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abupapi

Guest Services Agent

Contributor
Fire Starter

The referral at Salesforce gave me the name of the recruiter and I found the email of the person. Should I email the person?

Hi Guys,

I found the email address of the recruiter at Salesforce. Should I go ahead and email this person?



My name is , and I applied for the role of Business Development Representative through the referral of , who is currently a BDR at Salesforce Toronto. I got your name through him.


I'm just checking in to see if there have been any developments with my application for the role above. Salesforce is a large organization, and I believe you must have gotten 100s of resumes for the role, so I understand if more time is taken to process my application.


I do not have work experience in a Saas sales team, and I am sure you must be seeing a lot of qualified candidates, and you could hire any of them. But what I bring to the table is that I am a fast learner, passionate not just about technology, but the business value clients gain through technology. I love to show people what I have learned about a specific software or feature of the software and how it can be used to maximize their business value. I am good at teaching people the technical aspects of the software solution(what it does, and how to implement it) and correlating it with long-term business value. I am also excellent at understanding how systems work with each other. I have experience as a product owner solving business problems, building product strategies, and creating roadmaps, so I am sure this experience will be valuable to salesforce. But above everything, I naturally help people even when I don't get paid to do it.


Further, I do not treat Salesforce as another option, right now, my sole focus is Salesforce. Some people told me not to put all my eggs in one basket, but I think if you genuinely want something, there is nothing wrong with focusing on that one thing. Salesforce has been a dream of mine since 2019, but I was in Sri Lanka, so it was not that realistic. The pay is excellent at Salesforce, but above that, I have seen the CEO ratings on Comparably, client reviews on Gartner, and employee reviews on glassdoor, reinforcing my goal. I am willing to learn everything required to succeed at Salesforce, within 6 months I will be an expert in everything Salesforce.


I have attached my resume for your reference.


or


Hi (recruiter name),

(Referrer name) suggested reaching out to you, as he/she referred me as an applicant to the (title) role.

I’m confident about meeting the requirements for the position and would love to to share a bit more about why I think I’d fit in well at (organization name).

Would it be possible to connect for 15 minutes later this week?

Best, (OP name)



What do you guys think. Is this too long????

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19 comments

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Sunbunny31
Politicker
8
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
In short, it’s too long. You would be best served sending a short note.

Think about what your goal with an email is. Also put yourself in the recruiter’s position. What do you think he’s going to do with this email? What would be most effective and get his attention in a good way?

Your enthusiasm is clear, but it’s far too long.
SaaSsy
Politicker
2
AE
I agree, too long and a bit too robotic. The point of this email is to stand out, correct? Treat it like you have 1 shot then. You need it to be concise so right a passionate opening hitting the high points of why you want to work at SF (find a unique reason), and what makes you the ONLY choice (again, needs to be unique). Bullet points can help you trim length. Just a quick example, instead of “I do not have work…” run on sentence. Just hit it hard “look, I know you have unlimited options. Here’s why I’m the only great option…yAda yAda yAda”
abupapi
Contributor
1
Guest Services Agent
I dont know how to trim this though, I want to hit every point. Even points where I am weak.

