earth (your company) will keep spinning without you there.

I was a CS Team Lead at a SF startup. Here's what went down:

1. A new role for Director of CS was created after I went on leave, and was awarded to my peer, the only other Team Lead, by default

2. That peer leveraged that promotion to get an even higher role somewhere else โ€“ so the role was then awarded to one of their subordinates

3. When I returned, I was reporting to the subordinate โ€“ there was no conversation about having me vie for the role
4. The Team Lead role was eliminated all together as the CS org restructured, and I was dropped to individual contributor

I'm not saying I deserved the Director role, and that others didn't deserve it. But because of the timing of me being away, the company went through seismic shifts that I had no ability to influence.

All that said, I woudn't trade my pat leave in for anything. I got to spend three months building a relationship with the best kiddo in the world โ€“ and I went ahead and just found myself a better job later.
SalesMama
Executive
1
Senior Account Executive
People have short term memory. Take the leave and come back continuing to crush quota. The only risk here as I see it is if you return and donโ€™t maintain the things that gave you a strong reputation pre-parenthood
LambyCorn
Arsonist
0
A mfkn E
HVACexpert
Politicker
2
sales engineer
Or people who adopt, use a surrogate, etc.
oldcloser
Arsonist
1
๐Ÿ’€
1/2 cup of sugar and some WD-40

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