Back
The War Room
Question
Post

Significant other exercise

I'm a exercise nut, 2 a days, juijitsu, if its moving I want to partake. My wife on the other hand...... she could sleep the entire day away and be fine with it. There is NOTHING wrong with this if that's what you want but she complains about her weight and figure frequently enough for me to say something but we all know how that goes.


Anyone out there have advice on how to get your significant other interested in it?


I understand the benefits, and she does too! When it comes to action though, its damn near impossible.


Thanks in advance!

๐Ÿ„ Personal Life
๐Ÿ’ช Motivation
19
Justatitle
Politicker
+7
Senior AE
ITS A TRAP!!!! DO NOT ENGAGE! TREAT IT AS IF IT WAS A LOADED GRENADE AND YOU ARE HOLDING THE PIN. I REPEAT ITS A TRAP!
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
i know right! I can't bring it up but at the same time i want a healthy wife, lord help me if i have to take care of my kids by myself lol

Justatitle
Politicker
+7
Senior AE
Im assuming your wife has friends, ask her friend to encourage her to start working out with her and position it as looking out for her best interests. This has to be a friend you trust and she can never know it was your ideaย 
Show 1 more replies
leb0ng
Big Shot
+3
VP of Sales
I think this is a terrible perspective.ย  Sounds like she may be suffering from a bout of depression.ย 


@Lambdaย I'd express your real feelings to your wife. No assumptions about her experience or what she might think. Just open up about how it makes YOU feel, with her bringing up her weight and her figure to you. Seems like it makes you feel trapped, guilty, walking on egg shells etc.

A marriage that you can't be honest in is not worth it. If you love her, and if she loves you, then you both deserve to be real here.
Justatitle
Politicker
+7
Senior AE
wow going straight for the sentimental gut punch. Nicely done @leb0ngย 

beachNsales
Politicker
+3
Account Executive
you get it
paddy
Arsonist
+9
Account Executive
U could always just kill her?
WCK
Politicker
+8
Padre de Tequila
I feel like there are better, less drastic measures, but this is technically an option yes Paddy.
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
im guessing you mean attempt to kill her? this would be a gross oversimplification of motivation but maybe?
paddy
Arsonist
+9
Account Executive
Self-doubt is toxic ya know
Show 1 more replies
funcoupons
WR Officer
+11
Kahluapons
Do fun, date like activities together that involve physical activity. Hiking, a bike ride through the park, trying out rock climbing or a dance class together. You'll get to spend time together, it's fun, and healthy. Maybe she'll like one of the activities so much she continues doing it on her own or joins a group/class.

Also diet has more to do with weight than exercise so plan and cook healthy meals together. Don't buy junk food. If going out to eat, try a healthier option rather than pizza or burgers every time.ย 
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
you'd be hard pressed to find junk in our house but i agree diet is king
WCK
Politicker
+8
Padre de Tequila
Find something that would actually interest her. Like, spin class is an easy start and they always tend to make them fun while still being competitive for example.ย 
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
her interests are candy crush and telemundo :/
WCK
Politicker
+8
Padre de Tequila
Ok Iโ€™m not gunna lie this made me snort-laugh
Show 1 more replies
SalesGal
Politicker
+6
Account Manager / FSR
My husband and I did weight watchers together. I did it alone at first and he eventually joined in since we donโ€™t usually cook seperate meals. We lost all the weight we had gained when we first got married and have kept it off. If exercise isnโ€™t her thing (its not for me) then nutrition could be another way to approach the weight loss.
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
awesome! glad it worked for you
Wo
Wolfof7thStreet
Opinionated
+5
AE
Kinda having this problem with my GF and this thread.... scaring me
MrsTechSales
Politicker
+9
Midwest Market Manager
Okay, so speaking from a wife's perspective. Tell her you WANT to try something together. Let her pick out a workout, tell her you'll do anything- even Zumba. (and do it.)

"It's not about the work out, it's about spending time together in a way that I truly think you'll not only love, but get results from that you'll love. I want you to be happy, and I know right now you feel insecure about some things, and I'm here to help you feel less of that insecurity. I'll look silly with you, I'll try something new with you."ย 

For me it's not about lazy or motivated, I have always been a 'I dont exercise' person (until just a few months ago) and looking back I can see that it was all down to the fear of trying something new and not being good at it.ย 

I've been doing JiiJitsu since April and rolled for the first time this week- and the whole time I apologized for not being good enough. It's something I need to work on, but I'm just basically trying to convey- if your wife deals with anxiety at all, this is likely what's at work here and not laziness. Just be stern in that you NEED her to do this with you, but give her the freedom of choice to pick what it is.ย 
Incognito
Arsonist
+9
Master of Disaster
Plastic surgery helps if you want to be lazy.ย 

diet too.ย 

but you kinda need a combo of lots of things to have a healthy lean body.ย 

idk, if Iโ€™m unhappy with the way I look I remind myself that every single โ€œsexyโ€ celebrity was not born looking that way. They were made AFTER the fact. Sure, itโ€™s easier when you have a personal trainer, personal chef, personal assistant, manager and all the things - but it doesnโ€™t mean everyone else canโ€™t do the same. It just takes more effort. If you want it bad enough, it will happen.ย 