But you have some valid arguments. I want him to think okay let's give this guy a chance and see. I know other people with 1 2 3 years of experience selling software. But I want him to know I can be as good as anyone within a short amount of time and blend into the team fast and nicely.
Sunbunny31
Politicker
1
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
Editing is going to be a critical skill for you in sales. You’re going to have to be much more direct than this. Take a look at some of the email templates in posts on this site - those short, to the point emails that BDRs and AEs send apply here as well. You are selling yourself. Hard to be dispassionate when it’s you that’s the solution, but you are now trying to make a good first impression. It has to be short and to the point.
abupapi
Contributor
1
Guest Services Agent
Hi (recruiter name),(Referrer name) suggested reaching out to you, as he/she referred me as an applicant to the (title) role.I’m confident about meeting the requirements for the position and would love to to share a bit more about why I think I’d fit in well at (organization name).Would it be possible to connect for 15 minutes later this week?Best, (OP name)
abupapi
Contributor
1
Guest Services Agent
Thank you for the points. I'm letting my passionate side take over here. Need to keep that in check
Sunbunny31
Politicker
2
Sr Sales Executive 🐰
Much better! I know it's super hard to be short, but that is best.
braintank
Politicker
5
Enterprise Account Executive
I got bored 3 sentences in...
abupapi
Contributor
1
Guest Services Agent
Hi (recruiter name),(Referrer name) suggested reaching out to you, as he/she referred me as an applicant to the (title) role.I’m confident about meeting the requirements for the position and would love to to share a bit more about why I think I’d fit in well at (organization name).Would it be possible to connect for 15 minutes later this week?Best, (OP name)
abupapi
Contributor
0
Guest Services Agent
My intention is to stand out, how do I do that with a concise email. That's what I am trying to figure out. Write something without pouring my heart out.
Diablo
Politicker
4
Sr. AE
I would rather reach out on Linkedin. I wouldn’t prefer a direct email.
CuriousFox
WR Officer
3
🦊
The shorter the message the better.
Kosta_Konfucius
Politicker
3
Sales Rep
For the sake of brainstorming new ideas

Have the Referral Contact email the recruiter with you and the hiring manager cc'ed if they sit under the hiring manager. If not just the recruiter and you cc'ed.

I have never heard of anyone doing this for a referral for a job, but this is what I try to do when getting a referral for a sale

Could work IMO
jefe
Arsonist
2
🍁
Emailing is a significantly better idea than showing up, but as others have said, brevity is key - keep it short.
ThatNewAE
Big Shot
1
Account Executive - Mid enterprise
The OR message is crisp and better. If I am a recruiter and I have to skim through so many resumes, messages and requests; I am not going to spend more than 3 seconds per candidate (even though it's wrong of me).

So the OR
"Hi <>, I was directed towards you by...<>; and this is my message.
Let me know what you think". Serves the same purpose, but with less words.
Maximas
Tycoon
0
Senior Sales Executive
Keeping the message shorter is better I guess.
Xthanthus
Good Citizen
0
Professional Territory Manager
Too long, you need to communicate the message in one paragraph (ideally less).. and I wouldn’t even highlight that you don’t have experience in the field.. let that come up in a conversation, when it’s in an email the decisions becomes binary for the recruiter.

The goal isn’t to vomit everything onto the email and hope he/she gives you the job.. the goal is to get the person to converse further with you.
Sabonis
0
SDR
It's communication, so the shorter the better, because the shorter the message, the easier it will be for the receiver to understand and remember it. "Less is more".

I think you had the right idea, though: following up to try to stand out from the flood of other applicants for the same role.

IMO, if the 1st example had ended with the 3rd paragraph, it would've been good. Nothing more needed to be said. The large paragraphs that followed almost seemed more like a panic-driven, emotional overshare. Insecurity is always a bad look. And don't ever volunteer something they didn't ask for. Just look at it from the other person's POV: what you're saying/sending for the 1st time, is what the kind of thing they're getting for the 1,000th time. That's one reason why they use ATS...and why over half of HR/recruiters ignore their ATS and just cruise LinkedIn for applicants to hit up, instead, sadly. Internal and external HR recruiters tend to be overwhelmed, overworked, and underpaid, so just like any other person, they're gonna default to what's most convenient.

I don't see how the 2nd example would help you at all. Its 1st two sentences are the kind of thing you email someone after they've interviewed you earlier that same day. And the last sentence is yet another person they don't know (looking at things from others' POV, not our own) trying to take time from the things the work they're getting paid to do. If they want to speak with you for 15m (aka a job interview), they'll let you know. I think the 2nd example just needs to go away.
WhoDey
Opinionated
0
VP of Sales
Yes, you should email the recruiter...and yes, this email is way too long!

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