Hi team, just needed a space to talk so here I am.
I finally made top rep in my organisation for the month, tracking to hit it more into the coming new year. Been here 2 years.
This has turned me into a hypercompetitve person who assess everything as a competition.
Finally taking some time off in the snow to relax and unwind.
We went to the ski slopes with my gf and her friends today, everyone got skis and I got a snowboard as I wanted to try, we were all beginners (I've never been on a mountain) and one other first timer. Everyone else got the hang of it quickly and I really struggled, spent 3 hours falling over and failing the ski lift pull thing while everyone else was skiing and having fun.
I did what I always did when I'm struggling and just dug in and pushed, I struggled so much for 3 hours and was tired, battered and exhausted but stayed until the end and was just frustrated and challenged. I had to walk down the mountain at the end with the medic helping me as everyone else went ahead so I got left behind. I treated it like a challenge and competition to show competence like I always do.
I ended up fighting my gf in front of everyone as I felt like she abandoned me on the mountain and she said that I treated it like a competition instead of just having fun.
Its tough to switch off honestly and I'm sad that the same energy that got me top rep also ruined my new years activities.
