It all started in San Francisco…Once upon a time…One day he was subjecting his co-workers to mandatory 100-hour history training sessions, the next he was sending all new employees into the “fish tank”.
"It boosts morale! It creates synergy! We need more SYNERGY!!!” he would yell as he plastered the walls with marginalizing banners.
It started as coffee is for closers, but the next thing you know it was “lunch is for closers”, “sleep is for closers”, and then “paychecks are for closers”.
Half of his workforce tried to quit once he was banned from Dreamforce. But that only made him angrier.
He would disappear for days on end, only to come back with even crazier ideas. It was hard to tell when he was in the office.
But if you listened closely…
Past the sounds of whistles and alarms…
Past the noise of firecrackers and airhorns…Some say you could hear the sound of intern screams, buried deep within the office bustle, tucked inside his private “office”.
The days were long but the nights much longer.
“Conversational intelligence…” “Digital transformation…” he would murmur through his sleep.
Every morning at the crack of dawn, the employees would awake to a treacherous sight.
The revving of a chainsaw paired with a maniacal scream...
“Get ready world. FOR THE GONG REVENUE INTELLIGENCE PLATFORM!!!”
-paddy
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