A request for help

I've debated writing this post for a few days now. It can be hard to admit failure but here I am. It has been 5 months post RIF of searching and working through various recruitment processes, but still I sit here seeking my next role.

I've applied to over 350 organizations. Tailored and updated my resume countless times. Written who-knows-how-many cover letters. Spoken to more than 30 recruiters. I've broadened my search far beyond my initial scope knowing that my skills are transferrable. I've been in dozens of processes, a good handful spanning months, 6-8+ interviews, finally reaching the end, feeling eager and excited to contribute once again. Only to have my hopes dashed for so many different reasons that feel out of my control.

It really starts to make me feel like I'm an imposter, that I am not good enough. I've been questioning my sanity, my worth, and my abilities. I'm at the lowest I've been in a long time.

Yesterday, after a particularly gut-wrenching "No" at the end of a 2-month process, I applied to another 5 roles and then had to step away. As I worked on yet another house project (hey, at least my garden is looking incredible this year!) I sat down in the dirt and mulch and cried.

All I could think about is that I am failing my family. My wife was supposed to start grad school in the fall, she is now putting that on hold. We've had to cancel our annual summer family vacation to my family's cottage. I'm delaying medical care for one of our dogs as surgery isn't financially prudent. As the primary earner, with 3 young kids, watching our savings drain away is one of the most scary experiences I've ever had.

So I come to you with hat-in-hand. I need help. I'm more than just my resume. My leadership throughout my career has been more than just managing a team. I'm a builder, a thought partner, a problem-solver. I am customer-centric, curious, and a great communicator. I work my butt off and am not afraid to fail and make mistakes, always learning along the way.

I need help. Referrals, introductions, leads. If you have any, please send them my way.