try that angle maybe? And go WITH HER to some kind of exercise. Like a morning walk. Tennis on Sunday. Yoga. ANYTHING.
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
oh trust me i have tried doing it with her, that went poorly, we went on a walk, she had a chocolate covered waffle in her hand, i shouldnt have said anything but like why are you walking at that point?!?
SaaSsy
Politicker
+2
Sales Executive
Gift her some personal training sessions so she feels comfortable with getting started, and once she finds what she likes, it easier to keep that habit going once itโ€™s built.
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
100% the only issue is that she says she is too tired to do anything after watching the kids, so im sort of waiting on this idea until they are older to either go with her or i have more money to pay for a sitter while she goes
DrunkenArt
Politicker
+5
Sales Associate
Not as active as you, but I'm definitely more active than my wife. What I started doing is going on a walk with her, which gradually turned into some running, which turned into an actual running exercise. Since we started doing it, I'm down about 15lbs and she's down about 10lbs. We're both happier and it gives us something to look forward to.ย 
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
patience i guess is the key, i cant stand running and walking is even worse haha
DrunkenArt
Politicker
+5
Sales Associate
If you hate walking, fill a tumbler with your favorite adult beverage and then you'll get way more into it
poweredbycaffeine
Politicker
+7
Bean Juice Drinker | Sales Savant
Find something that is active, but isn't labeled as "exercise" For example, my wife and I will rent kayaks or pedal boats on the river a few times a month. We're doing it together, it's active as hell, but it's not a run or going to the gym. We are both plenty active, but we like to combine calorie burn with date days and it does the trick.
CharmingSalesGal
Opinionated
+6
Account Executive
I've def been in this boat and it's not fun. I think you have to have a serious conversation about why her words and actions don't correlate and ultimately, it's not your job to motivate her to want to live a healthier life...

It's a real tricky situation but maybe if you explain to her your frustrations of listening to her complaints and seeing her lack of actions as well as your desire (and need) for her to live as long as you, she'll understand. Full transparency, I understand that this is an absolutely touchy subject for most people. ๐Ÿ˜‚
OnlySales
Opinionated
+1
Regional Enterprise Sales Manager
I read all the comments and being a female myself, I agree with the conversation approach. But I would hear it around health. Iโ€™m concerned about our health and we need to live long for our kids. And start small, try limiting chocolate waffles for the weekends only. I also agree with the peloton (there is a 30day trial) - thereโ€™s a lot of fun Latin rides on there she might like! Also a lot of the group workouts have trials so you guys can try classes together. Trial and error - itโ€™s not an easy conversation but it needs to be had. Not sure if she had a friend group in town but that can be encouraging to go with her friends while you watch the bebes
SiliconBBQ
Politicker
+2
Account Executive
start small. maybe just walks together. encourage her. take up some kind of light activity together.
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
yea this is looking like the only option but damn is is boring
ki
kingofgamehendge
Good Citizen
Strategic Account Executive
I've actually had this conversation recently. My GF exercises at least 5 days a week but lost the genetic lottery and still wants to lose weight. We've talked about different types of diets and fasting (particularly intermittent fasting). But she's open to exercising more, sleeping more, eating better. I tried to tie everything down to our "healthspan" -- which is to say how long you can live and enjoy your life. I found this JRE podcast with David Sinclair really illustrative ( https://open.spotify.com/episode/55UlxYWPfV46f7puMkZPeD?si=1d61fdb1b2b04e01) and specifically framed it as "babe, i know you are trying so hard at this but not yet getting the results you want. Unfortunately, being a bit overweight long run accelerates your biological age, and I the last thing I would want is for us to both be 70 and not be able to live the same lives together. This was well received (though emotional) because it ties the desired change back to wanting to live long lives of love together. hope this helps!ย 
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
i have tried this biologic age piece, she just doesnt care haha, looks like ill need to look for a new wife at 70ย 
88mph
Catalyst
+5
Enterprise Account Executive
Honestly, buy a Peloton! The programming is great and is entertaining. If she gets into and finds some instructors she likes, she may really love it. And you can frame it as "I bought this for us" and just buy her a pair of shoes with it. Worst case scenario, you get a Peloton for yourself even if she doesn't use it LOL
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
saving up those commish points to get one!
CloudyWithAChanceOfQuota
Opinionated
+1
Inside Account Representative
While I don't really think its ever someone's place to comment on someone else's body, I think its important for her to find the kind of movement she enjoys! (just as you have jujitsu)! A good start could be having her check out class pass! It's credit based so you can go to studios all over whatever city, and find something she loves! They have everything from spin and pilates to pole and cirque, so I'm sure she will find something that sparks her interest!ย 
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
thank you, ill have to try and share that with her
PowerFade58
Good Citizen
+1
VP of Sales Dev
Fat pact. My wife and I made it while we were engaged. Neither of us like fatness, but we know life throws us challenges and stress. So we can both gain weight or lose weight together, but the PACT is that we can't have a difference. Where she gains a bunch and I don't or vice versa. It works for us.
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
oooo this is crazy idea but i like it!
Gyro25
Politicker
+5
BDR
Been doing jiu-jitsu for close to two years now. I don't think I'd be in sales if I wasn't doing jiu-jitsu to balance my stress out. Honestly, I'd ask her what she wants to do. My ex was super into orange theory for the group exercise aspect, maybe give that a go?
Lambda
Politicker
+6
Sales Consultant
Jits for life! what rank?
MrMotivation
Politicker
+4
Sales
Kickboxing for sure
7
Reward Redemption
Discussion
32
9
Alcohol: Helps or prevents the rep? ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿฅƒ
Question
31
4
Procrastination?
Question
8
Are you a procrastinator?
+25
BigCheese , ย  SiliconBBQ , ย  verbalzzzzzz ย  and 25 people voted
*Voting in this poll no longer yields commission.